ZARA: By the balcony door.

JIM: And where were you during the rest of the hostage drama?

ZARA: What difference does that make?

JIM: Quite a lot of difference.

ZARA: I can’t imagine why.

JIM: Look, you’re not a suspect. Not yet, anyway.

ZARA: Sorry?

JIM: Well, look. What I’m trying to get you to understand is that you need to try to understand that my colleague is convinced that one of the hostages helped the bank robber to escape. And it seems odd that you were there at all, to put it bluntly. To start with, you had no reason to want to buy the apartment. And you don’t appear to have been frightened when the bank robber aimed his pistol at you.

ZARA: So now you suspect that I helped the bank robber to escape?

JIM: No. No, not at all. Look, you’re not a suspect at all. Well, not yet, anyway. I mean, you’re not a suspect at all! But my colleague thinks it all seems a bit odd.

ZARA: Really? Do you know what I think your colleague seems like?

JIM: Can you tell me what happened in the apartment, please? So I can record it? That’s my job here.

ZARA: Sure.

JIM: Great. How many prospective buyers were there in the apartment?

ZARA: Define “prospective buyers.”

JIM: I mean: How many people were there who wanted to buy the apartment?

ZARA: Five.

JIM: Five?

ZARA: Two couples. One woman.

JIM: Plus you and the real estate agent. So seven hostages in total?

ZARA: Five plus two is seven, yes. You’re very smart.

JIM: But there were eight hostages?

ZARA: You haven’t counted the rabbit.

JIM: The rabbit?

ZARA: You heard.

JIM: What rabbit?

ZARA: Do you want me to tell you what happened or not?

JIM: Sorry.

ZARA: Do you seriously think one of the hostages helped the bank robber to escape?

JIM: You don’t think so?

ZARA: No.

JIM: Why not?

ZARA: They were all idiots.

JIM: And the bank robber?

ZARA: What about the bank robber?

JIM: Do you think he shot himself intentionally or by accident?

ZARA: What are you talking about?

JIM: We heard a pistol shot from the apartment, after you were released. When we got inside the apartment the floor was covered in blood.

ZARA: Blood? Where?

JIM: On the carpet and floor in the living room.

ZARA: Oh. Nowhere else?

JIM: No.

ZARA: Okay.

JIM: Sorry?

ZARA: Excuse me?

JIM: When you said “okay,” it sounded as if you were about to say something more.

ZARA: Definitely not.

JIM: Sorry. Well, my colleague is convinced it was there in the living room that he shot himself. That was what I was going to say.

ZARA: And you still don’t know who the bank robber is?

JIM: No.

ZARA: Listen—if you don’t explain soon how on earth you suspect I might be involved in this, you’ll end up wishing I had called my lawyer.

JIM: No one suspects you of anything! My colleague would just like to know why you were there in the apartment, if you weren’t there to buy it?

ZARA: My psychologist told me I needed a hobby.

JIM: Viewing apartments is your hobby?

ZARA: People like you are more interesting than you might imagine.

JIM: People like me?

ZARA: People in your socio-economic bracket. It’s interesting seeing how you live. How you manage to bear it. I went to a few viewings, then a few more, it’s like heroin. Have you tried heroin? You feel disgusted with yourself, but it’s hard to stop.

JIM: You’re telling me you’ve become addicted to viewing apartments owned by people who earn far less than you?

ZARA: Yes. Like when kids catch baby birds in glass jars. The same slightly forbidden attraction.

JIM: You mean insects? People do that with insects.

ZARA: Sure. If that makes you feel better.

JIM: So you were at this apartment viewing because it’s your hobby?

ZARA: Is that a real tattoo on your arm?

JIM: Yes.

ZARA: Is it supposed to be an anchor?

JIM: Yes.

ZARA: Did you lose a bet or something?

JIM: What do you mean by that?

ZARA: Was someone threatening your family? Or did you do it voluntarily?

JIM: Voluntarily.

ZARA: Why do people like you hate money so much?

JIM: I’m not even going to comment on that. I’d just like you to tell me, so that we’ve got it on tape, why the other witnesses say you didn’t seem at all afraid when you saw the bank robber’s pistol. Did you think it wasn’t real?

ZARA: I understood perfectly well that it was real. That’s why I wasn’t frightened. I was surprised.

JIM: That’s an unusual reaction to a pistol.

ZARA: For you, maybe. But I’d been contemplating killing myself for quite a long time, so when I saw the pistol I was surprised.

JIM: I don’t know what to say to that. Sorry. You’d been contemplating killing yourself?

ZARA: Yes. So I was surprised when I realized that I didn’t want to die. It came as a bit of a shock.

JIM: Did you start seeing your psychologist because of those suicidal thoughts?

ZARA: No. I needed the psychologist because I was having trouble sleeping. Because I used to lie awake thinking that I could have killed myself if only I had enough sleeping pills.

JIM: And it was your psychologist who suggested that you needed a hobby?

ZARA: Yes. That was after I told her about my cancer.

JIM: Oh. I’m very sorry to hear that. How sad.

ZARA: Okay, look…

26

The next time the psychologist and Zara met, Zara said that she had actually found a hobby. She had started to go to “viewings of middle-class apartments.” She said it was exciting because a lot of the apartments looked like the people who lived there did the cleaning themselves. The psychologist tried to explain that this wasn’t quite what she’d had in mind by “getting involved in a charity,” but Zara retorted that at one of the viewings there had been “a man who was thinking of renovating it himself, with his own hands, the same hands he eats with, so don’t try to tell me I’m not doing all I can to fraternize with the most unfortunate members of society!” The psychologist had no idea how to even begin to answer that, but Zara noted her arched eyebrows and hanging jaw and snorted: “Have I upset you now? Christ, it’s impossible not to upset people like you the moment you start to say anything at all.”

The psychologist nodded patiently and immediately regretted the question she asked next: “Can you give me an example of when people like me have been upset by you without your meaning it?”

Zara shrugged, then told the story of how she had been called “prejudiced” when she interviewed a young man for a job at the bank, just because she had looked at him when he entered the room and exclaimed: “Oh! I would have expected you to apply for a job in the IT department instead, your sort tend to be good with computers!”

Zara spent a long time explaining to the psychologist that it was actually a compliment. Does giving someone a compliment mean you’re prejudiced these days, too?

The psychologist tried to find a way to talk about it without actually talking about it, so she said: “You seem to get caught up in a lot of disagreements, Zara. One technique I’d recommend is to ask yourself three questions before you flare up. One: Are the actions of the person in question intended to harm you personally? Two: Do you possess all the information about the situation? Three: Do you have anything to gain from a conflict?”