I was as surprised as he was. But I continued blabbering words I didn’t know I felt, yet they flew out of my mouth just the same. “Yes. I think … I think it is time for me to date. I don’t know when Crawford will wake up. He wouldn’t want me to live frozen. I don’t plan on getting serious with anyone, but I think I need to date. He’s all I’ve ever known.”

“So who are you going to date? Charlie?”

I shrugged. I doubted after I left him tonight that I’d be dating him. All I had thought about was wanting Slate earlier. But that had been cleared up when he made sure I understood he wasn’t dating.

“I don’t know,” I replied as the waitress set our coffee down in front of us.

“Have you decided on what you want to eat?” she asked.

“No, give us some more time, please”—he paused and checked her name tag—“Mary,” he added.

She smiled and blushed. I didn’t blame her. “Okay,” she said, her voice going a little high-pitched.

“You’ve only ever been with Crawford. You have to be careful who you go out with. Guys can’t be trusted.” He sounded so earnest and sincere. Like he was telling me something vitally important, and I needed to get it.

“I’m not putting an ad in the paper or anything,” I replied, slightly annoyed.

“This is serious. Trust me on this. If you’re going to date, then at least let me clear him first.”

I wish I could have laughed at that. But the fact that he had just sounded like one of my older brothers stung so badly, I wasn’t sure I could take a deep breath. The first guy other than Crawford who I’d developed feelings for saw me as a sister. Until tonight and this moment, I hadn’t been able to admit I had feelings for Slate.

I hadn’t been ready for all this to hit me at once. I needed to leave. I slipped my clutch back on my wrist.

“I, uh, get it. I have four older brothers. I don’t need a fifth. But I’d like to go home. You stay and eat. I’ll … uh, catch up with you later.”

I barely looked at him while speaking, then slipped out of the booth and hurried to the exit. I needed an escape. There was no taxi line out here, so I just started walking. When I got far enough away I would call Mae. Or Google a taxi number. Something. I just wasn’t staying here.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“VALE!” I WAS expecting that. My dramatic exit was simply because I needed to get away from him before I burst into tears. But I knew he’d come running after me. I had just hoped I’d get farther before he could pay and chase me.

I stopped walking because he would catch me anyway. Staring ahead at the dark road leading toward campus, I took several calming breaths and tried to tell myself I hadn’t just acted like an idiot.

“What the hell?” he said as he slowed from his run to stop beside me.

The hell was I liked him. A lot. I wasn’t used to this. That was what the hell was.

“I was worried about you. Did I miss something or does my concern give you reason to run down the fucking interstate in the dark?” He threw his arm out toward the road I was headed on. Oops. Guess I hadn’t been going toward campus.

“I don’t need another brother,” I blurted out.

“You mentioned that. But I’m not trying to be a brother. Not even close.”

That made my chest ease a little. Not enough.

“I’m capable of choosing the right guys to date,” I added.

He looked skeptical. “This is your first time. I just … I just want you safe.”

“Why, Slate? Why do you care? Why did you bring me coffees, and text me, and come around? Why did you make me like you? Why? What was your purpose? To prove you could and then let me down?” I really hadn’t meant to say all that, but it gushed out anyway.

He stared at me like I was speaking another language. Did he really not see that he’d done just that? It all started with that damn coffee in the hospital.

“You needed coffee and you were alone. I wanted to do something to help.”

That was all he was going to say to all I’d just thrown at him?

“Well, you helped,” I said bitterly. Maybe too much. I started walking again. This conversation was pointless.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“To my room,” I replied.

“We’re about ten miles from the dorm.”

Well, crap.

“I’ll get us a taxi,” he told me, and instead of walking into the dark all alone I stopped and turned back around.

“Fine.”

“Vale,” he said with a sigh. “Don’t do this.”

“Do what?” Be honest? Was he against honesty?

“You know what. I like us. We work. I just can’t be more than what we are.”

“What are we, Slate?”

“Friends. Really damn good friends.”

Fine. That was what we were. I could live with it. This was a part of the dating years I never experienced. Wanting a guy who didn’t return the feelings.

“Okay. Then, friend, can you get me back to my room? I really want a shower and my bed.”

He pulled out his phone and made a call. When he was finished, he nodded back to Pancake Haven. “We need to go wait there. That’s the pickup.”

I started walking back feeling silly and hurt all at once.

“This isn’t going to change us, is it?” he asked, walking too close. He smelled good.

“No,” I said, wondering if that was true.

“You’re important to me, Vale. I didn’t plan on that, but you are.”

“Okay,” and I wanted to say, You, too, but I didn’t.

The taxi came fast, so no more awkward conversation about things staying the same. I got out my phone and sent Mae a text along with Charlie. Then I checked my e-mails and Instagram to keep busy. Luckily Slate didn’t try to talk.

When the taxi finally pulled up to my dorm, I slipped my phone into my purse and forced a smile before looking up at Slate. “Thanks for the ride. See you around.” That was the best I could do.

The best he could do was let me go. And he did.

* * *

WHEN I CRAWLED into bed about an hour later, I picked up the photo of me and Crawford by my bed. “I miss you,” I whispered. Then I opened the drawer on my bedside table and slipped it inside. Tonight I would cry. For Crawford and all we lost. And for finding someone else who I could have loved, but who would never give me the chance.

It is a weird thing to mourn a relationship that never was. I didn’t know this could happen, but it was real, and it was painful. When I woke up it would all be fresh. A new day. A time to find myself and learn to be happy. Life had dealt me some difficult cards, but I was going to find my own path now.

I didn’t need a guy to complete me. I never did. I just never had the opportunity to find that out. Until now.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

OVER THE NEXT week Slate texted a simple Hey, what you doing?

I had waited hours to reply. Finally I texted, Studying.

And that had been it. No more small talk or attempting to keep things as they were. They had actually never been much. He had made sure to not let me get too close.

Focusing on my classes and finding a job had become my way to get through the week without thinking about him. Too much. The job search wasn’t so difficult. Mae had hooked me up easily enough and tonight I started my first shift. They were throwing me to the weekend crowd on my first night, but Mae would be training me so I wasn’t too nervous.