Everything was fucked to hell. And there was nothing I could do. I’d never felt so out of control.

“Hang in there, Asher,” he said. “I’m going to do everything I can.”

Deputy Spangler came in to escort me back to my cell. Gave me a sympathetic look. He’d been a senior when I was a freshman, and I’d been at his wedding last year.

One night, and everything was different.

He led me to the cell block. I was the only one back here. The first night, they’d been holding another guy, but he was gone now. I went in and Deputy Spangler shut the bars behind me.

“She tried to come see you, by the way,” he said. “Grace did. We wanted to let her, but we couldn’t. It’s policy. But now that the arraignment’s over, I think we’ll be able to allow a visitor.”

“Thanks.” I sank down onto the edge of the narrow bed.

“Your brothers came down here too.”

“Oh shit, what’d they do?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. Just asked to see you.”

I let out a relieved breath. The last thing we needed was my brothers doing something stupid.

“What about the Havens?” I asked. “They must be all over this.”

“Not really. Far as I know, they’ve been quiet about it.”

That was good. If any of them tried to use this as an excuse to fuck with my family—

What would I do? Nothing. I was locked in a cage. The world could be burning down, and there’d be nothing I could do about it.

“We’ve been getting a ton of phone calls, though. Whole town’s in an uproar.”

I could only imagine. No doubt my great aunt Tillie had already called the mayor—she loved to remind people she’d given him piano lessons—and my cousin Chuck, Tilikum’s resident conspiracy theorist, was probably busy creating a Free Asher campaign.

Not that it would do any good. Hell, my entire family could camp out around the courthouse and it wouldn’t make a difference. It wasn’t like they could change the justice system.

And they couldn’t change what I’d done.

Neither could I. I couldn’t go back in time. Couldn’t take it back.

And the really fucked-up thing? I didn’t know if I would.

15

Grace

I’d never been so exhausted in my entire life. It was only mid-afternoon, but I lay on Gram’s couch, feeling like a wrung-out washrag—dingy and tattered. I hadn’t slept much since Asher’s arrest, and none of it in my own bed. I’d been staying here since Saturday night.

My mom had brought me clean clothes before the arraignment this morning. She seemed to understand without me explaining that I had to be here, with his family. She hadn’t told Elijah yet, but he knew something was wrong.

Except it wasn’t just something. Everything was wrong.

The words ran through my mind over and over. Murder in the second degree.

Gavin sat on the floor near my feet with his back against the couch. His face was buried in his hoodie while he played a game on his phone. It was like the boys were taking shifts; at least one of them was always with me. Levi had started it, sleeping on the floor next to me the first night. Logan had taken over Sunday morning, lingering nearby—talking if I wanted to, remaining silent if I didn’t. They hadn’t left me alone since.

I was so grateful.

Shifting on the couch, I tried to get comfortable. My back was bruised from the assault, making me wince every time I turned over. Still, I’d been lucky. It could have been so much worse. A part of me knew that at some point, I’d have to deal with what had happened to me. But right now, I didn’t care about any of that.

All I cared about was Asher.

Gavin leaned his head back on the couch cushion and turned his face toward me. “Need anything?”

“Not right now. But thanks.”

He nodded and went back to his phone.

Knowing how grateful I felt to not be alone made me hurt for Asher even more. Because he wasn’t just alone, he was in jail. The stupid judge had denied bail. Everyone had seemed surprised by that, and I still didn’t understand why. Because he’d gotten in a fight in high school? Someone had mentioned the concern that Asher would try to retaliate against the guy’s friends. The ones who’d been involved were facing charges, but they’d all been released from jail for the time being.

Could the judge really think Asher was the kind of man who’d hurt someone—or worse—in cold blood? God, I hoped not. If he did, we didn’t have much hope he’d be lenient.

Evan came downstairs and settled into an armchair next to the couch. His beard was getting thick. He’d come home Sunday, dropping everything on a moment’s notice to be here for his family.

Of course he had. He was a Bailey. That was what they did.

The fridge and freezer were stuffed with food, dropped off by a steady stream of family members and neighbors. They were rallying around Asher’s family, offering what support they could. We’d had offers to picket the sheriff’s office or the courthouse, promises to organize a letter-writing campaign, and heartfelt assurances of calling in favors to make sure Asher went free.

I appreciated the gestures, but I knew ultimately none of it would help.

Levi and Logan wandered into the living room. Trying not to wince, I sat up to make room. Logan wedged himself between me and the couch’s arm, even though there wasn’t really enough space. I gratefully leaned against him. Levi was more subtle in his support, sitting in the other corner but giving my foot a gentle squeeze.

“Is Gram still out?” Levi asked.

Gram had declared that she was going to the store because she needed to do something normal. Then she’d dared her grandsons to stop her. They’d wisely let her go.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Look, I know none of us want to talk about this, but we need to,” Logan said. “Is he going to go to prison?”

My stomach went queasy at the mention of prison.

We all looked at each other, full of fear and worry. Because we didn’t know what was going to happen. We’d all been at the arraignment. We’d heard the charges.

It felt like we were on a runaway train with no brakes. Out of control, hurtling toward the end of the line where the tracks were unfinished. To a chasm with no bridge.

“How could they charge him with murder?” Gavin asked.

“Right? That piece of shit was going to…” Logan trailed off, like he didn’t want to finish the sentence in front of me. “Any man would have done what Asher did. He was saving Grace, not trying to kill anyone.”

“It doesn’t help that he knows how,” Evan said quietly.

“Knows how to what?” Logan asked.

“Kill someone.”

“Fuck that. So he took jiujitsu. Why the hell does that matter?”

“He’s right,” Levi said. “In court it matters. So does his assault charge.”

I tucked my hair behind my ear. “The lawyer said the state will probably accept a plea bargain with reduced charges. That means he won’t go to trial for murder.”

The lawyer had seemed confident when he’d met with us briefly after the arraignment. He’d assured us today’s court appearance was just one step in the process. Told us not to panic.