“No,” he said, holding his plate up with that same boyish smile, “of course not.”

“I see,” she murmured thoughtfully as she focused on the large pan filled with fried chicken, taking her time selecting the perfect piece as she mulled over her options.

“I’m glad that you do,” he murmured as the pan of meatloaf drew his attention.

“So, you just want to talk?” she asked, giving him a chance to come clean and cut the bullshit.

“Yes, I just want to talk,” he said, somehow managing to keep a straight face as he lied his incredibly hot ass off.

“That sounds reasonable,” she said slowly, trying to keep the suspicion out of her tone as she searched his expression, looking for something to help figure out what he was up to, but other than the brief triumphant expression that he quickly hid, there was nothing.

“Great,” he said, grabbing her plate as he gestured towards the beverage table, “Why don’t you get us a couple of drinks and I’ll meet you at the table where we can try to work this out?”

“Sure, sounds great,” she said, wondering if she’d end up going to hell for what she was considering doing.

When he leaned down and kissed her cheek, shooting her a sweet smile as he pulled away, her shoulders sagged as tendrils of guilt crawled up spine, forcing her to rethink her plans to torment him. It was kind of mean and he was trying to work this out, she thought with a sigh, deciding that maybe she should hear him out first before she did something that she was going to regret.

Decision made, she headed for the beverage table only to stop a few seconds later when something that she couldn’t quite explain had her looking over her shoulder and watching as Darrin walked across the busy restaurant. For a minute she watched as he navigated his way around tables, children running wild, oblivious adults standing around tables and waitresses carrying stacks of dirty dishes. When he carefully placed their plates down on the table and sat down, she shook her head, calling herself paranoid and started to turn around when she saw it.

That triumphant smile, the same one that she’d seen countless times over the years when a Bradford thought he’d gotten his way and the one that usually graced Darrin’s lips before she did something incredibly stupid to wipe that smile off his face.

This time would be no different, she decided, ignoring the warnings going off in her head, begging her to stop and rethink this before it was too late, but she ignored them like she usually did and headed for the salad bar. He had this coming, she reminded herself, thinking about how much it hurt when he’d suddenly dropped her from his life after he’d made her go through with his asinine plan, but most of all, she decided to go through with this because of that damn dare that had started it all.

*-*-*-*

“Ummm, that’s a lot of lettuce,” he said, unable to help wondering why he was staring down at a large plate piled high with semi-wilted iceberg lettuce.

“Yes, yes it is,” Marybeth easily agreed.

“Why exactly am I looking at a plate of lettuce?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“Because you looked hungry,” she explained sweetly.

“I’m a Bradford, sweetheart. We’re always hungry,” he needlessly reminded her, picking up a small piece of wilted lettuce that had fallen on the table and tossed it back on top of the pile.

“True, but you looked especially hungry tonight,” she said, making him frown as he looked up to find her watching him with an oddly triumphant gleam in her eye, the same gleam that-

“Oh, shit,” he gasped, shoving his chair back as he got to his feet and headed for the exit, which was unfortunately over a hundred yards away and currently blocked by two little kids, a group of old ladies and some guy pausing in the middle of the aisle to take a sip of his drink.

Knowing that he’d never make it to the exit before his vicious wife dared him to do something that would probably destroy a piece of his soul, he made a split second decision and headed towards the bathroom located in the back of the restaurant. It wasn’t a permanent solution, but it should at least save his ass and give him a chance to figure out a way to leave the restaurant before-

“Hand me my walker, dear?” an old woman with the kindest smile asked as she slowly stood up and blocked his only means of escape.

Shit…            

“What’s the rush?” the evil woman that he loved more than anything asked, clearly taking great pleasure in stretching this out.

He considered jumping over the table and saying the hell with it, but he knew that he would never make it in time. Sighing, he closed his eyes in defeat and muttered, “Just do it.”

“And limit my joy in getting you back for the past month? I’m not really sure that I can do that,” she said with relish, clearly enjoying the moment while he struggled to come up with a dare that would save his ass, but he wasn’t fast enough.

“Fine,” she said, sighing heavily. “If I must. I double dare you to stay here until they throw you out.”

Well…..that really wasn’t so bad, he thought, turning around as he tried to hide his relief. Maybe she was losing her touch after all these years. This was probably the lamest dare that she’d ever come up with, daring him to do something that he would normally do anyway. She was definitely losing her touch, he decided as he sat back down. He picked up his fork and dug into his food, but just as he was about to take a bite of mashed potatoes his world came crashing down around him.