“I do that because you either tell me nothing, or you tune me out when I ask about things!” I started to turn away and then whipped back around. “Tell me about the conversations you and your brother escaped? The ones that drove you to the caverns. Tell me why you refuse to take the throne even when you know your brother won’t be fit to do it when you free him,” I demanded. “Tell me why you thought it was okay in the first fucking place to kidnap me and use me as ransom before you even knew me!” Frustration crowded my throat. “Tell me why it never occurred to you to mention the Joining. Tell me about Gianna, Casteel. Does she care for you? Does she want this engagement? Do you care for her?”

He exhaled roughly, shaking his head, but I wasn’t done.

“Tell me why you never told me the truth about Spessa’s End until I was here? Was it because you didn’t trust me with that information? Tell me about her. The one you loved and lost because of the Ascended. Tell me what happened to her. Will you even say her name?” My chest rose and fell with rapid breaths, and my anger overwhelmed my senses, blocking out his emotions completely. “Tell me how you can stand to be near me when I represent the people who took so much from you. Tell me why you really came to my room tonight. Tell me something that matters! That is real.”

Casteel’s chest rose with a heavy breath. “You want something real?”

“Yes.”

“I came to your room tonight to learn if what you said at dinner was true. That I was the first person to ever see you. That I was the first thing you ever chose for yourself. That you chose me when you knew me as Hawke, and even after you learned the truth, you still chose me,” he growled, his eyes luminous. “I came here tonight to learn if you really felt like you were betraying Vikter and Rylan, all the others and yourself. I came here to see if that’d changed. Was all of that real, or were you just pretending?”

I took a step back, entirely too exposed, and it had nothing to do with the ridiculous nightgown. I hadn’t expected him to go there. I wasn’t sure why, but I hadn’t.

He shook his head as he barked out a short, humorless laugh. “Yeah. Silence. As usual. That’s why there was never a reason to tell you any of those things you’ve demanded from me.”

I stared up at him, hands and arms trembling. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Everything,” he bit out between clenched teeth. “I want everything.”

A shiver broke out over my skin. “I…I don’t understand what that means,” I whispered. And inexplicably, the back of my throat burned. Apparently, I hadn’t cried out all the tears I had to give because they were now threatening to break free again. “I don’t understand any of this. Not you. Not me. How I’m supposed to feel. How I’m supposed to forget everything. I don’t—” Pressing my lips together, I smoothed fingers over my face, over the scars he’d kissed. I dropped my hands. “I don’t understand.”

The sharp lines of his face softened, and it was like watching a mask slip away before my eyes. He stepped forward and then stopped. “Do you think I understand any of this, Poppy? None of this was supposed to happen. I had plans. Capture you and use you. Free my brother and, maybe, if the gods were good, prevent a war—or at least lessen the bloodshed.”

Casteel turned sideways, shoving a hand through his hair. “That was the plan. And fuck if it didn’t go off the rails the moment you walked into the godsdamn Red Pearl.” His eyes closed. “And each time—every damn time—I spoke to you, each time I saw your smile or heard you laugh, and the more I got to know you, the less those plans made sense. And trust me, Poppy, those plans made way more fucking sense than this—than all of his.”

The breath I took got stuck as I grew incredibly still.

“I’m a Prince. A kingdom of people is counting on me to solve their problems—even the ones they’re unaware of, but I…I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give you to them, not even for my brother.” He turned to me, his eyes nearly luminous. “All because when I’m with you, I don’t think about the kingdom full of people counting on me. I don’t find myself in the middle of the day, when it’s too quiet, back in those fucking cages. I don’t sit and think of everything I know they’re doing to my brother. Beating him. Starving him. Raping him. Turning him into a monster worse than even they can imagine. When I’m with you, I don’t think about that.”

I curled my hands against my chest—against my thundering heart as his features blurred. And finally, I felt him. His pain. His confusion. His wonder.

“I forget.” He quieted as he shook his head in confusion. “I forget about him—about my people, and I don’t even understand how that’s possible. But I did. I do. And you want to know something about her? About Shea?”

I gasped at the sound of her name on his lips.

“Never once did I forget any of my obligations with her. Never once did I stop thinking about Malik,” he said, stunning me. “And you—you have it all wrong. There is a reason I don’t speak her name. It has nothing to do with the Ascended, and while it sure as hell has to do with how I feel about her, it’s not what you think.”

Casteel stepped toward me once more, his eyes entirely too wide as he said, “And, truthfully, I have no idea how you can even bear my touch after my lies, after what I did and caused. All I do know is that I didn’t plan any of this in the beginning, Poppy. I didn’t plan on being drawn to you. I didn’t plan to want you. I didn’t plan on risking everything to keep you. I didn’t—”

A fist pounded on the door, startling me so badly I almost jumped.

“If you value your life right now,”—Casteel raised his voice—“you will walk away and pretend you were never here.”

“I wish I could. Trust me,” came Emil’s voice. “But this is important.”

“Doubtful,” Casteel muttered, and I almost laughed at the world-weary look that settled into his features.

But then Emil said, “The sky is on fire.”

Chapter 34

Very few things were more important than what Casteel was saying, what he was admitting to me—and what was left unsaid.

The sky being on fire was one of them.

Casteel watched with near unnerving intensity as I pulled on a pair of leggings and then added the cloak over the ridiculous nightgown. Shoving my feet into my boots, I hurried to where he waited between the two rooms. We went to the main door, but Casteel stopped before opening it.

He turned to me, his gaze immediately finding mine. “This conversation isn’t over.”

“I know,” I told him, and I did. “I have a lot of questions.”

The laugh was quick, but nothing like the one before. It was real, and some of the sharpness faded from his features. “Of course, you do.”

Emil was waiting for us beyond the terrace, and as I stepped out into the courtyard, my mouth dropped open.

A hazy, burnt-orange-red glow illuminated the sky beyond the Rise.

“What in the hell?” Casteel demanded.

“The sky really is on fire,” I whispered. “Is it another omen? From the gods?”

“I sure hope not,” Emil responded. “Because if so, that can’t be good. Delano already left to see if he can find out what it is.”

Casteel nodded. “I don’t think it’s that.” He started walking around the corner of the fortress, but then stopped. Turning to me, he extended his hand.

I placed mine in his without hesitation. His grip was warm and strong, and that jolt of energy was there, traveling up my arm.

I have no idea how you can even bear my touch.

I wanted to tell him right then that I could bear his touch because I loved him.

But it didn’t seem like a good idea with the sky being on fire.

Casteel prowled forward. “How long ago did you guys realize this was happening?”

“Ten minutes, if that. Are you going up onto the Rise?” Emil asked as we crossed the courtyard, heading for one of the entry points to the Rise.

“I figure it would give us a better view.” He led me inside a stairwell lit by oil lanterns. “Did anyone go with Delano?”

Emil followed behind as we climbed the spiraling stone stairs. “I think Dante went out with him. Probably thought it would be safer.”

“Possibly,” Casteel murmured.

Reaching the top of the Rise, my steps faltered for a moment. What appeared to be the entire western sky was aglow.

“Good gods,” Emil muttered, coming to a stop.

Casteel and I walked across the roof of the Rise, the cool air chilling my skin. Several people stood in and near the parapets, their bodies outlined in red.

One of them turned. Kieran. His father was beside him, facing the glowing sky. A Guardian stood on the ledge, the moonlight glinting off the golden swords strapped to her sides. She looked over her shoulder, placing her fist over her heart.

Casteel greeted her with the same gesture as a gust of wind lifted the wispy strands of her hair that wasn’t held back. Mine also blew as I slipped my hand free of his and entered an empty peak. The wind…an acrid scent carried on it, reminding me of…

I placed my hand on the stone. “I don’t think it’s the sky that’s on fire.”

The Guardian looked over at me, saying nothing as Casteel entered the parapet. “Neither do I.”

“While I’m relieved it’s not the sky burning,” Jasper said. “Something is.”

Something big was, but what could it be? There was nothing but fields and ruined cities that way.

“How far away do you think the fire is?” the Guardian asked.

“Hard to tell.” Casteel placed his hands beside mine. “I would say about a day’s or more ride, maybe even farther depending on the size.”

“A day’s ride?” I frowned. “That would be…what? Pompay? What could burn there to create this?”