“Busy?” I took a stab at small talk.

He turned to look at me, taking a seat on a recliner by the window and pouring cognac from a square crystal bottle into two snifters. God bless the UK, where it was legal for me to drink.

“Cut the pleasantries. It’s not who we are.”

He was right. We both hated mingling, but I was on edge. I took a seat in front of him, half-grateful Mom wasn’t here. Then I remembered she might be with Harry, and my stomach twisted in disdain. I wasn’t sure she was safe with him. Still, I was selfish enough not to tell my father what just happened with Fairhurst.

I was a pilgrim on a quest, and the demise of Harry Fairhurst was my own personal journey to redemption.

If I told my father everything, he’d deal with Harry himself, and where was the fun in that? I’d come to England for a reason. My own Eat, Pray, Love.

Kill, Prey, Lust.

“Nice hate bite.” Dad motioned to his own neck, but looked at mine. “Did she try to kill you?”

“Wouldn’t put it past her.”

He took a swig of his drink, arching a brow. “Knowing you, she probably had her reasons. Wrap it up, kid. Make your mother and me grandparents before retirement, and all hell will break loose. She’d want to help raise the baby.”

“I don’t want kids.”

He placed his drink on the table, lacing his fingers together.

“You’re too young to determine that at nineteen. Now’s the time to practice. With a condom. Several, if need be. What’s eating you, and how can I help?”

I sat back, blowing air. Dad always saw through me. Mom had a sixth sense about knowing what I needed when I needed it before I’d realized I needed it. But Baron Spencer? He read me like a vintage Playboy in a sperm-donation clinic’s waiting room.

I frowned at the carpet. “Say someone else had something of yours you didn’t want to come out. Like, a video or evidence of something you did. You knew what they had looked legit. No bullshit. They said they had it saved in their cloud, ready to be sent out if you make the wrong move…” I scanned his face, looking for traces of surprise or worry. There weren’t any. “How would you go about retrieving this information, and how would you erase it from all their files and make sure they couldn’t make duplicates?”

He said nothing for a beat. I wanted to punch the walls, then him, then myself. Grabbing my drink, I took a generous sip.

Dad finally opened his mouth.

“Son, are you gay?”

I spat the cognac out, choking on the earthy liquid. Dad remained calm, crossing one leg over the other.

“Be frank. You know we don’t care, and we’ll support you no matter what. There’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it, all right, but I’m not gay.”

He blinked, saying nothing.

“Why the fuck would you think that?”

“You’re not a huge fan of the other sex.”

“I’m not a huge fan of the human race.”

“Me either. But then there’s your mother. I am a huge fucking fan of hers.”

“Don’t make a groupie sex joke,” I warned sharply. “I like girls just fine.”

Dad shook his head. “Not enough to bring them home.”

“The back of my truck is just as comfy, and Mom’s not there to offer cookies.” I felt my jawline tensing.

His jaw ticked, too. We looked too alike. Sometimes it felt like I’d gotten nothing from my mother, but that wasn’t true. I got her artistic talent. Dad couldn’t draw a straight line with a ruler and the moral support of a stadium.

“Are the public blow jobs your way of proving something?” He frowned.

What the fuck? I was running out of patience. Not to mention fucks. This was not why I came all the way from Carlisle Castle to the rectum of Berkshire on foot.

“Yeah. It’s to prove I don’t give a shit about reciprocating,” I deadpanned. “Now can we move on with the program?”

“Watch it.” He smirked, seeming pleased with my low tolerance for bullshit. “And yes. So, someone has something on you.”

On Mom. “Kinda.”

“How bad is it?”

I thought about it for a moment. “Imagine the worst possible scenario, then keep going.”

“Prison bad?”

I nodded. “In the double digits. But don’t ask, because I won’t tell.”

He flicked an eyebrow.

Don’t ask, don’t tell. “Fuck, Dad, I promise if I liked dick, you’d be the first to hear all about it. In unnecessary detail, just to make it awkward for both of us.”

“I can make this go away.” He uncrossed his legs, leaning forward to catch my gaze. “I run a clean shop, but when the need to get dirty arises, I have my ways. Give me their name. Address, too, if you have it. But a name and a picture will do.”

I shook my head. If he knew it was Harry, it’d blow my cover and kill my plans.

“I’m not here for a solution, just advice.”

He scanned my face for a second, glowering.

“You’re telling me your liberty is on the line, and you think I won’t see to this myself?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“Grant me this indulgence, son.”

I noticed he didn’t ask me what I’d done. It made my heart swell in my chest, and that made me goddamn uncomfortable.

I shook my head. “Sorry.”

He took the snifter, strangling it in his hand to a point of white knuckles. “I’ll give you my guy’s name. You can contact him yourself.”

“You’ll ask him to disclose the information.” It was my turn to cross my legs.

“Damn straight I will. You are my son, and your trouble is my trouble.”

“Not this trouble.”

We both darted up at the same time, scowling at each other, fists curled. His snifter smashed against the floor between us, still half-full. Our body language mirrored perfectly. Dad was the first to sit back down, taking a calming breath.

“Fine. He’ll make it a priority. I’ll see to that myself. But if shit gets out of hand, I expect you to tell me.”

“I want your word.” I remained standing, looking down at him. “That you won’t try to find out who this person is.”

He gave me a slight nod.

“In writing.”

He smirked. “You want me to sign a binding contract, give you access to my fixer, pay for the entire dubious pleasure, yet ask no questions about the motherfucker?”

“Sharp as always, Pops.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” He laughed. “You are my son.”

“Was there ever any doubt?”

Mom walked in as if on cue, clutching a brown bag with celery and carrots peeking out. Dad stood up. He kissed her lips and took the bag from her, placing it on the open-plan kitchen counter, and I wrapped my arms around her in a hug, kissing her forehead.

“If there was a doubt, there would be casualties.” Dad began to unload her groceries.

They shared another kiss. Gross. I was ready for them to go back to America and leave me to deal with this mess without their Brady Bunch bullshit in the background.