I wanted desperately to see that kid in the eyes of the monster kneeling at my feet, but he was long gone, until the very end, when he whispered my name.

Fuck.

Sin was a new kind of animal, one who saw nothing wrong with taking what he shouldn’t. He had his own demons, ones that could never be exorcised. There was no coming back from what he did. There was no amount of talking it out that would fix it, no amount of forgiveness that could put it right. What he did was unforgivable. He ruined Sasha’s life. Mine too. He took my daughter from me, he made Sasha feel she had to raise that kid alone. If it wasn’t for her getting sick I might never have known my child. That gores me. I want to be a good dad. Better than mine ever was, but I have so much dark in me I’m not sure that’s possible. They’d probably be better off without me in their lives, but I’m a selfish bastard. I can’t give them up.

He also took the woman I love from me. No one ever understood me or loved me the way Sasha did. Losing that nearly destroyed me. Sin watched me suffer through that loss, commiserated with me, told me to get over the bitch. All the while he knew he was the reason she was gone.

The lies, the betrayal is what guts me the most. I didn’t deserve that from him. I sacrificed so much for Sin over the years. I gave up pieces of myself to keep him safe. How could he grow to hate me so much?

Memories of his last moments flash through my mind, the blood, his pleading. I take another drink, trying to block it out, but no amount of booze is going to fix this.

I killed my brother.

And there’s no coming back from that.

32

Sasha

I wait for Tyler to come back to the room, but after a few hours, it’s obvious he’s not going to. I’ve chewed my nails down to the beds, my stomach churning as I stare at the door, willing it to open, willing him to step through it. He doesn’t.

I can’t stand it any longer. I push to my feet, tugging up my borrowed joggers. I’m not going to let him push me away. I refuse to let him destroy what we’ve been building together since I came back. I love him, and he needs me, but he’s hurting, which is why he’s being this way. Ty might act tough, but he’s not completely unfeeling. He saved me, and now it’s time to do the same for him. Now it’s time for me to be the one who bears the weight of his demons.

Barefooted, I wander down the corridors and make my way towards the executive officers’ offices. I expect to find Ty holed up down here, but when I knock on the door, I get no response. I wait half a second before I push the handle down and peer around the frame.

Empty.

He’s not here.

Anxiety pierces me. Would he have taken off? Where the fuck would he have gone?

I head for the common room and as soon as I push inside, I see red. Ty is here, sitting at the bar, a half-empty bottle of Scotch in front of him and some skanky redhead has her mucky paws all over him. He’s not paying her any attention, his eyes unfocused across the room, staring into space, but he’s also not pushing her away, which pisses me the hell off. He’s mine, and I’ll fight any bitch who tries to claim otherwise.

I barely notice the other brothers sitting around the room. My attention is locked on my man.

I start towards him, but a hand is suddenly wrapped around my bicep like a vice. I flinch instinctively, old habits hard to break, until I realise the hand belongs to Nox. He doesn’t let me go, but he does loosen his hold slightly.

“Go back upstairs, Sash.”

If he thinks he can tell me what to do, he’s crazy.

“He’s mine,” I hiss.

His expression hardens at my words.

“Rav’s in a bad way.”

I won’t be taken for a ride. He wants loyalty from me? Well, I expect that shit in return.

I roll to my toes and get in his face, my anger flaring. “He needs me, not some fucking club bitch. I can take anything he throws at me.”

I shrug him off and he lets me go. I’m practically spitting fire by the time I reach the bar.

“Take your hands off him,” I snarl at her.

She arches a delicate brow at me, but doesn’t remove her touch.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Red growls at me, her hand moving up to Ty’s shoulder.

I don’t think. I snatch her hand and bend it up her back until she’s dancing on her toes to try to alleviate the pressure.

“Get it into your head. That man there is mine. You don’t touch him, you don’t fuck him, you don’t try to get your dirty claws into him. You do and we’re going to have a problem.”

I let her go with a shove and she stumbles on her high heels. “Rav, are you going to let this bitch talk to me like this?” she demands in a whiny voice that grates on my nerves.

I fold my arms over my chest and peer down at my man.

“She’s my fucking old lady,” Tyler snaps out, although his words are slurred together. “I would listen to her if I were you.”

“Rav!” the redhead complains.

“Leave me the fuck alone, Melody,” he mutters.

I watch as the bunny sashays off with a huff, trying to sink her teeth into a new victim—Levi—but he brushes her off too, too focused on what’s happening with his president.

I turn my attention back to Tyler. He takes a long swig of his drink. “Go away, Sash.”

His words flay me. Agony lances through my chest, knowing everyone is watching us, but I can’t show weakness now. I need to be the woman they all remember—Priest’s daughter. She’s not the kind of woman who will beg.

My heart breaks as I grind out, “You don’t want me? Fine. I’m gone. I’m not going to beg for scraps.”

As I start to turn, he grabs my arm, stopping me. “You ain’t leaving.”

“Fuck that, Ty. I’m not some club bunny you can blow off when you get bored of me.”

His glassy gaze moves towards me and I see pain reflected in his eyes. My anger simmers down and I swallow past the lump in my throat.

“I’m yours. Come back to the room. Let me help you.”

“You can’t. You can’t undo what I’ve done.” His throat works as he says it and my heart breaks for him.

“No, I can’t, but I’ll take that anger, anything you throw at me. I can handle it.” He doesn’t reply, so I add, “Come to bed, please.”

He shakes his head. “Can’t.”

I let out a breath and use the only other weapon in my arsenal. “I’m going to the hospital to see our daughter.”

He flinches at my words and I see a little of the ice start to crack.

“A brother will take you. You don’t go alone.”

The argument sits on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it back. He’s not thinking straight and I get that, but as with Sin, I know my words can be weapons.

“I love you,” I tell him, my words wobbling. “Don’t let him destroy us. Don’t give him that power.”

He raises his head and his eyes bore into mine, as if seeing me for the first time. He’s not drunk, but he has checked out. I don’t know how to reach him.

“I killed James.” It’s weird to hear him call Sin by his real name and it makes it more real.