I shouldn’t wait for something that was never going to happen. And what was even more important: I shouldn’t long for something that was so wrong. I couldn’t allow myself to forget why I was here, even if pretending made life easier. But I was a prisoner. Growl practically owned me, and even if he decided to let me go, which I doubted he’d ever do, no one in our world would touch me after I’d been with Growl, much less marry me. I was stained. Not fit for a good match anymore. I could never return to society. Las Vegas was dead for me. I leaned back against the sofa. A wave of loneliness was about to claw its way out of my chest again.

I caught Coco watching me. She looked perplexed “I don’t understand any of this either,” I whispered. She tilted her head to the side. A small smile tugged at my lips at her confusion.

I pushed to my feet. I wasn’t going to drown in self-pity. It wasn’t like I needed or wanted Growl’s affection or closeness. Sex was a means to an end. It helped me feel better and it helped me understand Growl better. If I wanted a chance at manipulating him into letting me go and helping my family, I’d have to use any tricks I had.

Growl

My dogs didn’t like humans. Even I had to fight a long time for them to trust me. But Cara, they seemed to love her. If dogs were even capable of that kind of emotion. I was certain that the majority of humans weren’t either. They liked the idea of love, but never reached that level.

Love. A silly notion. And dangerous. Horrible things had been done in the name of love. Or the idea of it.

I didn’t think I’d ever felt anything like it. At least I couldn’t remember. Perhaps I’d loved my mother when I’d been a small kid. I’d gotten a scar for it.

Love.

It wasn’t something I could comprehend.

Cara. That woman.

I felt something. But I didn’t know what it was. I’d never felt like this before.

She made me want to treat her right. She made me want to be better. She made me want so many things I shouldn’t desire

She was dangerous to me, to the life I’d built, to the person I’d become.

She wanted me to go against Falcone, against everything I’d worked so hard to achieve. That was why she let me touch her and why she sometimes smiled at me, why she talked to me and accepted my closeness. There could be no other explanation.

I knew that, and still I was like a moth drawn to her light. The only light that had ever penetrated the darkness that was me and my life.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Cara

“There’s something you should know.” Growl leaned against the kitchen counter as he so often did. He wasn’t tense but his gaze worried me. Something told me I wouldn’t like what he had to say.

“Okay,” I said slowly. “What is it?” So many horrible things had happened in the last few weeks, there wasn’t much left that could devastate me—and then fear struck me. “Is it about my mother or sister? Has Falcone decided he doesn’t need them anymore?”

Growl frowned as if he couldn’t imagine how I could have drawn that conclusion. Perhaps worry for others was something entirely foreign to him.

“No,” he growled. “It’s about your fiancé.”

“I doubt he is still my fiancé,” I muttered. Who would want me after everything that had happened? I was a pariah in our society.

Growl’s frown deepened. “He’s not. You’re right.”

His gaze was starting to unsettle me, which was surprising considering that in the beginning everything about him had unsettled me. Apparently now I needed an additional reason to feel uncomfortable in his presence. “Good,” I said firmly. “I wouldn’t want to marry him anyway.”

Doubt crossed Growl’s face. “Why?” he rumbled. There was something in his voice I couldn’t quite place.

I huffed. “Why? Do you really need to ask?”

Growl remained silent, that same stoic expression on his face.

“He betrayed my father to better his own position. He betrayed my family. He betrayed me. I don’t want a man like that: a man who is selfish, who doesn’t care whom he hurts to reach his goals. I don’t want a man I can’t trust. He’s a pig, and I wish I could spit in his face.”

“You will get your chance,” Growl said.

I paused. “What do you mean?”

Growl ignored my question. “What I need to tell you is that Cosimo and your friend are going to marry.”

I wasn’t sure I’d heard correctly. “My friend?”

“That Anastasia girl. Falcone told me last night. They announced their engagement yesterday.”

I couldn’t move. If this was a nightmare, I wanted to wake now. “Are you sure?”

Growl nodded. “Cosimo has a position of power now. He needs a wife and an heir.”

I laughed bitterly. “Didn’t take him long to find a new woman to marry.” I hated how the news made me feel. Despite my hate for Cosimo, I felt crushed. Not because I wanted to marry him, but because this made my life as it was now even more of a reality. There was no going back. Change was irrevocable. And Anastasia, how could she do this? I’d always known that Anastasia could be vicious and selfish, but we’d been friends since we could walk. We’d experienced so many things together. Didn’t that mean anything? How could my friend betray me this way? Had Anastasia known about everything? Had she already known at Falcone’s party? Perhaps that explained why she’d looked so pissed when I had danced with Cosimo.

No, it couldn’t be.

I didn’t want to believe that my friend wouldn’t have warned me. It seemed cruel. Crueler than what Anastasia was capable of. She liked to trash talk and destroy people’s reputations, but this was a different matter altogether.

Maybe Anastasia was a victim. Maybe her parents and Falcone had forced her to marry my former fiancé now that I wasn’t eligible anymore. After all, Anastasia was the same age as me and from a good family. I wanted to believe that, but the look Cosimo and Anastasia had exchanged at the party flashed in my mind. There had been something like familiarity between them. Or was I reading too much into it now that I knew of their engagement? I wasn’t in the right state of mind to think clearly, so I pushed the image away. I wasn’t able to bear the idea of my friend’s horrible betrayal. Not as long as I didn’t know all the facts. There was no sense in driving myself insane going over all the possibilities.

Growl was still watching me. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been lost in my thoughts, and I hoped my face hadn’t given away too much of my inner turmoil. “This doesn’t concern me anymore,” I said. “It’s not like I’m still part of their circle.”

“Why would you say that?”

Was he serious? “Oh come on. You must realize what’s going on in our society. Even if you don’t care about any of it. There are rules. And I was as good as exiled.”

“Because you’re with me.” Was there hurt in his voice? His constant growl made it even harder to hear the nuances of his emotions.

I pursed my lips. Had I offended him? “With you?” I asked curiously. “You make it sound like we’re a couple when I’m only your gift.”