Some of the tension in my chest eases a little at his agreement.

I’m going to find my brother, kill him, and make the world a little safer for my girls, but first, I have to find him.

16

Sasha

“Just try to eat something, baby,” I try to cajole my daughter with a bowl of porridge, but she shakes her head stubbornly and then sobs, her little fists rubbing at her eyes in a way that pierces my heart. I hate seeing her like this, suffering so much she can’t even eat without feeling sick or in pain.

Placing the bowl on the bedside cabinet, I run a hand over her head before pressing my lips to her hair. She’s tearing me apart and I don’t know how to make things better for her.

“Maybe try again later,” Jessa, the nurse standing at the side of the bed, says as she adds more painkillers to her drip, sympathy playing across her face.

I give her a small smile that I don’t feel. I don’t need her sympathy. Lil is my daughter. I should be able to give her what she needs and the helplessness that washes through me that I can’t shreds what is left of my strength.

I wait until Jessa leaves the room, then I break down. I move to the window, giving Lily my back so she can’t see my tears, my arms wrapping around my middle. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with my daughter being sick and my secret being out. It’s all too much. I’m too exposed, everything feels too raw.

Swiping angrily at my wet face, I turn back to the bed and peer at the little girl who needs me to be strong, and that gives me the strength to shut my emotions down. I have to do this for her.

The test will be back tomorrow and then we’ll know if she has a chance. I’m holding out hope Rav will be a match. Getting Sin tested is not an option now, not that I think he’d be selfless enough to do it anyway, but Rav will kill him the moment he sets eyes on him.

Pain slices through my chest as I try not to think about the possibility that Rav’s test might not come back positive. If it doesn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. It isn’t the end of the line for Lily-May, but it’s pretty close to it.

There’s a knock on the door and I quickly wipe my tears away before saying come in.

Zack steps into the room holding a couple of packages.

“This just came for you.”

My brow draws together as confusion settles over me. “For me?”

“Yeah. From Rav.”

My eyes dart to his face before coming to the bags he’s holding. He places them on the table and gives me a smile. “If you need anything…”

His words disperse some of the pain in my chest.

“I’ll let you know.”

I wait until he’s gone to open the first bag. Inside, I find two tubs of what looks like Chinese food. I tug off the lid and realise it’s my favourite dish. Three years later and he still remembers. My heart gallops in my chest as I stare down at the vegetable Chow Mein, the delicious scents wafting up and making my mouth water. I can’t believe he did this for me.

I put the lid back on and open the second bag. I pull out a pair of pyjamas identical to the pair I bought Lily-May myself. These are in pale green rather than white and have little motorcycles on them. I can tell by looking they’re going to be too big, but seeing this makes my eyes fill with tears again. I dip back into the bag and pull out another garment. This one is a white tee with the club’s insignia—a crowned skull with wings—on it and the words ‘biker in training’ on the back. My hand flies to my mouth as I try to calm the ache in my chest. It’s an acceptance of me, of Lily-May. Rav’s never been good with words, but these things say more than his words ever could. He’s trying to take care of us. I can’t help the smile that graces my lips as I fold the clothes and place them in the locker at the side of the bed, then open the vegetable Chow Mein again. It’s still warm and I’m starving. I can’t remember the last time I ate something that didn’t come out of a vending machine or the hospital canteen.

The first mouthful has me moaning as the spices and sweetness explode over my tongue. It’s been too long since I last had this and it tastes as good as I remember. It’s also been too long since I last ate properly.

“Mummy. Food for me.”

I look up to see Lily-May’s wide eyes staring at my food.

I hand her a piece of carrot and instead of her nose scrunching up, she nibbles on it.

When she’s finished with the carrot, I give her another piece, and she takes it, sucking it between her lips, a smile dancing on her face.

She holds out a sticky hand.

“More.”

I can’t help but laugh. Relief that she’s finally eating makes me a little giddy.

“You like that, huh?”

She nods and I swear in that moment I’ll get this dish for her every day, so long as she’s eating.

We demolish the food, barely coming up for air between bites. Then I clean her hands and change her into the PJ’s Rav sent for her. They’re a little baggy, as I expected, but she still looks adorable.

Lily-May settles down, dozing in and out, her full belly making her sleepy.

I sit back in the chair at the side of the bed, a small smile gracing my lips.

I never thought I’d see a glimpse of the old Rav—the old Tyler—but his actions tell me he wants to make amends, and I want to let him. I’ve missed him in my life. I loved him. I still do. That’s never changed. Being without him was a torture I struggled to endure. Without Lily-May to focus on I’m not sure I would have survived.

I don’t know how we go back to who we were, though. Things have transformed so much. Neither of us are the same people anymore. We’re both changed by what’s happened.

I sit with Lily-May for an hour or two as she sleeps, my thoughts on what Rav did for us. The tee might seem like just a tee to an outsider, but I see it for what it is. It’s Rav claiming Lily-May in the eyes of the club. Knowing she’ll have his protection settles me, makes the demons subside a little and lets me breathe easier for the first time in years.

I hear a ruckus outside the room and my feet move before I consider my own safety. I tug it open and see the corridor is filled with bikers, the Untamed Sons’ insignia of wings behind a crowned skull staring back at me. My stomach flips and fear shrouds me. What the fuck is happening?

Nox spots me and pushes through the group to come to me.

“What’s going on?” I demand, my eyes sliding past him. It looks like the entire club emptied out, old ladies, including the club bunnies, and Titch’s ex-wife, Rachel. I’m surprised she came. They had two boys right out of high school and got married as soon as they turned eighteen. The marriage didn’t last long, though.

“We’re trying to get the bitch on the desk to let us take the test.”

“The test?” I hold my breath as I wait for his answer.

“The one your kid needs.”

Tears prick my eyes and I force them not to fall. I won’t break down in front of Nox again, even though I want to.

“Nox…”

“It was Rav’s idea,” he says.

I peer around the group and see familiar faces from another lifetime ago. Daimon, Fury, Titch, Whizz. The rest I don’t recognise. They must have patched in after I left.