But remember, if I don’t, I will be there in spirit. I promise to make a deal with heaven to get a front-row seat to your life. I want to see the two people I love most in the world experience this lifetime together. If I’m there with you right now, you know how much I love you, because I’ll be crying as you read this, just as I’m crying happy tears right now.

Your life was blessed before you even arrived. No matter how God determines my fate, you won’t be alone. You will do great things, and I will be watching you and cheering you on, either right there beside you or above the clouds.

Love you always,

Mommy

Harlow

Blaire sat at the table trying to get Nate to eat his dinner. He wasn’t interested. He was focused on the door his daddy and his uncle Grant had just walked through.

“You have to eat,” Blaire told him as he slammed his small hands on the high chair in frustration.

“No! Dada!” he shouted.

Blaire rolled her eyes. “‘No’ is his new word of the week. If I’ve heard ‘no’ once this week, I’ve heard it a million times. That and ‘Dada’ seem to be his favorite words. Last week, it was ‘cah’ and ‘Dada,’ ‘cah’ meaning car, which means he wants to go in the car. The kid likes to go.”

I smiled and watched as he pointed at the door and demanded, “Dada,” again. He was very fond of his father.

“I give up,” Blaire said, setting down the bowl of oatmeal she had been trying to get him to eat. “Let me see if Rush minds taking him outside with them.”

Nate watched his mother walk to the door with complete concentration until he realized I was still seated on the other side of him. He swung his silver eyes my way and gave me a toothless grin. The older he got, the more he looked like his dad. Which I was sure was a good thing for all the female babies of the world. One day, there would be another Finlay man available.

Blaire came back inside, followed by Rush. His eyes went straight to Nate. “You want me, little man?” he said, grinning as if he didn’t already know the answer.

“Take the oatmeal with you, and see if you can get him to eat it while y’all do your male bonding,” Blaire said.

Rush unbuckled Nate, who was now clapping happily, and took the bowl Blaire was holding out for him. He bent down and kissed Blaire. I turned my head when I saw the tip of his tongue swipe her bottom lip.

“I got this guy. He’ll eat for me. You two talk. Grant and I will teach Nate about the world.”

Blaire laughed as she sat back down. “Oh, good Lord. That doesn’t sound good.”

Rush winked and sauntered back out of the house with the baby and a bowl of oatmeal in his arms. He didn’t look anything like a daddy, with his tattoo-covered arms, but he was a really good one. He was how I pictured Grant being.

“I’d ask you if you wanted some coffee, but that’s off-limits,” Blaire said, leaning back in her chair with a sigh. “How are things? Is Grant doing OK with everything?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer this. It had been two weeks since we had heard the heartbeat, and he was much better. He even called it a baby now. Before, he had acted as if it didn’t exist. The baby was real to him now. I had seen it in his eyes the moment it clicked for him. But he was still edgy. And he was determined to make sure I was well taken care of. “Hearing the heartbeat helped him. I think he gets it now, at least somewhat. He understands what I’m feeling, that there’s a life in there that we made, and I can’t just end it. I don’t think he would fight me if I decided to end the pregnancy tomorrow, but he does have some connection to the baby now. That’s a start.”

Blaire frowned. She wasn’t a frowner, so seeing her frown was strange. “He’s scared of losing you. I think right now, he’d sacrifice anyone other than you. He loves you.” Her face transformed from the frown to a smile. “And I am so happy he found you. I always knew Grant was so much more than the women he paraded in and out of his bedroom.”

I tried not to flinch.

Blaire squeezed her eyes tightly closed. “I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have said that. I just . . . I know what Rush’s past was like firsthand. I actually saw him ha**ng s*x with one of his many one-night stands before we were dating. And I saw him heavily making out with another one. And I saw another one leaving his room one morning. I guess I’m immune to Rush’s past. It was before me, and it doesn’t bother me. But you didn’t see all of that with Grant. I need to watch my tongue.”

I hadn’t known Blaire had seen Rush ha**ng s*x with another woman. Even if it was before her, that still seemed awful. But then, their relationship didn’t start out in a typical way. They were stepsiblings, and Blaire had been dumped into Rush’s lap by her dad without Rush’s consent.

“It’s fine. I know what Grant was like. I did hear him ha**ng s*x with Nan; I just can’t imagine seeing it.”

Blaire shuddered. “I don’t want the visual, either, so let’s change the subject. Are you going to find out the sex of the baby?”

We were. I wanted to know, just in case I didn’t get that chance to hold my baby. I wanted to know what I was having. I wanted to name it and talk to it. I also wanted to stop calling it an it. “Yes. We’re going to find out.”

Blaire smiled. “I loved knowing what Nate was before he arrived. I was able to daydream about him and talk to him, and of course, Rush decorated his room for him. Wait . . . where will you put the baby?”