What the hell? Jax didn’t let shit like this happen. People respected his house and his belongings, and people kept their clothes on.

I stepped onto the back porch, instantly smiling through my relief.

There he was.

Playing with his toys, of course.

He was smiling, the black pants that I loved hanging low on his waist, and his long, muscular torso looking utterly gorgeous. His face was easy and relaxed, and he combed his hand through his hair, making my stomach flutter. I thought I saw him glance my way, but then someone said something to him, distracting him.

Everything was fine. He didn’t even look drunk, either.

He laughed at something a friend said and then tossed his wrench into a box on the table. And then I watched, my smile falling, as he came up behind a girl …

… pulling her hips into his and burying his mouth into her neck.

What …

My breath shook, and I shot my eyes down to the floor, trying to steel my face, but the tears pooled anyway.

No.

I quickly glanced back up, desperately trying to keep the fucking tears away.

What the hell? My heart hammered, flooding my body with a nervous energy, and I fisted my shaking hands over and over again.

His fingers held her waist, and I could see her grinding her ass into him as her blond head fell back against his chest. His hand splayed across her stomach, bare in her half shirt, and his mouth touched her skin.

I clutched the wooden post in front of me, watching as he turned her around and let her put her arms around his neck.

I looked away again, wincing. He wasn’t doing this. I knew Jax.

My mother, my father, Liam, no one got me, but Jax got me. We made each other better. He would never do this.

“Oh, my God,” Shane whispered beside me, seeing what I saw.

I stood up straight, the ache in my chest making me want to crumble and cry instead.

Walking down the steps, I saw Jax’s eyes fix on me almost immediately. His back straightened, and the girl with her hands all over him turned, following his gaze.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at Madoc’s?” He sounded pissed, dropping into a cushy lounge chair and bringing the girl down into his lap as if I was of no consequence.

“You son of a—,” Shane barked, but I shot out my arm, stopping her.

I steeled myself and stood there, looking at him.

Only him.

Into those blue eyes that were mine, at least for a while.

I ignored his hand rubbing her thigh. It didn’t hurt.

He was touching someone else, and I didn’t want to scream, and my heart didn’t bleed a thousand times worse than when I’d lost my father.

I clenched my fists and let the fucking lump sit in my throat.

It didn’t hurt.

“Is she your girlfriend?” the blonde asked.

Jax smiled his cocky smile and touched her stomach, his thumb grazing under her shirt. “Well, if she is, I hope she plans to share.” He kissed her cheek. “You’re too sweet to give up.”

She let out a quiet laugh and inched her lips into his face. “You just like me because I let you do anything you want to me.”

Jax smiled, letting his head fall back as he looked up at me. “If you want to join in, we can all go up to the room.”

Shane immediately hooked my arm from behind to pull me back, but I yanked it free, scowling down at Jax.

I’d always told myself that I deserved good things—that I was worthy—but fuck if I ever believed it. You can’t tell yourself anything. Your heart only believes what it feels, and experience is the best teacher.

I reached forward, grabbed the girl’s arm, and yanked her off Jax’s lap.

“Hey,” she whined, but I planted my hands on his armrests and glowered down at him.

His gorgeous face watched me.

“Why?” I demanded.

His eyes narrowed. “Because I can.”

I shook my head. “This isn’t you. You’re not cruel, and you don’t want her. Why are you pushing me away?”

“It’s just summer fun,” he retorted. “Now fuck me or fuck off.”

I dug my nails into the chair, searching his eyes for anything soft. Anything warm and mine. Anything I could recognize.

But all I saw was his sick smile.

“I barely see her,” I whispered, baring my teeth. “I only see you. Your father didn’t make you unclean. The shit you’ve been through didn’t make you dirty. This,” I seethed, pointing at him and growling low, “this—right here, right now—is what makes you scum.”

I pushed off the chair and backed up, seeing his eyes turn dark and wanting the guy who could barely control himself in the kitchen last week when I’d made him dinner. The guy who was jealous my ex-boyfriend called. The guy who called me his girl.

I wanted him to carry me up to his room and close the door so we could be lost in each other as if the rest of the world didn’t exist.

But he just sat there.

I’d fought for Liam and look what that got me. It was someone else’s turn to fight for me.

I turned and left, letting the hot tears fall. It fucking hurt. My lips pursed together, trying to stop the flood, but it was no use.

I hated him.

And I loved him.

And tonight he was going to be sleeping with someone else, or maybe he had already last night or today, and I was an idiot. I was a fucking nonstop train wreck.

I grabbed Shane’s hand, squeezing it tight as I pushed our way through the crowd and out the front door.

I’d see him again. Probably a lot. And I cried more, realizing that. The tears burned my cheeks, and even though they just kept coming and coming, my sobs were silent. Misery usually was.

“Hey, where you going?”

I stopped, looking up at Tate through blurry eyes.

And Jared.

And, fuck me, Madoc and Fallon, too. I guess everyone decided to chase me down.

I sniffled, clearing my throat. “Home.” I tossed Madoc his keys and took a step, but Tate grabbed me again.

“Hey, hey. Stop,” she ordered, and I looked away when she held my shoulders. “You’re crying. What’s wrong?”

I said nothing. I didn’t need to talk about it. I’d spent my life around people who taught me nothing, and now I just wanted to be alone for a while. I wanted to be proud of myself.

I’d grown up.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and squeezed her tight, my face pinching with the heartache and the tears streaming down.

“I love you,” I whispered, and then pulled back and spoke to Jared. “I’m sorry I used you in high school,” I said, and looked to Tate, whose eyes were bright with concern. “And I’m so sorry I hurt you. I was wrong, and I will never betray your trust again.”

Tate’s voice shook. “Juliet …”

But I’d already turned and left.

CHAPTER 26

JAXON

I hate how Gordon walks behind me down the stairs. I want to see him coming, and I always feel as if he’ll push me. I move faster than normal¸ the bulge in my pocket giving me courage.

“There’s my boy,” I hear as I reach the bottom of the stairs.

My stomach shakes at the sound of her voice. Sherilynn, my dad’s girlfriend, is always the first to touch me, but I don’t look up. Her frizzy red hair, blond at the roots, and her smeared red lipstick always look the same. Her clothes, too small for her body, remind me what she wants with me, and everything is dirty.

Everything.

If I don’t look I can imagine that she’s pretty. Her wrinkled skin will be soft, and I can pretend that her voice, hoarse from too many cigarettes, is sweet.

I know there are pretty things in the world. Girls at school. My teachers. Things could be clean and sweet and pretty. The moms who pick up my classmates look as though they smell good.

I’ve never been hugged by someone who smelled good.

I curl my toes inside my old, cracked, secondhand sneakers, and I close my eyes as her hands go into my hair. My body feels sick, as if it wants to breathe but can’t, and the world turns black.

The wet, cold smell of mold, cigarettes, and dirt fills my nostrils, and I want to puke.

“Do you want the other one?” Gordon asks behind me.

The other one?

Sherilynn strokes my face. “Yeah, I think it’s time. Go get him.”

I snap my head up, opening my eyes. “Who?”

“Your brother, dipshit.” Gordon pushes my shoulder. “Time for him to join our fun.”

I swing around, pushing Gordon’s chest. “No!” I roar, and he darts out, grabbing my hair at the scalp.

“Why, you little shit.” His hand flies across my face in a loud smack that echoes in the room. My cheek burns, but I don’t stop.

I kick him and swing my arms. “Don’t touch him!” I yell, my face hot with anger.

My father had just beat the crap out of him while I was in the freezer, and tonight I was getting us out of here. I had to get him home.

I swing furiously, not even thinking. No!

“Take him!” Gordon yells, and I tense as soon as I feel Sherilynn’s fist in my hair, stinging my scalp.

Gordon lets go and his fist slams right into my face. I fall to the floor instantly, my ears ringing and my brain fogging over.

I hear footsteps on the stairs, and I dig out the knife in my pocket. The one I’d grabbed off the counter before they brought me down.