My eyes narrowed at his question, then trailed to where we collided. "Oh," I said as understanding dawned. Marine Corps Career Center.

"Yeah," he replied.

"You’re joining the Marines?"

He cleared his throat and leaned back on his outstretched arms. His legs kicked out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. "I think so."

"Huh."

He sat up and faced me, with one eye squinted to block out the sun. "Actually, I don’t think. I’m almost positive I’m going to enlist."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"No one knows?"

"No. I haven’t told anyone."

"Why?"

"Why haven’t I told anyone, or why am I doing it?"

"Both."

"I don’t know." He sighed. "Truthfully, I always planned on it after high school, you know? But then I met Heidi—" He paused, waiting for an emotion to settle before continuing, "I met Heidi, and I didn’t want to be without her. She wanted the college life—I wanted her. It wasn’t a hard decision. I’d have followed her anywhere."

"And now?"

He shrugged. "Now, she still wants the college life, and it’s not for me."

"I’m sorry," I told him. I didn’t know either of them well enough to give more support or advice. Maybe that’s why he’d thought it was okay to talk to me about it. Maybe he’d needed someone who wasn’t going to talk him out of it.

"Me too," he deadpanned.

"So, are you and Heidi done?"

He shook his head. "I don’t think that matters."

"How can it not? I’m sure she—"

"Amanda," he cut in. His tone was flat, serious. He turned his entire body to face me. "I’m sorry."

I reared back a little, surprised by his words. "You’re sorry?" I laughed once. "What? Why?"

He shrugged. "For Logan."

"I don’t want to talk—"

"I know," he said. "Micky and Lucy warned us . . . but I am sorry."

I swallowed my emotions. "You don’t need to be sorry."

It was quiet for a moment. The birds chirped above us. Their sounds seemed to be magnified by our silence. "I get why he did it—why he left."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he stopped me. "You were his girl, Amanda. He loved the shit out of you. And somehow, his life, merged with yours, caused a horrible outcome. Ask any decent guy; they’d tell you the same thing. It’s our job to protect our girls, to keep them safe, to make them happy. He thought he failed. If it were me, I’d do the same thing. I’d run. Hell, I’m probably doing it now—joining the marines. But it doesn’t even compare to what happened with you. And Logan, he’s a great guy, the best, but he doesn’t know how to handle that kind of hurt, you know?"

I blinked, and let the tears fall.

He kept talking, "I just—I know you hate him, or at least you want to. But don’t blame him for what he did. Maybe running away was the only way he thought to make it right."

I nodded. It was all I could do. Maybe he was right, or maybe I just wanted him to be. He stood up and offered me his hand. I took it. Then we stood in front of each other, my face to his chest—the guy was huge. I tilted my head so I could see his eyes. "Whatever Heidi is making you feel, she’s wrong. She has no idea what she’s about to lose."

Suddenly, his arms were around me. "Thank you for listening," he said, his voice rough.

"No, Dylan, thank you for speaking. It’s rare."

He laughed.

So did I.

I missed it—the laughing.

***

"Happy birthday, homo," Ethan sang. We were in Tristan’s yard, sitting at our usual spot of the dock on his private stretch of the lake. His parents were loaded, but the type of loaded that meant they were absent more than they were home. We’d spent way too many quiet nights here drinking.

"Thanks, baby," Tristan blew him a kiss.

Ethan belched.

I nudged Alexis next to me. "You think that’s hot?"

Her eyes were half shut, her face a shadow of red from the fire pit in front of us. "Dude, your brother is hot. You can’t deny it."

"I can totally deny it."

"Shut up," she huffed. We both watched the guys, about ten feet away, with their beers in their hands, play-fighting. "Ethan’s always been hot."

It was my turn to tell her to shut up.

She snorted.

"Have you ever told him?"

"What?" She sat up. "That I want to hump him?"

I threw my head back and laughed. "Ethan!" I called out.

"Shut up," she warned.

I didn’t care. I was having fun tonight. I wasn’t drinking, but I wasn’t brooding, either. "Lexi said she wants to hump you."

They stopped play fighting and immediately faced us.

"Oh my God," Lexi moaned into her hands that were covering her face.

I laughed at her, and then looked up at the guys. They were standing close to each other, having a heated discussion. Tristan chuckled, pushing Ethan towards us. They walked the few steps until they were around the pit with us. Tristan took a seat while Ethan stood in front of Lexi. I watched him, confused What the hell was going on? He must have noticed, because he gave me that shut-the-fuck-up look I’d gotten used to in our almost twenty-one years together.