More questions lingered on the tip of my tongue, but Growl didn’t give me a chance to voice any of them. He untangled himself from the blankets and got to his feet. “You should sleep.” He walked out without looking back. Sighing, I lay back down. I didn’t bother putting my nightgown back on. I was exhausted. Always exhausted. Worry kept me awake too many nights. I strained my ears, listening for Growl, and as usual I heard the creak of the back door and a few barks of the dogs before they fell silent again. Growl was a creature of habit. Maybe that was why the dogs were loyal to him. He gave them a hint of normalcy.

I shook my head in the darkness. Normalcy. My life had always been a good cry away from normal, but now?

***

Growl was more detached in the days that followed. I’d thought we’d finally made a true connection during our last conversation, but now he was pulling away again. He didn’t want me close. And I wasn’t sure how to change that. If he didn’t trust me, how could I suggest that he help my mother and sister? What if he told Falcone everything? Then it would all be over. And yet part of me was sure he wouldn’t tell Falcone about a single word we’d exchanged. Growl kept things to himself. He was that kind of guy.

He didn’t even come to my bed at night anymore. He was really trying to stay away from me. Was he worried I’d get too close? Was that even a possibility with him?

***

“Falcone agreed to let you visit your mother,” Growl said out of the blue while we were having coffee in silence one morning.

I almost dropped my cup. “Really? Why? Why now?”

“Apparently your mother is depressed and Falcone thinks that’s why the negotiations with New York are going badly. I told him it would be good for your mother to see you were all right, so she’d have something to fight for.”

I set the cup down on the counter and bridged the distance between us. I wrapped my arms around his middle and hugged him tightly, my cheeks pressed up against his chest. He tensed, then relaxed. We’d slept with each other several times, but this was the first time we actually hugged. I realized he never kissed or touched me if it wasn’t meant to lead to sex.

“Thanks,” I said, then pulled away and took a few steps back.

He was watching me with an odd expression. Was there longing in his eyes?

God, why did he have to be so difficult to read?

“I will take you to her now on my way to work,” Growl said.

I couldn’t wait to see my sister again, but at the same time I was terrified of facing her after what I’d done in the last few weeks. I’d been sleeping with Growl, and not because he’d forced me, not even only because I hoped to gain his trust. I enjoyed it. There was no denying it. If my mother knew, she’d never look at me again.

***

Pulling up in front of my old home felt strange. It didn’t feel like home anymore. Falcone and his men had ruined the place for me. My memory of the house I’d grown up in would forever be tainted with the blood and death of my father.

The windows hadn’t been cleaned since I’d left. Water stains and dust covered them.

“I thought you’d be happy,” Growl said as he led me to the front door.

I’d thought I’d be happy too, but I felt guilty and miserable and scared. I forced a smile, worried Growl might decide it was better not to let me visit my mother, if it made me sad. That was the last thing I wanted, even if setting foot into my old home made my stomach turn. “I am happy, just nervous.”

Growl looked doubtful but he rang the bell anyway. It took a long time until finally one of our old bodyguards, Daryl, opened the door. So he was guarding my mother? Had he always been Falcone’s spy? Probably. There was no loyalty in this world. Even my father had betrayed his boss for whatever reasons. Not that I didn’t understand him.

The bodyguard stepped back, an expression of caution on his face as he watched Growl. I felt a sick satisfaction at his discomfort. I wasn’t scared of Growl anymore.

Daryl gave me a nod, but I ignored him and quickly walked past him into the lobby. It was quiet in the house. Such a vast difference from the last time I’d been here.

“Cara?” came Mother’s meek voice from the living room. I rushed off toward my mother and found her sitting at the living-room table, which was set for lunch. I hesitated in the middle of the room. My mother had lost weight. Her cheeks were sunken in, her cheekbones protruding. She wore no makeup. She always had. And her dress was crinkled as if she couldn’t be bothered ironing it. Mother would have never worn a dress that hadn’t been ironed. She’d changed. I had changed. It was ridiculous to think that my mother or sister wouldn’t. God, Talia. How was she doing?

My mother rose from the chair and opened her arms. I didn’t hesitate. I flew into her arms. It felt good to embrace her, to smell her comforting scent, even if she hadn’t put on her usual perfume. Mother buried her face in my hair and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes, allowing myself a few moments of peace.

“I need to leave now.”

Growl’s voice sliced through the quiet. My mother and I stepped apart. Mother glared at Growl with disgust and fear.

I nodded. “Okay.”

“I will pick you up in two to three hours.” There was a hint of warning in his voice. I didn’t say anything. I wanted him gone, worried that Mother might notice something strange between us. I almost sighed in relief when he’d left.

Daryl was still in the room, though.

“Can you give my daughter and me some privacy?” Mother asked politely. She looked controlled now.

Daryl hesitated, but eventually he gave a terse nod. “I’m outside the door. Remember there are cameras.”

Mother tilted her head, looking dignified, but the moment he closed the door, she grabbed the edge of the table and sank down on the chair. I pulled a chair up beside Mother and grabbed her hand.

She searched my face, then checked my arms as if she was looking for bruises. “I’d thought I wouldn’t see you again. I was sure that monster would kill you.”

“Growl?” I said. “He didn’t hurt me.”

Mother shook her head. “Don’t lie to me. I know this world. I know the rules. I know more than I’ve let on in the past because I wanted to protect you and your sister.” She let out a sad laugh. “I failed.”

“You didn’t fail. What could you have done? They were armed. We had no chance against them.”

Mother touched my cheek, looking hopeless. “I wish I were stronger. I know I should ask what has happened to you, but I’m not sure I can bear the truth. You are so much stronger than I am, Cara. That you are here, looking healthy and unbroken…I can’t fathom how that is even possible.”

I smiled shakily. “I’m really fine, Mother. Please don’t worry about me.”

Mother closed her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t know how you can even talk to me after what I did.”

“What did you do?”

“I’m working for Falcone, helping him. After he gave you to that monster, I shouldn’t help him, no matter what he threatens me with. If your father knew, he’d be disappointed. He wouldn’t even look at me now.”

“Father is the reason why this happened. He is the reason we went through hell. It was his punishment that we had to bear. If he were alive, he wouldn’t have any right to judge you. He would have to apologize to us for being so selfish, and not thinking about the consequences!” It burst out of me. So far I hadn’t allowed myself to be angry, but now I realized I was. I was furious because Father should have known better. It was his job to protect us, and he’d failed.