Several hours later Jack and Jim were still sitting in the police station, interviewing all the witnesses. That didn’t help at all, of course, because at least one of them wasn’t telling the truth.

22

The truth is that the bank robber went to ridiculous lengths not to point the pistol at anyone inside the apartment, to avoid frightening anyone. But the first person the bank robber accidentally happened to aim the pistol at was a woman called Zara. She’s somewhere in her fifties, and beautifully dressed in that way that people who have become financially independent on the back of other people’s financial dependency often are.

The funny thing is that when the bank robber rushed in, stumbled, and ended up waving the pistol in such a way that Zara found herself staring straight down the barrel of the gun, she didn’t even look scared. Another woman in the apartment, on the other hand, let out a shriek of panic: “Oh, dear Lord, we’re being robbed!” Which seemed a little odd, because the bank robber had absolutely no intention that this bit should be a robbery. Obviously no one likes being treated in a prejudiced way, and the fact that you just happen to be holding a pistol doesn’t automatically make you a robber, and even if you are, you can still be a bank robber without necessarily wanting to rob individuals. So when another woman cried, “Get your money out, Roger!” to her husband, the bank robber couldn’t help feeling rather insulted. Not unreasonably, really. Then a middle-aged man in a checkered shirt who was standing by the window—Roger, evidently—muttered sullenly: “We haven’t got any cash!”

The bank robber was about to protest, but caught sight of the reflection captured in the balcony window. A figure with a masked face armed with a pistol, and the other people in the room. One of them was a very old woman. Another was pregnant. A third looked like she was about to burst into tears. They were all staring at the pistol, eyes wild with fear, no one’s wilder than the eyes staring out through the holes in the ski mask in the reflection. Then the bank robber reached a crushing realization: They’re not the captives here. I am.

The only person who didn’t look remotely scared was Zara. That’s when they heard the sound of the first police sirens from down in the street.

23

Witness Interview

Date: December 30

Name of witness: Zara

JIM: Hello! My name’s Jim!

ZARA: Yes, yes, fine. Get on with it.

JIM: So, I’m here to record your version of what happened. Tell me about it in your own words.

ZARA: Who else’s words would I use?

JIM: Well, yes, quite. Just a figure of speech, I suppose. But first I’d like to make you aware that everything you say here is being recorded. And you can have a lawyer present if you’d like one.

ZARA: Why would I want one?

JIM: I just wanted you to be aware of that. My bosses say that their bosses say it’s important that everything’s done properly. We’re going to be getting a team of special investigators from Stockholm who are going to take over this investigation. My son’s very angry about that, he’s also a police officer, you see. So I just wanted to let you know that bit about having a lawyer present.

ZARA: Listen, I’ll pay for a lawyer if I ever threaten anyone with a pistol. Not when I’m the one being threatened.

JIM: I understand. I certainly didn’t mean to be impertinent, certainly not. I realize you’ve had a difficult day, obviously I realize that. You just need to answer all my questions as honestly as you can. Would you like coffee?

ZARA: Is that what you call it? I saw what came out of that machine out there, and I wouldn’t drink that if you and I were the last people on the planet and you promised me it was poison.

JIM: I’m not sure if that’s more of an insult to me or the coffee.

ZARA: You said you wanted me to answer your questions honestly.

JIM: Yes, I suppose I did, didn’t I? Well, can I start by asking why you were in the apartment?

ZARA: What a stupid question. Were you the one standing in the stairwell when we were released?

JIM: Yes, that was me.

ZARA: So you were the first one into the apartment after we left? And you still managed to lose the bank robber?

JIM: I wasn’t actually first in. I waited for Jack, my colleague. You probably met him earlier. He was the first man into the apartment.

ZARA: You policemen all look alike, did you know that?

JIM: Jack’s my son. Maybe that’s why.

ZARA: Jim and Jack?

JIM: Yes. Like Jim Beam and Jack Daniel’s.

ZARA: Is that supposed to be funny?

JIM: No, no. My wife’s never found that funny, either.

ZARA: So you’re married, then? Well done you.

JIM: Yes, perhaps that isn’t entirely relevant right now. Can you give me a short explanation of why you were at the viewing of the apartment?

ZARA: It was an apartment viewing. Is that phrase too hard to understand?

JIM: So you were there to look at the apartment?

ZARA: You’re about as sharp as a wet box of cornflakes, aren’t you?

JIM: Does that mean yes?

ZARA: It means what it means.

JIM: What I mean is, were you planning to buy the apartment?

ZARA: Are you a real estate agent or a policeman?

JIM: I just mean that it would be easy to assume that you might be a little too well-off to be interested in that apartment.

ZARA: Oh, it would, would it?

JIM: Well, what I mean is that my colleagues and I might think that. One of them, anyway. My son, I mean. Based on some of the witness statements, I mean. You seem comfortably-off, that’s what I mean. And at first glance this apartment doesn’t look like the sort of thing that someone like you would want to buy.

ZARA: Listen, the problem with the middle class is that you think someone can be too rich to buy things. But that’s not true. You can only be too poor.

JIM: Well, perhaps we should move on. By the way, have I spelled your surname right here?

ZARA: No.

JIM: No?

ZARA: But there’s a perfectly logical reason why you think it’s spelled that way.

JIM: Oh?

ZARA: It’s because of the simple fact that you’re an idiot.

JIM: I’m sorry. Can you spell it out for me?

ZARA: I-d-i-o-t.

JIM: I meant your name?

ZARA: We’d be here all night, and some of us actually have important jobs to do, so why don’t I summarize things for you? A lunatic with a gun held me and a group of poor, less well-off people hostage for half a day, you and your colleagues surrounded the building, and the whole thing was on television, but you still managed to lose the bank robber. Right now you could have prioritized being out there trying to find the aforementioned bank robber, but instead you’re sitting here sweating because you’ve never seen a surname with more than three consonants in it before. Your bosses couldn’t make my taxes disappear faster if I’d given them matches.

JIM: I understand that you’re upset.

ZARA: That’s very clever of you.

JIM: I just meant that you’re in shock. I mean, no one expects to be threatened with a pistol when they go to view an apartment, do they? The papers may keep saying that the property market’s tough these days, but taking hostages is probably going a bit far. I mean, it says in the papers one day that it’s a “buyer’s market,” then the next that it’s a “seller’s market,” but in the end surely it’s always just the damn banks’ market? Don’t you think?