When the sun’s at its highest, more people show up at the lake. People I recognize. People from my class. One of Jeremy’s friends—Lucas—approaches, walking right up to Lucy. “What are you doing here?” he asks her.

She stands up from her sun bathing position and hugs him quickly. Cam shakes his hand. They all look over at me. Lucas’s smile falters momentarily, before shoving his hands in his pockets, his gaze lowered as he makes his way over.

I square my shoulders, not knowing what to expect.

“Hey, Riley.” He stops a few feet in front of me, his eyes meeting mine. “It’s been a long time…”

I nod, wiping my sweaty palms on my wet legs. “You know Lucy?”

He laughs once. Not from humor, but probably from the same nerves I’m feeling. “Yeah, she’s my sister.”

“Really? I didn’t know…”

“Yeah. She’s not big on claiming me.” He pauses a beat. “So you and Banks?” He smiles up at me, hoping for a reaction, one I don’t have. When enough time passes and he must realize that, he rubs the back of his head and adds, “I’m a sucky friend.”

My eyes narrow in confusion. “What?”

“I should’ve reached out to you after everything happened. Especially with the crap people were spreading about you. I knew it was bullshit and I should’ve done something to stop it, but I don’t know…” He shrugs. “By the time I got the balls to do it, you’d already left.”

“Left?”

“Yeah. That’s the rumor. That your mom shipped you off somewhere to serve your house arrest…”

I shake my head in disbelief.

“Really?” he asks.

“I’ve been home all this time.”

“But I came by once—”

“You did?”

“—and nobody answered,” he finishes.

“Oh.” I don’t bother telling him that I was probably too drunk to hear it.

“I’m sorry, Riley. You would’ve hurt the most of all of us and we just…”

I shrug and look away. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. We were all hoping we’d see you here last year but understood why you weren’t.”

My eyes shift back to him, my head tilted. “Last year?”

“We came here last year to pay our respects. And we’ve made a pact to come here every year until we’re old and gray,” he says through a chuckle. Then he points to the rest of Jeremy’s friends standing twenty yards away. They’re all watching us. “They’re probably too afraid to come and talk to you.”

“Why?”

“Because they all feel the same as I do. They feel guilty that we weren’t there for you like we should’ve been… like Jeremy would’ve wanted us to be.”

I feel the tears prick my eyes, the impact from his words, and the acceptance of forgiveness hit me all at once. “We were all grieving,” I tell him.

“I suppose. Coming here, remembering him, it helps.”

I don’t know what to say, so I smile.

Jake’s beside me now—my substitute protector should I need one.

Lucas adds, “So listen. We all chipped in and got a plaque made up. We got permission to put it up on the cliff. It’s a piece of Jeremy for eternity and it’d be an honor if you were the one to put him to rest.”

In loving memory of Jeremy Walters

Your life is your legacy.

We will never forget.

Thirty-Five

Riley

Amanda scrunches her nose in disgust as she looks at Mikayla first, then Lucy, then at me. We have Kindles in our hands. They have wine. I have soda. It’s the first time I’ve hosted a book club at my house, which, by the way, is only a book club for the first half hour.

Amanda sighs, throwing her Kindle on the carpet in front of her. “You know… I don’t mind anal play in books, if that’s what you’re into, have at it! But like, fucking wash the thing before you put it in your mouth. The fucking germs.” She sticks out her tongue, gagging at the thought.

“That’s what you got from the entire book?” Lucy asks through a laugh.

“I couldn’t finish it after that. I just kept running to the bathroom to use mouthwash.”

Mikayla laughs, stopping momentarily to look down at her ringing phone. Her smile fades. “It’s Heidi,” she announces. She takes a breath and holds it, eyeing us all as the phone continues to ring.

“Are you going to answer?” Lucy asks.

“I don’t know. I hate lying to her about where we are.”

“Why would you lie?” I ask.

Her eyes widen. “I didn’t mean to offend, Riley. I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s…”

“Awkward,” Lucy chimes in. “It’s nothing against you. I think we make it more awkward than it is.”

“Wait.” I rear back in surprise. “You guys don’t feel like you have to choose or keep secrets because of us, do you? I mean, if it came down to it, she was your friend first. I’m not going to get in the way of that. Besides, we’ve been in the same room together before—”

“Yeah, but Dylan has always been there so…” Amanda’s words die in the air.

“This isn’t middle school. We’re adults,” I tell them. The phone stops ringing, and then starts again a second later. I pick it up and hand it to Micky. “Tell her to come over.”