I’m four, and they don’t tell me what’s wrong, even though I keep asking. All I know is that my daddy can’t live at home anymore. His hair is messy, and he never had a beard before.

“Katherina.” He waves me in with his hand, wanting me to come.

“Daddy, I’m Juliet,” I mumble, and my mother pinches my back.

My lip shakes, and my face hurts. I did something wrong. When I do bad things in public, she pinches me, because she says she can’t yell at me.

I see my daddy’s face look sad, and I drop my hands, because I want him to love me. “I’m just kidding.” I smile as big as I can. “I am Katherina.”

And I run to the safety and love of my daddy’s arms, holding on tight, even though he thinks I’m my sister.

I couldn’t believe it, and I hated to admit it, but the asshole was right. I wasn’t my dead sister, Katherina, and what was worse, I didn’t even know who the hell Juliet was anymore. I barely existed.

What ice cream did K.C. like? Because I’d just eat that so I wouldn’t confuse my father’s happy delusions. Did I have to wear Mary Janes to church every Sunday just because they were K.C.’s favorite shoes? I hated Mary Janes, but no, I was supposed to like them, so I decided just to like them and forget about it. What did I want to be when I grew up? Or, wait. What did K.C. want to be? Because Daddy liked to talk to her about that, and I had to try not to upset him.

In death, my sister was perfection. She never bit her nails, acted up, or listened to bad music. She was beautiful, perfect, and alive. Juliet was the dead one.

I trailed around in a daze, having slept barely at all the night before, and stripped off my pajama shorts and cami as I stepped into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I climbed in, my heavy limbs moving only as much as they had to, weighted down with fucking defeat.

Gutless and helpless.

I dipped my head back and shivered as the hot water poured welcome heat all over my skin. The weather outside was hot and wet, and I kept the temperature inside at eighty degrees, not wanting to run up the Brandts’ electric bill while I stayed here. But even though it seemed I was constantly wiping sweat off my brow, I wanted it hotter. I turned the faucet, increasing the temperature from a pleasant thaw to a fever, and I didn’t care if it was almost too much. I wasn’t cold anymore.

“… writhing and sweaty and begging.”

I tilted my head, leaning it on the shower wall and closing my eyes.

“I wanted to taste how wet you were for me.”

Sucking in my bottom lip, I felt the fire pool between my legs, and my head felt as if it were floating.

It could’ve been the heat of the shower. Or it could’ve been the memory of his breath on my face. It had smelled like apples and pears and rain.

Like summer. How could anyone’s breath smell like summer?

“I used to fantasize about pinning you against the lockers at school …”

Reaching down, I slid my hand up the inside of my wet thigh, the urge undeniable. I should’ve let him have me in high school, but I was afraid he’d rip my life apart. I was afraid he’d confuse me. And here I was, just as confused as ever, and I should’ve let him screw me. Ten times a day, whenever he wanted, because at least I would’ve been Juliet again, and I would’ve felt something.

I brought my hand up between my legs and ran my middle finger along my slit, rolling my hips into my hand.

Oh, God, that felt good. I breathed hard, rubbing my hand faster.

I was at least grateful for one of the things my mother had encouraged. Waxing. I’d opted to get it all removed. I loved it, and I wondered if Jax liked that sort of thing. My fingers rubbed against the smooth skin, and the pressure built in my belly with the pleasure of skin on skin.

My fingers slipped inside my folds, and I reached up and held one of my breasts with the other hand, wishing it was his hands squeezing and kneading while his tongue swirled around my cunt.

Shit. I just said “cunt.”

I never said words like that, but Nik constantly used them, and somehow it didn’t seem out of place right now.

I groaned, swirling my fingers around my clit, feeling the hard nub pulse like an automatic weapon. I wanted him.

Jax’s tongue was on me, and the hot spray of the shower doused his body in shimmering droplets. I wanted to lick them all.

But he was doing all the action right now. His tongue darted out to lick and play over my hip, up my stomach, and then stopping to French-kiss my breast before he stood up straight. Grabbing me by the back of my hair, he stared down at me as he whispered into my mouth.

I want your legs wrapped around my waist as you ride my cock.

“Oh, God,” I cried out, swirling my clit faster and faster. “Yes.”

I was throbbing and on fire, and I wanted what I had never wanted with Liam. Leaving the water running, I climbed out of the shower and hurried for the bedroom, dripping all over the rug. Yanking open the bedside drawer, I pulled out the vibrator and crashed onto the bed, lying on my back.

Spreading my legs, I turned the dial as far as it would go, and I heard the buzzing getting louder and louder. Working the head around my clit, I gasped at the swirls of pleasure filling my stomach.

Holy shit!

I started feeling little waves rolling through my belly. My eyes fluttered closed, and I arched my back off the bed, wanting more, needing more.

Oh, God.

Rubbing the vibrator over my entrance, I bit my bottom lip. The tantalizing vibrations felt so good.

“Oh,” I groaned, feeling the quakes and quivers inside my body.

“I wanted to dirty you up.”

“Jax.” My voice shook as I pumped the cock around my entrance, never going in, but just massaging and teasing. My legs shook with the pleasure of what was happening inside me.

“Oh, God!” I screamed, spreading my legs wider.

Heat poured out of me, and I wanted this more than I’d ever wanted anything. The deep vibrations pulsed in quick hums inside my womb.

Oh, God. Faster, faster, faster …

I arched my back and moved the tool up and around, rougher and rougher, massaging my clit.

“Oh, God. Fuck!” I cried out, shaking and sucking in air as the cyclone between my legs racked through me. “Yes!”

I came, gasping and moaning as I reached up and fisted the hair at my scalp.

My arms ached with exhaustion, and I slowly relaxed my eyes that were squeezed shut.

Jesus. I blinked, seeing the white ceiling come into focus.

What did I just do?

“You know, if you could talk to me at some point in the foreseeable future, that’d be greeeeat, mkay?” Shane imitated the guy from Office Space as she trailed me in the school hallways Monday morning.

“Why are you even here?” I asked, sounding just as annoyed as I felt. It was eight o’clock in the morning on my first day of tutoring, but Shane was on summer vacation with no reason to be here other than to be a pain in my ass.

“I’m transitioning the new cheer captain.” She smiled. “I’ll be around tons.” The snarky arched eyebrow was meant as a threat, and that was when I finally noticed the spandex shorts and sports bra she was wearing.

Ugh. Damn. Damn, damn, damn, damn. I thought I’d be safe at school at least.

Ever since the party last Thursday, she’d been on my case to give her the scoop on what had happened with Jax.

No comment.

I’d buckled down, prepared for tutoring, and spent my remaining days of freedom at the gym or lying out tanning in the backyard, although that was uncomfortable, since the brick wall made it easier to see through. Jax had come out in the backyard yesterday and immediately shoved all his friends back into the house when they interrupted my tanning. It wasn’t like Jax to do anything to make me comfortable, but I appreciated it, even though I promptly got up and went inside anyway.

Luckily that was the only time I’d seen him, though. I’d heard his car in the mornings and in the middle of the night, coming and going at odd hours, but that was the thing. It was constantly coming and going. The guy hardly sat still and once he was home, he’d turn around and leave again minutes later.

I’d resisted the urge to peer out the windows, and I’d been avoiding Shane and texts from Tate and my roommate, Nik.

“Look,” I said, grabbing the doorknob to the chem lab. “I’m sorry I’ve avoided you. I’m nervous, okay?” And that was true. I was practically squeezing the life out of the strap of Tate’s messenger bag. “Just give me a couple of days to get settled in. We can do dinner Wednesday night. Sound good?”

Shane twisted her full lips to the side, looking displeased, but I couldn’t help it. Jax’s hateful words from the other night were still flowing through my mind, an ever-present whisper, and to make matters worse, I masturbated to him the very next day. Seriously?

Right now a nice, long walk with Tate’s iPod sounded like heaven. It was really the only company I wanted.

“All right.” Her mumbled answer took some weight off my shoulders. “Do you want a ride home? I get done at eleven. I’ll stick around,” she offered.

“No.” I shook my head and smiled. “I’m actually enjoying the walks.” Looking forward to them was more like it.

She gave me a playful sneer, her hazel eyes amused. “But it’s so hot. Really?”