—

IT’S A GOOD THING we’re still in the middle of the service. Pete’s so angry at Miles’s intervention, he can’t meet my eye as he comes and sits down. Theo sits meekly on Miles’s lap, occasionally sneaking glances at Pete over Miles’s shoulder. Then—proof that miracles do happen—he starts listening to what the vicar’s saying, or perhaps the singsong way she’s saying it captures his attention. And soon it’s time for the exciting bit, getting all the parents, godparents, and children to come and stand around the font and lighting a long white candle for each child. Theo’s eyes go very big when he’s given his candle to hold. Since candles are usually for blowing out—he’d been encouraged to blow out the ones on his birthday cake, after all, just a short while back—he takes a big breath and puffs out his cheeks, until the vicar stops him.

“Not yet. You have to wait until I’ve put water on you.”

“Wow!” Theo says, amazed, and everyone—not just the people around the front, but in the pews as well—laughs. Somehow he’s managed to charm them all. It’s only Pete, glowering beside me, who’s still furious.

Miles looks at Theo with fatherly pride, and I realize that of course I know exactly where Theo gets his charm from.

* * *

—

“I’M GOING TO HAVE to speak to Miles,” Pete says as soon as the service is over.

“Yes,” I agree. “You are. But, Pete…”

“What?”

I try to choose my words carefully. Pete’s a wonderful parent, but sometimes he can take it all a bit seriously. “I think it was a genuine misunderstanding. I don’t suppose Miles knows anything about the naughty step and timers and so on. I think he just wanted to help.”

“Well, it’s time he did understand.” Pete strides over to where Miles is chatting to Keith and Andy. I hear him say firmly, “Can I have a moment, Miles?” The two of them move off. Andy catches my eye and pulls a face, one of his parody-camp ones—Ooohh!—that are only half a parody.

Pete and Miles talk for about a minute. Miles is nodding. Then he claps Pete on the shoulder and puts out his hand, which Pete shakes.

“Everything all right?” I ask Pete when he comes back.

“Fine,” he says. He sounds almost surprised. “He completely took my point. Apologized and said it won’t happen again.”

I look over at Miles. The expression on his face—eager, friendly, alert—is familiar, somehow. Then I recall where I last saw it. It’s the same expression Theo had on his face on the naughty step, when he said sorry before it was time.

34

    PETE

“MR. RILEY, COULD I have a word?” It was Susy, the woman who ran the nursery, intercepting me as I collected Theo at lunchtime.

“Of course.” I followed her into her office. We both sat down, and I waited for her to say it was nothing to worry about.

She didn’t.

Instead she said, “I’m afraid we need to have a difficult conversation about Theo.”

“In what way, difficult?” I felt the hairs on the back of my neck go up, but I was careful not to let the tension show in my voice. “Is something wrong?”

“This morning he hit another child with a tumbler. On the head, quite hard I’m told. There was bleeding and we had to call the child’s mother to take him home.”

“Which child was it?”

“I don’t think that’s relevant. The point is, this was quite deliberate. The other child had a toy Theo wanted to play with. Theo had previously tried to grab it, but been told by the nursery assistant he’d have to wait his turn. She turned her back for a moment, then she heard a cry and found Theo hitting the other child.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. The fact is, he’s had a rather overstimulating weekend. He was baptized yesterday and all the attention got him quite excited.” I smiled. “I’m sure he’ll be calmer tomorrow.”

“Well, possibly.” Susy paused. “The boy’s mother has made an official complaint. And because there have been warnings before…”

“Hang on. What warnings?”

“We’ve talked about Theo’s behavior on more than one occasion, Mr. Riley.”

“Talked, yes. But those weren’t formal warnings.” I had a horrible feeling that I knew where this conversation was heading.

“There’s a pattern of behavior here that we don’t seem to be able to change. And the safety of all our learners has to be our number one priority.”

“He’s two, for Christ’s sake. Two-year-olds do this.”

“Please, moderate your language. Getting angry won’t help anyone.”

“I’m not getting angry. Or rather, my anger is justified and appropriate. And before you say that me getting angry might be why Theo is violent, I don’t ever lose my temper with him.” A thought occurred to me. “No doubt this other parent was angry that her child got hit. I bet you didn’t tell her it wouldn’t help anyone.”

Susy blinked. “In the circumstances, we’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that Theo needs more structured support than we can offer him at Acol Road.”

“You’re expelling him. He’s two, and you’re expelling him?”

“We think it would be in Theo’s best interests—”

“I’ll speak to the other parent. We could put in some supervised playdates, get the two of them to make friends—”

“I did suggest something along those lines. Mrs. Tigman didn’t think that would be an effective solution.”

“Hang on. So it was Zack Tigman? The little boy who cries all the time? You don’t think maybe there are bigger issues going on there than whether Theo can share toys?”

“Zack has taken a while to settle at nursery,” Susy allowed. “Which is why it’s even more important that he doesn’t get beaten up while he’s here.”

“Beaten up?” I scoffed. “We’re talking about one two-year-old whacking another with a cup. And why was a tumbler full of liquid at hand in the first place, without proper supervision? That’s a health and safety violation for a start.”

“We don’t have the resources to make hitting impossible,” Susy said patiently. “And yes, it is normal two-year-old behavior—to a certain extent. But if the child doesn’t grow out of it, we simply have no choice but to withdraw the offer of a place.” She stood up. “I’m sorry things haven’t worked out here for Theo. But I really think that, in the long run, this is the best thing for all concerned. We’ll refund your fees for the whole of this week.”

35

Case no. 12675/PU78B65, Exhibit 19A, texts between Peter Riley and Madelyn Wilson.

Bloody nursery have expelled Theo for hitting Zack Tigman!!!

WHAT!!!!

Plus given me pompous lecture re him needing “more structured support.” TOSSERS.

OMG. What are we going to do?

God knows. I’ll do some research.

Want to talk it through? I can step out.

Better not. Still don’t trust myself not to rant, and Theo’s here. Haven’t told him yet he won’t be going in tmrw…ARRGH. He loves it there. Let’s talk later XX

Case no. 12675/PU78B65, Exhibit 19B, retrieved from DadStuff.net.

CHILDMINDING A TWO-YEAR-OLD—WHAT DO THE OPTIONS COST?

Homedad85—Level 5 poster. Member since 2018.

My DS has just been excluded from nursery for hitting another child. I’m bloody angry actually as I don’t think they’ve handled it at all well. But at the end of the day, it’s their decision.

My question is, what now? Money’s pretty tight so we need to look at the cheapest option. Au pair? Nanny share? Childminder? He probably does need a bit more supervision than some other kids his age.

Graham775

In your shoes I would speak to your local nanny/childcare agencies to discuss what you need, and how much you could expect it to cost in your area.

Onefineday

“We need to look at the cheapest option.”

This is a child you’re talking about, not flat-pack furniture.

ManUman151

“This is a child you’re talking about, not flat-pack furniture.”

OP is simply asking for some indicative figures to help him reach a decision, Onefineday. :rolleyes: Zombieparent Wasn’t there a thread recently about au pairs and how legally they can’t be given responsibility for under-fives?

Onefineday

Au pairs are NOT qualified childminders. They are young foreigners who get free board and lodging in return for LIGHT domestic duties and OCCASIONAL babysitting.

If your local nursery was run by a group of Romanian teenagers without qualifications or background checks, no first-aid training, no insurance, no experience, no inspection report, and very limited English, would you send your child there?

Tanktop

We pay our nanny ￡14 ph in southwest London, if that helps. She’s self-employed so that includes tax, NI, etc.

Onefineday

“She’s self-employed so that includes tax, NI, etc.”

Nannies can’t be self-employed. She’s lying to you—probably because she doesn’t have the right paperwork.

Lewishamdad

Registered childminder = ￡7 ph

Nursery = ￡8.50 ph