I calm after a while, the pain fading, because I know the truth. My parents didn’t love me.

And that wasn’t my fault.

But they did one thing right, I think as I hang onto my uncle and he holds onto me.

“So, you want me to tuck you in then?” Jake asks. “I can do that.”

I can’t help it. I let a laugh escape, and I feel his chest shake with one, too.

I lift my head up and wipe my eyes, seeing the drying tears streaked down his chest.

I wipe it off. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Sniffling, I take a dish towel and clean both of us up. “You know, I was trying to be happy,” I inform him. “Meet a guy and all, but you wouldn’t let me.”

“I was afraid guys for you right now would just be you acting out. I didn’t want you to do something you’d regret.”

I stare up into blue eyes. So if this was just me acting out, what was it for you?

I swallow. I can still feel his hands on me.

“And maybe I was scared, too,” he tells me, giving me a cocky little smile. “Everyone will want you, and it’s our time with you.”

A flutter hits my belly. I like it when they say stuff like that.

“You okay with that?” he asks.

I nod. Having a family is nice.

He pulls me down off the counter and gives me a swat in the ass. “Now go back to bed.”

I give a weak smile and feel his touch again as he tries to put my strap back over my shoulder. But it just falls back over my breast.

“And you probably shouldn’t walk around dressed like this,” he says, his voice quiet again.

I look up, meeting his eyes.

He cocks his head. “Especially this winter.”

Tiernan

I rest my head against Jake’s back, my face turned up to the sky. Small puffs of white clouds dot the blue, and the cool air fills my lungs with water and wood. I don’t remember ever being so relaxed.

I didn’t get much sleep after he sent me to bed last night, but I’m not missing it. Everything seems lighter now.

“Stop taking the reins,” Jake snips.

I smile, my arms tight around him as I grip the leather straps.

“But I like to steer.”

“That’s not how you steer a horse,” he chides over his shoulder. “Thought you knew how to ride.”

“I thought I did, too, but you won’t let me ride one on my own,” I tease, resting my chin on his shoulder.

Our rifles bob against my back as we ride around the barn and back up the driveway to the house. After chores this morning, Noah drove all the girls back to town, and Jake took me into the forest for target practice. I hadn’t seen—or heard—Kaleb since last night.

But as we ride past the large pile of gravel Jake had dropped off to recover the driveway this morning, I look over and see Kaleb, standing up on a ladder and fixing the pane of glass in the ceiling of the greenhouse.

He doesn’t look back.

“You hungry?” Jake asks.

He stops, climbing down, and I take his hand, letting him help me off.

“Yeah.” I’ve been hungry since breakfast, and I ate something then, too. A lot, actually. I could eat like three—

“Cheeseburgers!” I hear Noah scream all of a sudden.

I whip my head around and see him step out of the barn, holding his fists in the air.

I smile and then look back at Jake.

He shakes his head and pulls his keys out of his pocket, dropping them in my hand. “Go,” he tells me.

I start for the truck but stop and swing back, planting a quick kiss on Jake’s cheek.

He freezes, giving me a look.

I whip off Noah’s flannel and tie it around my waist as I back away, smiling. “You said I should do things that make me happy. You told me to find my bliss.”

“I’m pretty sure I would never say that.”

But I spot the little smile playing on his lips as he turns and grabs a rake to start spreading the new gravel.

Opening the door of the truck, I climb in, but Noah is suddenly there, forcing me over. I scoot down as he takes the keys from me.

But as I slide over to the passenger’s seat instead, that door opens and Kaleb is there. We lock eyes, and he jerks his chin, ordering me to make room. My nerves fire. I settle in the middle.

Both boys take their seats with me in the middle, and Noah fires up the truck, Kaleb’s arm resting on the seat behind me.

I cast a look over my shoulder at Jake through the rear window, trying to recapture the ease I felt just a few minutes ago.

“Don’t take forever!” he shouts and pulls off his shirt, stuffing it into his back pocket as he picks up the rake again to move the gravel. “I need help with all this!”

I hear Noah scoff as he starts the truck, and without a word, he speeds off, probably determined to take as long as possible now.

We wind through the forest, heading down the mountain on the narrow roads as the sunlight flashes through the trees and Noah reaches between my knees to shift the old truck.

I keep thinking about Jake’s last words last night.

Especially all winter.

They’re living it up now, because they know they’ll have to go without, but…

If Jake hadn’t pulled away last night, we wouldn’t have stopped.

I mean, I guess he’s right. We’re both lonely, and we acted out. I need family a lot more than I need sex, and going through with what we were doing last night would’ve complicated everything. He was right to stop it.

Right? I still taste his whisper on my mouth. You are beautiful and pulling my body away from yours was the most pain I’ve ever been in.

I rub my palms together in my lap as little butterflies go off in my stomach.

I don’t know. I felt great waking up today, knowing I didn’t do something I might’ve regretted, but… If it happens again, I still don’t think I’ll be the one to stop it.

“So, are you and my dad okay?” someone asks.

I blink, realizing it came from my left.

I look at Noah. “Huh?”

Why wouldn’t his dad and I be okay? Does he know something?

He glances over at me, trying to keep his eyes on the road, too. “The little thing…” he hints, “in the truck last night?”

It takes me a moment, but then I remember. The argument. When he threatened to spank me.

“He’s a pain in the ass,” Noah continues. “Seriously. Don’t let him get to you. I’m continually surprised he ever got hard enough to make us.”

And then he laughs, shifting into a higher gear as the truck cruises down the road and the wind breezes through the cab.

A smile pulls at my lips, and I put my head down, trying to hide it. He didn’t have any trouble last night.

I bite my bottom lip to keep the smile from spreading.

Reaching over, I turn on the music, “Gives You Hell” playing as we pick up the town’s radio station. Noah turns it up, Kaleb rolls down his window, and I start to relax as we listen to the music.

The green leaves of the deciduous trees mixed amongst the conifers show yellow tinges that will soon turn to oranges and reds before the violent winds of winter rip them free. The highest peaks in the state have already gotten snow, but here, the air just smells of hay and smoky, earthy food cooked over bonfires that kind of remind me of the fallen apples left to decay under the trees back at Brynmor. It feels like the anticipation you feel when you’re waiting for something to happen.