Xavier bent down to press his lips against mine. I wanted that kiss desperately, but I found myself pulling away.

Pain flashed in his eyes, but if there was anything true of Xavier, it was that he was capable of quickly masking his emotions. He recovered quickly, smiling and most likely thinking of a joke, but this time, he wasn’t able to think of one. So instead, he just gulped and asked, “Why?”

Tears began to stream down my face.

“Why can’t we be together, Vivienne? I love you and I know you love me. Why can’t we go beyond just being friends?”

“I…” My voice stuck in my throat. I sobbed as I tried to explain to myself why I was so terrified of being with Xavier.

How was I going to explain to him how a man’s touch revolted me after what I’d been through under Borys? How could I ever allow him to carry the weight of all my issues? All my scars? He didn’t deserve me. He didn’t deserve this.

“Don’t you love me, Vivienne?” Xavier asked.

I wanted to say no, look him in the eye and tell him that I didn’t love him, but I couldn’t bring myself to lie either, so I just stood there and trembled.

He didn’t press me for an answer. Instead, he just brushed his hands gently over my shoulders and down my arms, holding my hands in his before pulling me closer and pressing his lips softly to my forehead.

I cried against his chest, finding comfort in his secure embrace. Xavier had been my one constant for the past five hundred years, and I couldn’t imagine life without him. I’d never thought I could imagine anything worse than losing Derek, but I realized that I’d already survived “losing” Derek many times, yet I couldn’t even begin to think of a life without Xavier.

“I will wait for you, Vivienne. I don’t care how many centuries it takes before you’re ready, but I will wait for you.”

When those words—words I desperately needed to hear—came out of his lips, I knew that whether or not he realized it, I was his.

And almost out of instinct, I raised my lips to his and kissed him.

Chapter 15: Sofia

I woke on a bed with a red-eyed monster on top of me, taking a generous gulp of my blood. Nearby, a low growl came from some sort of animal. I couldn’t see what it was because whoever was on top of me had my head at an uncomfortable angle, allowing him full reign over my neck.

As consciousness washed over me, my first instinct was to freeze, but then flashbacks of all the vampires who had violated me in this manner came back to me and something clicked inside my mind, and all I could think was No. Enough.

I jerked my head away from him. My flesh parting from his lips caused a loud slurp to bounce across the room.

Kiev groaned. “Don’t deprive me, Sofia. You’re a morsel too sweet not to partake of, and you know it. Even your beloved wasn’t able to resist taking a bite.” He steadied my head with a firm hand and once again sucked on my blood.

I scanned the part of the room that I could see considering the angle. I saw a vase on the bedside table nearby and tried to reach for it. His weight was on top of me and it was a struggle just to move but I was determined to not just lie down and take it. I wasn’t going to become the victim again. Not anymore.

He seemed too wrapped up in drinking my blood to care what I did so I was able to get a hold of the vase. I slammed it over his head as hard as I could. The instant I did, red eyes—blazing with rage—looked down at me.

With my blood still dripping from the corners of his lips and one hand gripping a fistful of my hair, Kiev was a terrifying sight to behold.

I couldn’t give in to my terror. You have got to be used to this by now, Sofia. I collected myself, grabbed a shard from the broken vase and stuck it into his neck.

Since he would heal immediately, especially with my blood running through his system, I was doing nothing other than annoying my captor, but I would make this as difficult for him as possible.

His surprise was to my advantage so I pushed his hand away from my head and bolted toward the door. To my shock, I came face to face with a creature whose fur was black as night, eyes shining bright yellow. It was a huge dog, taller than my waist when crouched on all fours, probably taller than I was when forced to stand on only two feet.

This must be the beast Kiev was referring to.

“Move one more step, Sofia, and you’ll be the mutt’s dinner.”

“What is it?”

A fist grabbed a clump of my hair and pulled me right back to the bed. Kiev knelt over me, straddling my hips. His grip on my hair tightened, my scalp burning with pain. I yelped.

“It doesn’t matter what it is. What do you think you’re doing? Do you have a death wish, Novak?”

My lower lip twitched. All curiosity toward the creature faded away, because for a split second, I thought he was referring to Derek. I still wasn’t used to being Derek Novak’s wife. No matter what happened to us, no one could take away the fact that we’d gotten married, that we were a family. We had each other. I bit my lip at the thought of Derek’s smile and his kisses. I could practically hear his laughter, and before I knew it, I smiled.

That took Kiev aback. His grip on my hair loosened as he took the shard I’d stuck in his neck out with his free hand. He stared down at me. I was intimidated by the anger on his face, but I couldn’t keep myself from smiling.

“Crazy girl, why the hell are you smiling?” he hissed, his fist tightening around the clump of my hair he seemed determined to never let go of.

“Your eyes. They’re red. Why?”

“I asked you a question.”

“I asked you a question too.”

“How does he stand being around you?”

“Why do you keep asking about my relationship with Derek?”

“Do you always answer questions with questions?”

I shrugged.

“You are one agitating woman. Do you know that?” He finally let go of my hair, staring at me like I was some sort of oddity he was trying to figure out.

“Agitating isn’t usually the word used. Charming is the more suitable word I think.” I pressed my palms against his chest. The way a muscle on his jaw violently twitched didn’t escape my notice. I pushed him away from me. “Could you get off me now?”

He didn’t budge. “I don’t think you see the gravity of the situation you’re in. Do you not realize how powerful I am?”

“I’ll say it more slowly. Get. Off. Me. Now.”

We had a staredown of sorts before he eventually looked away. He got off me, sitting on the edge of the bed beside me. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing with exasperation.

“Don’t even think of trying to get away. The beast will eat you alive before you get anywhere near that door.”

I sat up, my hand over my bleeding neck. The creature paced near the door. Its yellow eyes were fixed on me. Hungry. Eager to devour. I swallowed hard.

“What is it?” I repeated my question.

“I told you. It’s a beast.”

“What is a beast?”

“You ask too many questions.”

I backed up on the bed, my knees propped up. I was unsure what to do. “I need something for my neck.”

He bit into his wrist and offered me his blood to drink.

I grimaced. “I would rather bleed to death.”

He growled at me, monster that he was, but he didn’t insist. He grabbed a sheet and ripped it. He then began tending to the wound that he’d caused. The way he swallowed whenever he saw my blood intrigued me. I recognized that hunger in his eyes, that struggle to maintain control.

Maybe he’s not as much of a monster as I thought.

“You know how to tend a wound.” I was surprised by how gentle he was.

“You don’t know me. Who I was…”

“Then tell me.”

He looked at the bandaged wound with a satisfied smile on his face.

“You seem awfully proud of yourself,” I said.

He narrowed his eyes at me. “What is it about you, Sofia Novak? How is it that you are so unaffected?”

Right. Me. Unaffected. I fought the urge to laugh. He held my future in his hands. He was capable of taking everyone and everything I loved away from me. How could I be unaffected? I remembered that I’d been in the exact same situation with Derek. Bothered by the thought, I pretended not to hear him.

I gave him a close look as he turned to face me—dark hair, handsome face with lines hardened by time and experience. He had a tired look about him, a stare that told me that those eyes had already seen more nightmares than I could imagine.

“You’re right, you know. I don’t know who you were or even who you are now, but I do know how powerful you are,” I told him. “I’m married to Derek Novak. He was once the most powerful vampire of our time. I know power when I’m around it.”

“And yet you don’t tremble.”

“Is that what you want? For me to shake at the sight of you? Do you really want my terror?"

A muscle on his jaw twitched. He remained silent for a couple of seconds. “The Elder turned my eyes this shade. Blood red. He wanted me to remember how much blood I’ve seen, how much blood I am accountable for, every time I look in the mirror. It was his way of reminding me that I can’t escape from everything that I did. He wanted me to remember that I’m a monster.”

I didn’t know what to do or say. I wasn’t sure how to handle bonding time with the Elder’s son. Was I supposed to reassure him that he wasn’t a monster when I saw one in him?

Or do I? This version of him seemed a lot more human than the monster who took me out of Derek’s dungeon.

I tried to remember how my relationship with Derek had started. Did I at any point see him as a monster? Was he? Was it just by instinct that I knew that there was good in him? I accepted Derek in spite of all the atrocities he’d committed. Even after I’d learned about the history of The Shade, even after he’d ripped out another vampire’s heart right before my eyes, I’d never seen him as a monster. I’d forgiven him. What was it about Kiev that was so different?

“Isn’t he supposed to be your father?” I asked. “The Elder? Why would he do something like that? Why would he want you to always see yourself as a monster?”

“He’s my father because he turned me at the most vulnerable point of my life. Beyond that, the Elder is the most cruel being I’d ever known.”

“Won’t you get in trouble for saying that?”

“Maybe.”

The door swung open and we both jolted in surprise. The beast positioned himself to attack.

Clara appeared. She looked at the beast, grimaced, and ignoring the snarling creature, eyed her brother—in a way that was far from sister-like—before staring at me. “Having a little chat?” she asked. “I have to admit I’m disappointed. I was hoping to walk in on you acting on your attraction toward her.”

Kiev looked agitated. “Why are you here, Clara?”

“Well,” she purred as she sidestepped the beast and slunk toward her brother, running her hand over his torso, “I was getting the juiciest information from my little Abby”—she stared at me triumphantly, seeming to revel in my flinch—“when Father came and asked me to get you.”

Fear flashed in Kiev’s eyes, bright red turning into a dark crimson as he stood up. “Why?”

“We’re taking a trip to The Shade.” Clara snuck her hand beneath his shirt, her eyes focused on his body. “They refuse to cooperate. Apparently, they would rather cross us than save Derek Novak’s life.” This time, she looked at me, smirking.

It took me a couple of seconds to comprehend what she’d just said as my eyes widened in horror. What on earth does she mean by that?

That seemed to get Kiev’s attention. He stepped away from Clara, pushing her hand away. “They actually refused a trade?”

“Apparently, they’re that stupid. Not that I’m surprised.” She rolled her eyes. She looked almost giddy. “We’ve been sent to punish them for their insolence and to open the gate ourselves.”

My mind was reeling. The Elder tried to propose a trade with Vivienne—Derek in exchange for something they want. What on earth could be at The Shade that’s more important than Derek? What could possibly drive Vivienne to refuse? What does Clara mean by opening the gate?

That Vivienne would think anything more important than her twin brother was beyond me. If she made that choice, there must’ve been a reason behind it.

What that reason was, I was too terrified to find out, but never had I been so afraid for Derek’s life.

Chapter 16: Aiden

We had a traitor amongst us.

“It must be Natalie. Who else could’ve informed them that we don’t want a trade?” Claudia hissed. She was pacing the floor, her face healing from a fresh gash.

We had all been at the Port, gearing up to attack The Blood Keep, when the attack had happened. We’d left the Port to find what was left of the Crimson Fortress completely demolished by multiple explosions. It was a miracle the Port still remained intact.

I’d turned toward Vivienne. I was preparing myself to take the helm should she crumble and back down from leading. But she hadn’t. Within minutes after the first explosion, she’d been pointing at people, barking out orders, putting protocol into place. After all, it wasn’t the first time The Shade had faced war.

“Liana, Cameron,” she barked at her best friend and her husband, “organize your team.” She pointed out several of the other members of the Elite, teaming them up in order to lead their own teams. “Gavin, Ian, please take care of leading the humans. You know what to do. Xavier and Aiden, come with me. You guys too,” she added, pointing at Sam and Ashley. “We need to protect the Sanctuary.”