“I can’t believe you’re making me do this. I don’t want to see him,” I complain, flopping down on the couch.

“Stop being a bitch to him for two seconds. Tyler is having a really bad day and he could really use some support.”

I bristle a little when she calls me out for being a bitch to Tyler. I mean, I know I can generally be a difficult person and I know that sometimes I’m not very nice to Tyler, but I don’t think I’m a bitch when it comes to him, am I? He gives as good as he gets, so it never feels like I’m truly being horrible to him. Now that I think about what’s going on his life, I actually feel bad for him.

Charlotte called me earlier and told me that Tyler showed up at her and Gavin’s house having a meltdown because he found out his dad wasn’t really his dad. I feel sorry for him, really I do. I just know that if I’m anywhere near him, I’m going to want to have sex with him. It’s like a sickness. I think I need a Tyler Twelve Step Program. Or shock therapy.

“Fine. What’s the plan? And where is he anyway?” I ask.

“He sort of jumped into the shower fully clothed. Gavin is getting him some dry clothes to put on. We don’t really have a plan other than getting him drunk to cheer him up. I wouldn’t normally suggest this, but maybe you could throw him a bone. Give him a little action. That would make him really happy,” Charlotte suggests.

“I’m sorry, but did I just enter the f**king Twilight Zone? You can’t stand Tyler! You’ve been telling me for months that I need to stay away from him,” I remind her.

“I know, I know. It’s just…I’ve never seen him like this. I feel awful for him. I know I told you I’d help you find a new guy, but maybe we should hold off on that for right now. Tyler really likes you and it might push him over the edge. I already called and cancelled your blind date for tonight.”

Great. Now that my sister is on Team Tyler, I’m never going to be able to quit him.

With a sigh, I get up from the couch and head into the kitchen. I start opening cupboards and pulling out bottles of liquor, lining them up on the counter. If we’re going to do this, we’re doing it right. Maybe if I get Tyler drunk enough, he’ll act like an idiot and I won’t be tempted to rip his clothes off.

“I don’t think I understand the game of this object. The game of this game. Fuck! I don’t think I should have any more vodka,” Charlotte slurs.

I’ve lost count of how many shots we’ve taken in the last hour. We decided to watch The Kardashians and take a drink every time one of them said ‘like’. Gavin is trying to get us to play a different game now.

I watch from my spot on the loveseat as Charlotte curls into Gavin’s side on the couch and he wraps his arm around her, pulling her close. Looking over at Tyler sitting on the floor in front of them with his chin resting on the coffee table, I wonder what it would be like to have the kind of relationship that Charlotte and Gavin have. They’re so in love it’s disgusting, but it’s also kind of nice. They always have someone to talk to and lean on. They have a best friend in each other and someone to come home to every day. Maybe I’ve been too hard on Tyler.

“I think we should play ‘Ava lets Tyler stick it in her ass’!” Tyler shouts excitedly.

Never mind.

“Exit only, moron,” I remind him.

“I let Gavin have anal. You should try it, Ava. It’s gooooooood,” Charlotte says with a laugh.

I can’t help but cringe. Seriously, there are just some things you should not know about your sister.

“See? Charlotte likes it. You should give it a try. Gavin, can we borrow your bedroom and a stick of butter?” Tyler asks, looking over his shoulder at Gavin.

“What the hell do you need butter for?” Gavin replies.

“Um, duh, for lube.”

Gavin reaches for the bottle of vodka on the coffee table and pours four shots. “Moving right along. Okay, here’s how this game works. Someone starts off by saying a phrase. It can be anything you want, no more than a couple of words. Everyone else has to scream that phrase as loud as they can without laughing. If you laugh, you take a shot.”

“This sounds too easy and like no one will be drinking the rest of the night,” I tell him.

“That’s what you think. I am the master of this game,” Tyler adds. “I’ll go first.”

The room is silent while he sits there thinking for a few minutes.

I’m about ready to complain that he’s taking too long and my buzz is wearing off when he suddenly says, “Dick nipples.”

We all stare down at him and then at each other, before we scream at the top of our lungs.

“DICK NIPPLES!”

Charlotte is the first to lose it, naturally. She starts laughing hysterically before she even gets to the word nipples.

“Down the hatch, baby!” Gavin tells her with a laugh, handing her a shot.

She tosses it back, half of it dribbling down her chin.

“Alright, since Charlotte lost, it’s her turn,” Tyler tells her, getting up from the floor and walking over to the loveseat. He sits down next to me, resting his arm on the back of the couch, his fingers brushing my shoulder.

It could be the vodka, but I suddenly feel really warm. I move as far away from him on the cushions as I can, but there’s not very far for me to go. Who the f**k made loveseats so small? I can’t really get up and move without letting him know he has some sort of effect on me.

Fuck you, hormones.

“ANGRY UTERUS!” Charlotte suddenly yells.

“Seriously, that’s what you’re going with?” I ask her. “And I don’t think you’re the one who is supposed to shout it.”

“ANGRY UTERUS, ANGRY UTERUS, ANGRY FUCKING UTERUS!” she screams, bouncing up and down on the couch excitedly.

Once again, we all look at each other before shouting it back. This time, Tyler is the one who loses.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I just keep picturing a uterus with tiny little fists of fury screaming at people in a chipmunk voice, ‘I’m a wee little uterus and I will f**k all of you up.’” Tyler says in a high-pitch voice before taking his shot.

I giggle and then clamp my hand over my mouth.

Jesus Christ, I don’t giggle. What the hell is wrong with me? Tyler isn’t funny. Tyler is annoying.

I feel the tips of his fingers graze my shoulder again and this time I shiver. Glancing over at him, I see him smirk and it takes everything in me not to reach over and smack him.

Fuck, why does he have to look so good? And smell good, too.

He’s taller than me when I wear heels, which immediately goes in the ‘plus’ column. He’s got blonde, surfer-boy hair that is long enough for me to grab onto, but not so long that he needs to put it in a ponytail. That’s a deal breaker for me. If you need to borrow one of my ponytail holders, you need to pack up your va**na and leave. He’s not big and beefy in the muscles department, but he’s definitely cut. I’ve run my hands over his six-pack plenty of times. If he shaved every day, he’d have a baby face, but with the stubble he’s always sporting, that face jumps right up into man territory. And good God, does that stubble feel good when it rubs up against my thighs…

“Alright, dude, it’s your turn,” Gavin tells Tyler, breaking me out of my fantasy.

I watch in horror as Charlotte moves her hand down to Gavin’s crotch.

“We should go have some sex,” she attempts to whisper in his ear.

I roll my eyes and take my shot.

“Hey, I didn’t even say my phrase yet,” Tyler complains as I slam my empty glass onto the coffee table and pour myself another.

Thankfully, the vodka starts to make my vision blur and I can easily ignore my sister as she continues to fondle Gavin through his jeans.

“Big dick titty fucker,” Tyler states.

Gavin and Charlotte immediately start laughing before we even have a chance to repeat Tyler’s choice phrase. They both do their shot and then Gavin stands up suddenly, pulling Charlotte with him.

“Alright, game’s over. My dick has somewhere it needs to be,” Gavin laughs.

Tyler and I stare after the two of them as they run from the room and down the hall, their bedroom door slamming closed behind them.

We sit here on the couch listening to laughter and moans coming from the bedroom, and after a few minutes, it starts to get really awkward. I do NOT need to listen to my sister having sex.

“So, what do you want to do?” Tyler asks.

Without thinking about what I’m doing, I push myself up, swing my leg over his thigh and straddle his lap, clutching onto handfuls of his hair.

“This is a one-time thing and I’m only doing this because I feel sorry about what happened to you today,” I tell him honestly.

His hands grab onto my ass and he pulls me down against him, lifting his h*ps at the same time so that I can feel how hard he is.

“I can live with that,” he replies.

Pulling his face closer, I crash my lips to his and pray to God that once my buzz wears off I’ll forget this ever happened.

Chapter 6 – Accidental Anal

“Oh, my God. You’re so wet and tight and-”

“Shut up. Stop talking,” Ava pants as I pound into her from behind.

It’s probably wrong that I’ve got her bent over the arm of the couch in my best friend’s living room, but I don’t give a fuck. If this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. I should still be freaking out about the bombshell my parents dropped on me this morning or the fact that Ava is only doing this because she pities me, but I don’t have time for that right now. I’ve been dreaming about being inside of her again and I’m determined not to think about anything else.

My pants are around my thighs and Ava’s skirt is bunched up around her waist. We didn’t bother taking our clothes off out of courtesy for Gavin and Charlotte. Sure, we’re defiling their couch right now, but at least we’re being considerate by not being na**d on their couch.

“You’re pu**y is like a warm Christmas cookie, fresh from the oven,” I mutter as I slam into her harder.

“Jesus Christ, STOP TALKING! Oh, my God, harder,” Ava demands.

I close my eyes and let my head fall back as I give her what she wants. God, she is such a bitch. I don’t know what it is about her, but I just can’t stay away from her. She hates me and I kind of can’t stand her, but holy f**k is the sex good with her.

I can feel my balls start to tighten and I know I’m going to come any second. I know I should slow down and savor what could be my last time with Ava, but I can’t. Her moans are getting louder and it just turns me on even more. She screams my name and smacks her hands down on the couch as she comes, which just throws me over the edge. Usually, she calls me ‘mother fucker’ or ‘dick face,’ so the sound of my name on her lips as she orgasms is enough to make me completely lose my shit. My h*ps are moving so fast against her ass that the couch starts sliding across the living room floor and, with one last thrust, I start coming. I’m completely oblivious to what I’m doing because it feels so f**king good.

That was my first mistake.

Wait for it.

“SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING BITCH!” Ava screams suddenly and I feel her entire body go rigid before she pulls away from me and scrambles over the arm of the couch.

I can tell by the sound of her voice that this is not a passion-filled ‘son of a mother f**king bitch, I’m coming again’ scream. It’s more of a ‘son of a f**king bitch, I’m going to kill you’ scream.

It takes me a second to realize what’s going on because I’m still in the process of coming, my h*ps moving all on their own, f**king nothing but air.

My eyes fly open and I find her huddled at the other end of the couch giving me a dirty look.

“What the hell?” I ask in confusion, pulling my pants up from around my thighs.

“What the hell? YOU PUT YOUR DICK IN MY ASS!” she screams.

I open the waist of my pants and glance down at my condom-covered dick in wonder, half expecting him to look up at me and wink for that sweet ninja move he pulled.

Holy shit, I just had anal!

I raise my eyebrows and smile.

Second mistake.

“This is NOT funny. Wipe that Goddamn smile off of your face RIGHT NOW! I was saving anal for my future husband!” she yells at me before reaching for one of the empty vodka bottles on the coffee table and chucking it at my head.

“JESUS CHRIST!” I yell, ducking down behind the arm of the couch just in time as the bottle goes sailing over me and thumps against the side of the island in the kitchen.

“It was a mistake, I swear.” I raise my hands above my head and wave them back and forth like a white flag of peace. “Either you have a really tight vagina, or a really loose as**ole because I didn’t even notice.”

Mistake número tres. In case you weren’t keeping track.

She screams like a banshee and I have just enough time to wrap my arms around my head before she dives over my end of the couch and starts smacking every inch of face she can reach.

“I’m sorry! Jesus, I’m sorry. Stop hitting me! It was an honest mistake!”

“HONEST MISTAKE?!” she screeches. “An honest mistake is speeding, spilling a glass of milk or calling someone by the wrong name. It is NOT sticking your dick in the wrong hole!” she argues, her fist connecting with my cheek.

In between grunts of pain, I manage to grab onto her wrists and stand up. Her hair is a mess around her face and her cheeks are red from exertion and even though I’m pretty sure I should excuse myself to get rid of the jizz-filled condom I’m still wearing, I can feel myself getting hard again.