Razor blinks, and the horror mirrored there as he realizes he was two seconds from pile driving me and Chevy causes me to ache for my longtime friend.

Chevy offers Razor his fist and with a deep breath Razor shakes off Mr. Hyde for Dr. Jekyll.

Regret deepens the already constant pain in Razor’s eyes and instead of bumping Chevy’s fist, he holds out his hand for a shake. Chevy accepts and the two end up in a brief half hug. Razor’s haunted by a hurt too deep to understand. His mother messed him up in ways that none of us can begin to know how to heal, and because of that, we’ll always have his back.

When they let go, Razor nods at me. I nod back. The all clear that we’re good.

Razor picks up the football, taps Stone on the back and pitches the ball in the air. “Let’s work on your catching.”

Stone reaches out his hands and the ball soars straight through. Chevy turns his head to hide the wince. I school my expression but internally feel the pain. Olivia used to read a book to me when I was a kid about a lion that was a late bloomer. I sure as hell hope that fifteen will be Stone’s bloom year because, for him, fourteen ain’t doing shit.

Not missing a beat, Razor swipes the ball and leads Stone away from the guys shooting the breeze. A few light cigarettes and laugh loudly. Everyone’s roughed up and bleeding. The game’s more tackle than two-hand touch and that’s the way we like it.

We’re in the large grassy area between Olivia’s house and the clubhouse. Thanks to the utility poles, we can play football all night and typically we do, but this summer, my ass has been on Emily patrol.

I lift my shirt and remove the blood from my lip and when I glance over to the porch to check on Emily, she quickly looks away and slides that long dark hair forward like a shield. She’s playing cards with Olivia on the porch and even though she’s dealing, I will her to peek at me one more time.

Eli’s gone again and so is most of the club as they’ve been traveling for the business. He was here for a few days and was stuck to Emily’s side and now he’s on the road and I’m back on duty.

Everyone was banned from here when Eli was away the first time. Now, with him gone again, anyone who is a brother is allowed to come and go, but there’s no partying, no old ladies, no friends of the club, no hang-arounds and above all, no strangers.

All of it is to protect Emily. The slow introduction, according to Eli, is to desensitize her to the way things really work around here.

Chevy kicks at the back of my knee and I sock him in the shoulder. “What was that for?”

“For staring at Emily like you’re three seconds away from showing her the back of the clubhouse and sharing dirty secrets. You do that with Eli around and you can forget making prospect. He’ll put a bullet in your brain.” He mimics his finger as the gun, pulls the mock trigger, then stumbles with the imagined impact.

I shrug even though I know he’s right. “She’s hot.”

“That’s sick. She’s my cousin.”

I don’t mention how Violet was like a sister to me and how Chevy buying condoms six months ago when he was solid with her made me want to vomit. If he didn’t love her, I would have torn out his jugular.

Chevy flicks his chin to where Razor’s showing Stone how to hold his hands together for a catch. “Ever wonder if we’ll get a text from him telling us that we need to help hide a body?”

“Yeah.” Not if. At this rate, with his temper, it’ll be a when. “I kissed her.”

Chevy drops his head. “When?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I look over at the porch again. Emily lays down her cards and smiles at Olivia. Fucking smiles. The type that brightens her face. The one that she doesn’t do often. The one that she’s given me more than a few times. The one I crave for her to give me again and again. The one I see in my dreams as she’s crawling up the bed half-naked to kiss me.

God, there’s something wrong with me.

“We kissed at the clubhouse in Lanesville.” I withhold the part where she blackmailed me. I’ve gotta own some pride. “I thought she was leaving.”

“Why are you telling me?” he asks.

I meet his eyes and he shakes his head in pissed-off understanding. I’m telling him because someone knowing I made a mistake will prevent me from doing it again.

“You’re messed up,” Chevy says. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“You want me to snag some girls again? Maybe that will help.”

It helps him with Violet. He gets buzzed and loses himself in someone else. He did it two weeks ago with the girl we met up with after the peewee football game. But me? The girl I was with wanted sex. Pretty much asked me to fuck her in several languages, but I ended up taking her home. I couldn’t stop comparing her to Emily.

Pigpen strides up to us. “Are we going another round?”

Over on the porch, Olivia laughs and rolls her head against the Adirondack chair to appraise her granddaughter. Emily watches her for a second, then gathers the cards and picks up two glasses as she stands. Good girl for reading the signs of Olivia’s exhaustion.

The games are over for tonight.

“Tell everyone to pack it in. Olivia’s heading to bed.” Which means Emily will be following soon and my next phase of protecting her begins.

Emily

TRISHA: ELI STILL GONE?

Me: Yep. His job requires him to travel a lot. You should have seen Oz and his friends play football tonight. It was full-on tackle. No pads. Definition of insanity.