“What do you mean, why? I just said why.”

 

“Okay.” He took out a beer and popped the top off.

 

“No, not okay. What do you mean, why?”

 

He grinned at last, and I felt like the joke was definitely on me. I just still had no idea what the joke was.

 

“I just figured since you were the reaper, you’d do something about it.”

 

“About what?”

 

“About your uncle being slated for my birthplace.” He walked back into his living room and picked up the TV remote.

 

I took it from him. “Osh, what do you mean? Spill or I’ll… I’ll melt your remote with my… my fire.”

 

His brows inched higher, unimpressed. “You aren’t the quickest rabbit in the race, are you?”

 

“That’s it.” I focused all my energy on his remote and —

 

“Okay,” he said, jumping up and grabbing it from me. “Chill. All I’m saying is, you’re the freaking reaper. Just, you know, do what you do. Unmark him.”

 

He sat back down and turned on the TV while I stood there in a sea of confusion.

 

When I didn’t move out of his way, he leaned to the side, unfazed.

 

“I can do that?” I asked at last.

 

“Of course. Isn’t that your job, anyway? Part of it, at least.”

 

I sank back onto his sofa. “But I didn’t even know he was marked.”

 

“You just didn’t look. It’s there, plain as Dayton, Ohio. Want to watch Buffy?”

 

“Oh, hell, yes,” I said, snuggling into his cushions. Then I remembered I had places to be. “Crap. I can’t. I’m going to be late for class.”

 

“Class?”

 

“I’m taking a business class so I can run the world once I take it over. You know, from a fiscal standpoint.” I hadn’t really grasped the whole fiscal concept as it applied to world domination, but I loved saying it out loud. It made me sound smart.

 

“Ah. Well, get your ass out then. Maybe I can still salvage my evening. Snack on a couple of thieves.”

 

“Osh.” I took his hand in mine.

 

He eyed me warily.

 

“Are you mad at me for almost killing you?”

 

The once-over he gave me, the one filled with appreciation and interest and humor – mostly humor – warmed me to my toes. “No, sugar. I’m honored you think so highly of me to entrust me with your light.”

 

“Also, you were the only one who could have handled it.”

 

“There’s that,” he said with a grin.

 

I considered everything else I was willing to entrust him with – namely, my daughter, the future of the world, my daughter. Mostly my daughter.

 

“I thought about selling it on eBay,” he added, “but I had no idea how to ship a box full of all-powerful, omnipotent light.”

 

I laughed, leaned in, and kissed his cheek before heading for the door. Just as I was about to go through it, he said, “Oh, I meant to ask you, what’s with all the angels?”

 

 

7

 

 

I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet, so if I get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

— BUMPER STICKER

 

I called Uncle Bob on my way to class. I’d considered telling him about his impending doom, but I didn’t know how. Or what to say. Or where to start. He’d want to know exactly how we knew. Did I then tell him about his inevitable trip to Lucifer Land? How could I?

 

He picked up on the first ring. “Hey, pumpkin.”

 

“Hey back. So, I was wondering if I could find out who was in charge of the abduction of Dawn Brooks. And if you could get me everything you have on it.”

 

“I can look into it. What are you doing?”

 

“Right now?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Heading to class.”

 

“Class?”

 

Why was everyone so surprised I was taking a class? “I’ve decided to become an exotic dancer.”

 

“Sounds good. Do you think you could do me a favor?”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Could you, maybe, stay home for a few days?”

 

I waited for a solid minute for him to clarify and/or explain. When he didn’t, I asked, “Can you tell me why?”

 

“Oh, you know. Just a lot of crazy in town lately.”

 

That was so amazingly lame. “That’s the best you got?”

 

“At the moment, yes.”

 

“Then, no.”

 

“I could make you stay home.”

 

I’d pulled up to a stoplight, and thank goodness I had. His statement stunned me. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean I’d like you to stay home for a few days.”

 

“I’m heading to class.”

 

“Skip.”

 

“No.”

 

“I insist.”

 

“Then I desist.”

 

“I don’t think that means what you think it means.”

 

“Uncle Bob —”

 

“I could order you to.”

 

“Well, you’d best be ordering your coffin at the same time.”

 

“I mean it, Charley.”

 

“I suggest a nice mahogany.” The car behind me honked before I realized the light had turned green. I pulled into South Lot and shifted Misery into park. “Uncle Bob, until you can give me a legitimate reason —”