Chapter 11

I was to be married.

That was the last thought I had before falling asleep and the first thought I had upon waking—both of which I’d done alone.

Casteel had left shortly after I agreed, Delano having summoned him. I ended up falling asleep, and the only reason I knew he’d returned in the middle of the night was because I’d woken at some point with the warmth of his body inches from mine. I’d lain there for far too long, listening to the steady sound of his breathing, fighting the urge to roll over and look at him. He was gone when I woke, and I was relieved—this time for different reasons than before.

I needed to wrap my head around what I had agreed to, and I tried to do so as I stood in front of the dimly lit vanity in the bathing chamber, tackling the knots in my hair as if they had the answers to all my questions.

The marriage was real…yet not. A business arrangement that would give both of us what we wanted. His brother. Land. My brother. Freedom. And maybe even an end to a war that hadn’t even begun yet.

Well, hopefully, we would gain what we desired.

How could I not agree? If I said no, and Casteel truly let me go, stashing me away where no one could find me—if that were even possible—I would still need to see Ian. This way, I wasn’t doing it alone. I may be Casteel’s key to the King and Queen, but I had enough intelligence and common sense to recognize that he was also the safest and smartest path to my brother.

But that wasn’t the only reason I had agreed.

Despite Casteel’s lies and betrayals, I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to walk away, leaving Casteel to save his brother and possibly even his people through different means. Even though I had been given little opportunity to discover who I was as a person, I knew enough about myself to realize that I wouldn’t have found a moment of peace in whatever freedom I had. Not after everything I’d learned, and not when there was something I could do.

But marriage?

It had been so long since little-girl fantasies of weddings and the possibility of being tied to an Ascended—something that, at the time, I hadn’t known would never happen—had filled me with fear and panic.

This marriage filled me with panic and fear too, but for very, very different reasons. We would have to behave as if we wanted one another in a way that went beyond the physical. We’d have to act as if we were in love. And that was dangerous. Even with my lack of experience in all things, I knew this. What I already felt for him in spite of everything felt like a slippery slope. It would be hard enough to pretend to be together so we could convince his people of our relationship and not be affected by it. There needed to be boundaries. Lines. I was still a pawn. Only now, I was an active one.

I couldn’t forget that.

I wouldn’t.

Another worry manifested. How were we going to convince anyone that we were in a loving relationship when I’d publicly refused the proposal and insinuated, rather clearly, that I thought he’d lost his mind?

How was I supposed to even act? All I had as examples were my parents, and from what I could remember, everything about their love—the long looks and the way they constantly touched one another—had been natural. Something that couldn’t be faked or forced. And the rest of the relationships I’d seen regularly were those of the Ascended, and I’d never seen the Duke and Duchess touch each other. Even Ian never spoke of his wife in any of the letters he sent. Not once beyond announcing their marriage—something I hadn’t been allowed to attend. Then, Queen Ileana’s refusal to allow me to travel had been positioned as a safety concern. But now, I wondered if it was something more.

I should’ve questioned more then, but I had become complacent in the Ascended’s absolute control of me. How did that happen? How did the people of Solis get to the point where so very few questioned handing over their children? Some even happily did so, feeling honored. Was it fear? Misinformation? Lack of access to education and resources? There were so many reasons why, and even more for those who had begun to suspect that things were not as they seemed, yet had made excuses.

Like I had.

Because seeing the truth was terrifying.

And what if Casteel’s plan worked? I saw Ian and…dealt with how that turned out. Then what? Would the Ascended truly change? Would the people of Atlantia be satisfied? And how would we know if the Ascended were following the new rules, living a more restricted life? Even if they did, I doubted the divide between those who lived in places like Radiant Row and the slums by the Rise would suddenly evaporate. The wheel the Ascended created would continue to turn, wouldn’t it? Or would losing the Queen and King scatter the rest of the Ascended, forcing them into a new way of life?

I didn’t know the answers to any of that. All I did know was that the people of Solis couldn’t continue to be preyed upon. And if I could help stop that, then I would.

That was a purpose far greater than the one I’d lived with as the Maiden. It was real. It would change lives. It made me feel as if I had been chosen for something that mattered.

But none of that told me how I was supposed to act in a loving relationship. The Ascended always came across as if they were somehow removed from physical needs, but I knew that wasn’t always the case. Though Duke Teerman’s and Lord Mazeen’s perversions were not good examples of how to behave in a relationship.

My heart beat too fast in my chest as a knock sounded. A moment later, the door cracked open, and Kieran called out, “Want breakfast?”

“Yes.” Dropping the brush, I hurried from the bathing chamber.

Kieran held the door open for me. “Someone is very hungry.”

I wasn’t sure I could consume even a mouthful of food. I stepped out into the walkway to see that the snow had stopped, even though the wind still whipped through the trees, sending the fallen snow whirling across the yard.

“Will we be leaving soon?” I asked. “Since the snow has stopped?”

“I believe Alastir and some of the others will leave later today to check the roads to our east, to see if they’re passable. I hope so since the storm didn’t stretch very far to the west.”

Meaning the roads from Masadonia, or even the capital, wouldn’t be as impassable. “Do you think they realized we haven’t shown at our next location yet?”

“I don’t think so. We have time. Not much, but some,” he said.

It was weird to feel relief, almost as if it were a betrayal of some sort, even though I knew it wasn’t.

“So, Penellaphe. For once, I have a question for you,” Kieran drawled as we entered the stairwell.

I glanced over at him. “Okay?”

“How’s it feel to be on the verge of becoming a real Princess?”

“He told you already?” I didn’t know why that should surprise me. Casteel had probably seen Kieran last night.

“Of course, he did. I probably knew his plans had changed before he did.”

My eyes narrowed. “I’m willing to bet his plans changed when he realized I was part Atlantian.”

He smiled, and the expression hid a wealth of mysteries. “His plans changed well before that. But like I said, he hadn’t quite realized that.”

“But you did? You know him that well?”

“I do.”

“Well, good for you,” I muttered.

He chuckled. “I can’t wait to see how you two are going to pull this off.”

My pulse skittered like a wild horse. “What does that mean?”

Kieran slid me a knowing look as we entered the bustling common area. “Not a minute has gone by since we left the Blood Forest that you aren’t threatening Casteel’s life.”

“That’s an exaggeration. There’s definitely been… Several minutes have gone by.” I cringed, but Kieran had a point.

“I guess we’ll find out soon.”

I was too nervous to wonder if anyone was shooting me hateful looks as we went into the otherwise empty banquet hall and took our seats at the table. Chairs had now replaced benches.

Food was brought out—sausage and eggs, along with those amazing biscuits. Somehow, I got past the twisting of my stomach to snatch one of those. I was far quieter this morning as I ate my food. The reason why appeared just as I finished what I could eat. Kieran looked over his shoulder, and I knew who had arrived.

Slowly, I peeked behind me. Casteel walked into the room with Alastir and several of the men at his side. Alastir spoke to him as Casteel looked straight to where Kieran and I sat. Our gazes seemed to lock for a moment, and then I quickly looked away, heart back to thundering in my chest.

“Casteel will announce you as his fiancée.” Kieran lowered his cup. “It will be wise to behave appropriately.”

My eyes narrowed on Kieran’s profile. “Do you think I’m going to scream in Casteel’s face and run off instead?”

A hint of a smile appeared. “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Rolling my eyes, I peeked at the doors. The group had stopped just inside the room, speaking with Naill, who, like the rest of them, had a habit of seemingly appearing out of nowhere. “Do you think he’ll believe us?”

“Yet another question?” Kieran leaned back, crossing his arms. “Seriously? Do you ever get tired of asking so many?”

“Apparently, you don’t, since you just asked three of them.”

He chuckled then. “I think it will be tough to convince Alastir.”

I stared at him. “That’s really motivational. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

One quick glance, and I saw that they were still by the doors. “How do you know he will announce that I agreed to the marriage? Did he tell you?”

“No.”

“Then how do you know?”

“I just know things.”

I pinned him with a bland look. “I know you two are close, but…” Something occurred to me. The bond. “I read that some Atlantians of a certain class and wolven have bonds.”