I guess in a way he did still terrify me, because the unknown scared me more than anything. I’d grown up with Blake, so I’d trusted him until he started changing—and he was easy to like, everyone had loved Blake. Taylor, despite the obvious first day, hadn’t done anything to me. In a way, he’d been protecting and taking care of me, and I’ll never forget those first two, pained I’m sorrys. But I also knew how fast someone could snap and turn into a different person entirely.

Shaking my head quickly to clear my mind of my confusion, I got off the mattress and paced around the small room for another immeasurable amount of time until I heard the echo of heavy footfalls, and the beeps of the lock for the door. I scrambled back to the mattress and had just brought my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around my legs, and rested my cheek on my knees when the door opened and Taylor walked in. He usually walked right over and placed my plate down next to me, but this time he didn’t. When I heard the rustling sound of plastic bags, I rolled my head so my chin was on my knees now, and my eyes widened when I saw him standing there, weighed down with a local grocery store’s bags, and bags and drinks from . . . oh my God, Taco Bell!

“I got you some stuff,” he said gruffly and set the food and drinks down at his feet before walking over to stand directly in front of me.

I watched as he opened the first bag and began pulling out deodorant, a toothbrush and toothpaste, a hairbrush and ponytail holders, girly shampoo, conditioner, a razor, and soap—since whatever I’d been using was definitely meant for men. The next bag opened and he pulled out large packs of men’s undershirts and boxer-briefs. I raised an eyebrow at first when he sat them down next to me, but I didn’t say anything.

“There’s no way in hell I was going to be able to pick out a bra for you, and women have too many different kinds of underwear. This was easiest, but they might be too big on you.”

I couldn’t even complain. My throat was closing up, my eyes were burning, and it was taking everything in me not to reach out and run my hands over it all. I hadn’t brushed my teeth since the night before I was taken, and I hadn’t put deodorant on or brushed my hair since the same time. Even though I was able to take showers every day, I had to put my old underwear, sleep shirt, and little shorts on once I was done; and it felt like I was never getting clean. If I could have clean clothes, even men’s clothes, I didn’t care.

The last bag opened, and a shaky smile crossed my face for the first time since I’d had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting Taylor, as he pulled out different colored nail polishes.

“I don’t know if you like these colors, but I watched you pick off what you had on your nails. So . . . here.”

A package of pens followed, and the smile fell as confusion set in; but then he brought out a journal, and my stomach dropped.

“I had to watch you for a long time, I don’t know what you wrote about, but I know you used to write every day. Anyway, that’s it,” he said and took a step away from the mattress.

I picked up the journal and ran my hand over the front of it as tears fell down my cheeks. I knew sometime later I would be creeped out and put Taylor in the same zone Blake had been in, since Blake had people following me, and somehow had gotten cameras into our apartment. But right now, all I could think about was that I was going to be able to write to my parents again. It’d been over four and a half years since my parents died, and for four years I’d been writing in journals to them every day. Not being able to talk to them had been about as hard as not being with Kash.

My mouth opened, but it took four tries before any noise came out, since I’d gone so long without using my voice. “Why?”

Taylor froze and straightened from where he’d been bending down to grab the food—his eyes were massive when I looked up at him. “Why did I buy you all that?”

Shaking my head, I wiped away tears with my free hand and cleared my throat in preparation of speaking again. “Why did you take me?”

“You will never understand how sorry I am,” he stated.

“If you’re sorry, then why?”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

I could see the torment in his dark eyes, and I didn’t understand it. My voice was still rough and low as I forced out, “But why am I here? What was the reason for taking me?”

He ran his hands through his hair and seemed to scramble for the right words to say. After a few moments of floundering, he exhaled roughly and shrugged. “I can’t tell you. Just know that I didn’t want to be a part of this and I’m sorry.”

The depth of his apology had my mind traveling down a path I hadn’t once considered since being taken, and I gasped loudly before I could cover my mouth. “Is he okay? Kash, is he okay? You didn’t hurt him, did you?”

“We aren’t touching him. He’s . . . safe.” The confusion on my face must have prompted him to continue. “I doubt he’s fine because you’re gone, but as long as you’re here, he’s safe. We aren’t going to physically do anything to him.”

“And—and me?”

He’d started to bend down to the food again, but his dark eyes flashed back to mine at my question. “I’ll never hurt you.”

I hadn’t spoken in well over a week, but now that I was talking to Taylor, it was like I couldn’t stop. Even though my throat screamed in protest from lack of use, I straightened out my legs and sat the journal down next to me as I leaned forward on the mattress. “If you don’t want to be a part of this, why are you? Why would you do something like this?”