I gasp. “How dare you accuse me! Slander, slander I say!”

“You smelled like sauce for four days after that,” Kieran offers irrefutable evidence. I smile.

“When you put it that way, you make me sound so bold. Possibly even…saucy.”

There’s an awkward silence in the car. Ulfric groans.

“You like pranking people who you think deserve it,” Kieran says. “And you’re thinking of pranking Summers.”

“What kind of outlaw do you peg me for, sir? Look at me! There’s no way I could ever think up something brilliant like rolling dung bombs under office doors or coating toupees with Crisco or putting spiders in desk drawers.”

There’s another silence.

“Or eyedrops. Replaced with pepper spray.”

Livy makes a thoughtful, approving noise. Kieran sighs and pulls into the parking lot of a flashy club with a neon sign that reads The Back Door, and we all pile out. Livy grabs Tessa’s arm and skips ahead. Ulfric looks at me like I’m a hungry tiger.

“You are very scary woman,” he says.

“Coming from you, Leif Candecapitateyouwithmyforearmson, that means a lot,” I pat his arm.

He looks appropriately offended. “I have never decapitate any people!”

“You should try it. It’s very relaxing.”

“When you’re done planning rampant murder,” Kieran drawls. “Let’s get some drinks.”

“How could we forget our Viking priorities?” I slap Ulfric on the back. “Booze first, blood second, boobs third.”

“Boobs first, booze second, blood never,” Ulfric corrects.

“Ahhh, don’t be such a stickler, Ulfie. The gods demand revelry! Onward to Valhalla!”

Like all people who’ve had the extreme luck to meet me in this lifetime he looks bewildered, but he follows me anyway into the booming club. We flash the bouncer our IDs, and he looks at Tessa’s a little longer than he needs to, and then he squints at one of my (many) fake IDs.

“Vanessa Gergich?” He asks. “And you’re thirty-three?”

I start to sweat. This is the one downside of twelve fake IDs.

“I’m very healthy?” I offer. “I eat my vegetables. I moisturize. I moisturize constantly.”

“She’s with me,” Kieran leans in. The bouncer glances between us, then sighs.

“Alright, Kir, but if she f**ks up I’m telling the cops it was you.”

Kieran flashes him a smile, and pulls me past the bouncer and towards the bar.

“One rum and coke for the lady,” He yells over the music, then turns to me. “That’s what you like, right? I’ve seen you drink it a bunch.”

“Yessir,” I nod. “But you don’t have to buy me anything, I’m a strong, independent –”

He shoves the chilled glass in my hand and slides a five across the counter to the bartender. I swirl it a bit, checking for dense foam that would indicate a dissolved pill. I mean, I trust the bartender, and Kieran. Sort of. But you can never be too careful. I sip slowly, and we stand like that, watching the writhing masses in short skirts and button-down t-shirts grind on each other. Tessa is dancing with Ulfric, still a little shy but smiling more now. Livy is grinding on some Italian-looking guy four years too old for her. The smell of sweat and cologne practically chokes the air. Strobe lights pierce our eyes and poke holes in our patience for Top 40 music.

“Is this just…” I pause and listen to the speakers. “Is this just someone saying ‘ass’ on repeat?”

Kieran stops, looks up, and starts laughing. “Holy shit, you’re right. What’s happened to music?”

“Money,” I say. “Money happened. But personally, I blame spandex and autotune and Yoko Ono.”

He laughs. Livy detaches her ass from Italian-guy’s crotch long enough to walk over to us, breathless and smiling.

“Hey, you guys. Come over here.”

We follow, curious, as she leads us to the bathroom hallway, covered in graffiti and bits of toilet paper. Livy pulls something out from her bra. She presses one into Kieran’s hand, then mine. It’s a small white pill shaped like a playboy bunny.

Kieran quirks an eyebrow. “Where’d you get these?”

“Heather, duh.” Livy huffs. “She was practically handing them out like candy at the house.”

“Is this what I think it is?” I ask.

“Molly?” Livy asks.

“Illegal?” I stress.

“Chill,” Livy rolls her eyes. “It’s just one tab. It’s not gonna kill you. And Heather always buys from a reliable guy, so nothing weird’s in it.”

Kieran pushes it back at her. “I-I can’t. I’m DD tonight.”

“It’s in and out of your system really fast,” She insists. “Like, way less time than booze.”

“Seeing giant red elephant monsters isn’t my idea of a good time.” I glare at it, but Livy smiles and pats me on the shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s not a hallucinogen. It’s really safe, I promise. I’ve done it a hundred times.”

I stare at the white pill. Nameless’ ugly words rear their head in my head.

‘Someone like that would never want someone like you.’

‘…he put you back in your place.’

“And maybe he just doesn’t want to f**k a ruined girl.’

‘No one else is going to want you.’

‘No one else is going to want you.’

I put the pill on my tongue and chug the last sip of my coke, drowning the words in their tracks. Kieran swallows his, too. I head to the dancefloor and wait to die. Or have a good time. Whichever comes first. Kieran shadows behind me, dancing with me, and even if he’s a little stiff in the legs and too white-guyish in the sense all he does is rock a little on his feet, I still catch myself smiling. Life’s been shitty, but dancing has always been good to me, for me. I can just drift, and think about nothing and everything with the music keeping the darkness at bay.

I didn’t know Heather bought drugs. I didn’t know she supplied them to frat parties, either. On the ladder of Bad Things To Do, that’s nearly drug-dealer level status. Or is it? I don’t know shit about drugs, and even less about the people who deal them. I just know a lot of people take them, and more power to those people, but they’re dangerous. Then again, I’ve been drinking nearly every day since that night at the centaur fountain, so who am I to judge? Who am I to get angry? I’m drinking away the pain, and that hasn’t been working. So I have to try something else. No danger is as bad as the things waiting for me in my own memories.

The bright strobe lights get brighter, more colorful, greens turning into red-blue, two colors at once. I blink, but the colors keep fracturing. They flash off girl’s makeup and jewelry, spots of gemstone color burning pleasantly onto my eyelids. Everyone looks so happy, so nice, so kind. No one will hurt me, here. I’m surrounded by good people. The darkness can’t get me, here.

Kieran smiles when I smile at him, and that’s a good sign, and he’s much more handsome than I thought before – sort of swarthy, pirate swarthy, Jack Sparrow swarthy (we don’t speak that name), dark and big-shouldered and he could protect me from the darkness, couldn’t he? Someone as strong as him could fight off anything, protect me from anything. I tried to protect myself for all this time but it was so hard. I’m so tired of doing it all alone. It would be nice to have some help. Kieran could help. Jack didn’t want to help anymore, which is okay, because I’m hard, and not really worth all that effort, even if he was the only one who touched me in the good way where my heart peeked out of its shell, but it was stupid, I was so stupid for thinking -