I gathered my hair around me and crawled back to the pile of discarded blankets on the floor, which felt a little closer to my straw mattress from home. I pulled a wayward throw up to my chin and cried myself to sleep.

      13

   I was woken by a shriek, followed by the sounds of the door being flung open and an armed guard forcing himself into the room.

“Milady, are you hurt?” the guard asked.

I sat up, blinking in the gloom, and rubbed my eyes. Ebb stood in front of me, a freshly laundered pile of linens in a heap at her feet, her hands covering her mouth. The guard stood behind her, one hand on the hilt of his sword, his mouth slightly agape.

“What is it?”

“I’m sorry, milady. It frightened me to see you in such a state.”

I turned around and caught sight of myself in the mirror. It was worse than I’d feared. My nearly waist-length hair was everywhere, and I was tangled up in my nightgown. Noticing my bare legs for the first time, I hastily pulled the fabric down and did my best to subdue my hair.

“You may go,” Ebb said to the guard, who was still frozen in place. He snapped his mouth shut and made a hasty retreat.

“I’m sorry, Ebb,” I said, my cheeks burning. “The mattress was too soft, and there were too many blankets, and the pins in my hair were pinching my scalp. I couldn’t sleep like that.”

She regained her composure quickly, at least. “I understand. I’ll knock first next time.”

“That would probably be better for everyone.”

As Ebb stooped to gather up the linens, I realized that the moss lanterns had gone dim. It wasn’t until I looked up that I understood where the light came from. There were dozens of holes cut into the ceiling high above me, and a small amount of light filtered down through the glass in each one.

She followed my gaze. “The most important chambers have these skylights.”

As charming as the term skylights was, their existence didn’t make me feel important. Was I really going to spend my days in perpetual semidarkness? I was a creature of the sun and air, not some pale worm who’d spent her entire existence under a rock at the bottom of the ocean. The walls around me suddenly seemed unbearably heavy.

“I need air,” I said.

“Milady?”

“Fresh air. I can’t live like this.” My heart had begun to pound in my chest, and I was finding it hard to breathe. My skin prickled and itched with sweat. “Please, Ebb!”

“What can I do?” she asked gently, though I could see my panic was beginning to unnerve her. “Even if I was allowed to let you leave, you can’t go out dressed like that. Try to take some deep breaths.”

“I can’t,” I said, clawing at my chest. “That’s the problem.” My eyes darted around the room. I needed something of Varenia to cling to, something that could bring me back to myself. My eyes landed on the bath, which hadn’t been emptied last night due to the late hour. Ebb had promised someone would take care of it this morning.

Without thinking, I stripped off my nightgown and plunged into the tub, forcing my head under the surface. The water was freezing, but that actually seemed to help. For a moment, I just sat there, my hair fanning out around me, my heart rate instantly slowing. I counted out the beats. One. Two. Three. Four. All the way to one hundred.

I had started counting from one again when I heard muffled shouts from above and opened my eyes. It was Ebb. I lifted my head from the water and pushed the dripping hair off my face.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, barely out of breath.

“You were down there for ages! I was afraid you were drowning.”

Now that my senses had come back to me, I realized just how cold it was in the water. “Can you bring me a towel?”

She brought over several and helped me out of the tub. “How did you do that, milady?”

I smiled as I wrung my hair out over the tub. “It’s easy for me. We do that from the time we’re little in Varenia. I’m sorry for worrying you. I just needed to calm down, and I couldn’t think of another way.”

“I understand. At least, I think I can imagine how I’d feel if I was taken from Ilara to live in your home. All that open water... From now on, I’ll make sure you have a warm bath prepared every morning and evening, if you’d like.”

I couldn’t imagine having access to so much fresh water, but the bath had helped immensely. “That would be nice, Ebb. At least until I’m settled.”

She helped me dress in a silky black gown that flowed behind me as I walked. Ebb said that everyone here was in mourning for Princess Ilara. Did that mean no one had worn anything but mourning colors for hundreds of years? I thought of my red dress, of how I must have looked to Talin in such a bold color. That alone must have been shocking.

Ebb pinned up my hair in the same half-up style, which I quite liked. It wasn’t as messy as wearing it all down, but it meant my neck wasn’t bared to the chill.

“Everyone is talking about you this morning, how lovely your complexion is. One of the cooks said it’s all the sunlight that makes you Varenians so healthy. We don’t get much sun here in the castle.”

“So I’m learning.” I felt guilty for thinking Ebb looked ill when I first met her. I appreciated the loveliness of her white-gold hair now, her fair skin. She would have burned to a crisp in Varenia, but it suited this place somehow. It wasn’t her fault she had no access to light and fresh air.

My stomach growled loud enough for both of us to hear it. It was impossible to keep track of time here in the mountain.

“What time is it?” I asked as Ebb fastened a long gold chain around my neck. A heavy black jewel hung between my breasts. It was cold and uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. I’d never worn jewelry before.

“Nearly midday. I’m afraid you slept through breakfast, but I figured you needed your rest after the journey you’ve had.”

I gasped and nearly knocked over my stool as I rose. “Midday! Is the royal family expecting me?”

“Not to worry. The king was a little overwhelmed by the commotion last night and has decided to keep to his bed today. I’ll take you down for luncheon, and then you’ll have a tour of the castle.”

“And the prince?” I asked, checking to make sure that the stain was still covering my scar completely as I passed the mirror.

“I’m not sure, milady.”

As Ebb led me back through the corridors, I tried to memorize our route. I noticed channels cut into the stone, with trickles of water running through them, and looked questioningly at Ebb.