“It’s fine.” He grabs a hoodie off the back of his desk chair and hands it to me. “Put this on.”

His cool, clean scent fills my nostrils as I slip it over my head. Most of the boys in my grade smell like cheese, sweat, and onions, but not Jace.

He always smells like freshly washed laundry right out of the dryer. Warm and familiar. Personal and intimate.

After carefully maneuvering my wet tank top off, I slide into the bed next to him.

On instinct, he drapes an arm around my midsection and tugs me until my back is pressed against his chest.

Sneaking out to Jace’s bedroom in the middle of the night to cuddle has been our little secret for the last two years. It’s not something we bring up, and it doesn’t happen all that often. Just when one of us is missing our mom so bad we can’t take the pain and we need to be around someone else who understands.

Like my dad, the Covingtons don’t like to talk about their mother either. Especially Liam and Bianca, since they were in the car during the accident.

According to Jace, the only one who brings her up from time to time is Cole.

But he only talks about the happy stuff. The Hallmark, cookie-cutter moments.

Never the important things.

Like how sad and depressed his mom became a few months before she died.

Or the fact that Jace is the only one who knows why she was so upset.

Well, Jace, Mr. Covington…

And the woman he cheated on his wife with.

Jace wants to confront him about it and tell his siblings the truth, but he feels like if he does, he’ll be taking the only parent they have left away.

Given my current situation, I can understand why he’s so hesitant.

“It hurts.” My chest is so full of grief and heartache, I’d probably sink right down to the bottom of the deepest ocean. “It hurts so much.”

He holds me tighter as I ride out the next wave of pain. “I wish I could fix it.”

Me too.

“He promised me,” I whisper between sobs that soak his pillow. “He promised he’d never forget about her or get a new family.”

“I know it sucks, but you still have me.” There’s a serious edge in his tone, as if this promise is one he’s determined to keep. “I’ll always be here.”

“It didn’t feel like that today,” I say before I can stop myself.

The limbs wrapped around me tense. “I know.”

I’ve always been the kind of person to push the envelope, and this moment is no different. The thought of losing him terrifies me and I need to know our friendship will survive my stupid crush.

“I hate fighting with you, Jace. It feels like fighting with myself. It ruins my entire day and every day after that…until I know we’re okay again.”

“Same.” His heart speeds up and mine follows suit. “I don’t have a problem fighting with anyone else in my life. But fighting with you…it seriously fucks my head up.” His voice drops to a whisper. “It was the same way with my mom. Whenever we’d argue—I couldn’t stay mad at her for long. It would eat me up inside because I knew how much she loved me. And even though I hardly ever said it back, I...” His voice trails off.

“She knew you loved her.”

Jace might not ever say it, but I know he needs to hear it.

I keep talking when he stays silent, hoping he won’t shut down.

“She was really beautiful.” The first time Jace let me watch one of her old Bollywood movies, her beauty rendered me speechless. “She really lit up the screen.”

His forehead finds the crook of my neck and he lets out a heavy sigh. “She always smiled in her movies.” I can feel the shift in his demeanor. “She was great at putting on a show. Hiding behind a mask and pretending everything was perfect when people were watching. Cole’s a lot like her.”

I shift to face him. “He’s not the only one. You might not be as obnoxious as your brother, but you keep people at a distance.” I brush the hair out of his eyes. “Only let them see what you want them to see.”

He levels me with a look. “We both do.”

He’s got me there. With one small exception.

“Not with you. You get all of me.”

I’m not sure what to make of the expression on his face. It’s a strange mixture of pleasure and turmoil. “Don’t.” He averts his gaze. “You have to stop doing this, D. It’s not fair.”

To say I’m baffled would be an understatement. “What’s not fair?”

“You.” He unwinds his arms from around me. “Being around you when you’re like this.”

He’s not making any sense. “Like what?”

He sits upright. “I need you to stop having feelings for me. Or we can’t…” He crosses his arms. “If you can’t control yourself, we can’t be friends. It’s as simple as that.”

I’d almost laugh if he didn’t look so serious. “If I can’t control myself? You’ve got to be kidding me.” I stand up so I can locate my shoes. “Do you hear how stupid you sound?”

I can handle my best friend not having feelings for me. What I can’t handle is him being so hot and cold about it.

One second Jace looks at me like I’m the answer to some unspoken prayer. But the next? It’s like I’m the Devil dragging him on a road trip to Hell.

“Don’t leave,” he mutters when I finish tying my sneakers.

I glare at him. “Don’t be a vapid asshole.”

The first time I called him vapid during a fight, he stomped off and didn’t talk to me for two days. After we made up, he confessed he hated the word because that’s how he felt after his mom died.

Devoid of color and feeling. Dead. Just like her.

I’m about to apologize for hitting below the belt, but he narrows his eyes.

The next words out of his mouth are the equivalent of a knockout punch.

“I wouldn’t have to be an asshole if you’d learn to take the hint and quit being a desperate parasite.”

Anger brews in my gut. Screw him.

He’ll see how desperate and dependent I am when I never speak to him again.

“Better a parasite than a coward,” I toss out as I walk over to his window.

It’s pouring again, but I’d rather be caught in the rain for an entire week than be anywhere near him.

I can feel him behind me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Being careful not to slip, I open the screen and slowly start guiding myself out the window. “Not everyone can keep their feelings bottled up inside for eternity because they’re scared.” I stretch my arm out toward the tree branch so I can swing myself over. The rain is beating so hard it’s hard to focus. “I’m not a robot like you are. I can’t pretend not to feel—”

I yelp when my hand slides off the branch and I lose my balance. I’m almost positive I’m going to plummet, and my face will break my fall, but Jace grabs my legs and hauls me back, causing me to bump the side of his house instead.

He doesn’t bother hiding the mocking glint in his tone as he wrangles me through the window frame. “I told you it was dangerous.”

After gathering my bearings, I turn to face him. “Want a cookie?”