“It’s not your fault,” Crow repeats, pulling into the police station. We’re going to speak to them about Billie, to get any extra information they might have for us. We’re also meeting my dad’s lawyer here, because I know that they are going to want to question me.

   Crow can tell me it’s not my fault all he likes. He can scream it at me until he’s blue in the face. It wouldn’t make a difference.

   I brought her into this.

   If it weren’t for me, she’d still be alive and happy, maybe in love with Cam.

   Another innocent life, lost.

   And I’m the thing they all have in common.

Chapter Nineteen

   I take the rest of the week off work. After talking to the police, they let me know that I’m not a suspect and I don’t have to go back to the station. Crow hires two new people, so I don’t feel so guilty about sitting around in my underwear for a few days. Crow, Saint, Renny and Temper come to my apartment to install security cameras and put extra locks on all the doors and windows. Better to be safe than sorry, they say.

   But it’s too late for Billie, and right now I don’t really care what happens to me. I just want everyone else to be safe.

   Am I supposed to just hang around until my uncle sorts this out? Is he going to kill Jasper? What’s going to happen to Jean? I wish I knew what his plan was. I’d rather the two of them end up in prison than be killed, if I’m being honest, but I know it’s up to them to handle the situation as they see fit.

   “Hey,” Crow says as he steps inside, locking the door behind him. “Have you moved from that spot since I left this morning?”

   “Yes, I went to the fridge and the bathroom,” I reply, smiling at him sadly. “How was work? How are the new staff?”

   Small talk. Small talk is safe, and I’d rather talk about anything other than how I feel right now.

   “They’re good. I should have hired people sooner,” he admits, sitting down close to me. “Everyone is worried about you, and asking when you’ll be back.”

   “I’m the worst employee ever,” I say, sighing and resting my cheek on his shoulder. “Lucky I have a good boss, huh?” Any other job and I’d definitely be fired by now.

   “Your job is always there for you,” he promises, pressing his lips against my temple. “And if you don’t want it, and you need to take a break from work completely, that’s okay too. You’ve been through more than any one person should, so no one would blame you if you need a break.”

   “I want to work,” I tell him, frowning. I’ve never not worked, and I’m not someone who would ever be okay with not paying my own way. I wasn’t raised like that. But I appreciate his offer and understand where he’s coming from, wanting me to put my mental health first. Crow really is a man who looks after his woman, physically, mentally, emotionally...and even financially. Even though I wouldn’t accept that, it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

   “Just saying, you do have options,” he says gently. “I spoke to your uncle today.”

   “What did he say?” I ask.

   “He said he has a plan and needs a little time, and for us not to worry. Just try to stay safe, and he’s handling it,” Crow explains.

   How am I supposed to not worry?

   As much as I appreciate my uncle handling things, I want my say in what is going to happen. I don’t like that decisions are being made without my involvement. Maybe Nadia was right and we should’ve gone to the police. At least then I’d be able to look my father’s killer in the eye.

   “Okay.” I sigh. “I just want all of this to be over, you know? I’m glad we found out the truth about everything, but it came with a price.”

   A price too high: a life. Something I can’t afford or replace.

   Billie.

   Closing my eyes, I picture her beautiful face, and wish that things were different. She was the sister I never had, the person who knew me better than anyone else besides my dad.

   But I can’t change what happened. And the only thing I can do now is see this through, and try not to let the guilt and regret eat me from the inside out.

   “You can’t look at it like that,” Crow murmurs, standing up and pulling me with him. “Come on, let’s make some dinner. You need to eat.”

   “Okay,” I reply, following him into the kitchen. I go through the motions, but the truth is that with every tragedy I’m changing, evolving, and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

   Grief is a monster.

   We cook spaghetti together, and not for the first time I thank my lucky stars that Crow came into my life. With all the bad going on, I don’t want to ever forget the good, and he’s really being my strength through everything that has happened.

   “I love you,” I say, stopping him in his tracks with my hand on his chest. “Like, I really, really love you.”

   Completely.

   “I love you too,” he replies, smiling widely, picking me up and placing me on the counter. “And we’re always going to be okay. No matter what life throws at us, we’re going to handle it. Together.”

   Together.

* * *

   After the funeral, I go home and cry. No one should have to attend two funerals in the same month. It’s just not fair, but I guess life never is. It’s hard to look at the bright side, or to be grateful that I’m still here, but I need to. I know Dad would want me to live my life, and Billie would too.

   “The speech you made was beautiful,” Crow says as he sits down on my bed. “You’re a good friend.”

   I feel like a virus that just keeps infecting people. “I don’t feel like a good friend,” I say into my pillow.

   “Well, you are,” he says, rubbing my back. “I know you’re going through a really hard time right now, but you’re going to be okay. You will get through this. Tomorrow is a new day, and so is the day after that. You won’t have to relive this one.”

   The thought that I don’t have to ever relive this day ever again is more comforting than I’d have known.

   “I love you,” I say, once again muffled by the material.

   He laughs softly and kisses the back of my head. “I love you too. I’m going to cook some dinner, and then the prez wants to see me, so I have to pop into the clubhouse.”

   “Okay.”

   Once I’m alone, I think about everything that has happened. I can’t just lie here waiting, hoping that this whole situation will go away. When is it going to be handled, and what does that even mean? What’s going to happen to them? I need to know.