“Fuck¸” he whispered as his right hand left my hip and rested tenderly against my cheek, but he pressed harder against me, and I could feel every inch of what I was doing to him. My cl*t throbbed at the contact. “Look at me.”

My hands slid farther up, circling behind his neck and into his hair, my nails scratching a path into his skin. He growled against my lips. I reluctantly met his gaze, hating the intimacy of it. At such a vulnerable moment, I felt like all of my secrets were being exposed.

Both his hands were under my thighs, and he lifted me from my feet, my back hitting the wall again and his length torturing me as he pressed against my center. I wrapped my legs around his body, holding him close as he slid against me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

He was rough and careless like the man I’d met in the shadows of that alley, the one with mercy in his eyes but murder in his intent.

His muscles flexed and stretched. An image of his hands when they were brutalizing my attacker flashed through my mind as his lips left mine, sucking and biting the sensitive flesh below my ear. He was raw and aggressive. I could hear myself panting, my eyes closed as I pushed back against him, desperate for release, but not wanting to rush this moment. He wanted this as badly as I did, but he was taking his time.

His tongue ran from the base of my neck to my earlobe. His breathing was as ragged as mine, as ragged as it had been when he had helped me.

“You are nothing like I’d imagined,” he growled in my ear. His h*ps rolled forward, causing a whimper to escape my lips.

“You imagined f**king me?” My voice was low and raw with passion. He gripped on to me tightly and carried me to the bed, my legs still wrapped around him. We tumbled down together, his body causing the air to expel from my lungs, but I was breathless long before we collided.

“It’s all I’ve done since the moment I met you.”

There was an urgency now, a need growing deep inside me, spreading like warm whiskey through my veins. I was intoxicated by his touch. Fingers slid under my white cotton panties as he gripped them tightly and tugged. My own hands ran over his back, relishing in every twist and pull of his muscles as he moved against me. Those same muscles he had used to defend me just hours before were now desperate to conquer me. The same animalistic current running through them now ran through me.

My panties gave way to his force, ripping free. The scrap of fabric now lay loosely over me, dampened and torn. My own hands traveled lower, running along the waist of his shorts. The silky fabric did little to contain him. He pushed the torn remnants of my underwear to the side, moaning as his fingers slid over my smooth, damp flesh.

“You’re wet for me.” His mouth moved lower, kissing the center of my chest before running his tongue over my nipple and pulling it into his mouth. My back arched toward him, fingers in his hair as he bit down on the milky-colored flesh of my breast. I gasped, and just as quickly he released his teeth and ran his tongue over the fresh pink crescent mark. His eyes met mine, challenging me. I didn’t fight against him. The control was his to have as long as he didn’t stop.

His fingertips ran lightly over the small, thin scars that marred my lower belly and thighs. “Who hurt you?”

“Who hurt you?” I asked as his gaze lingered on me for a few seconds. He pressed his lips gently against one of the marks.

“That’s a long list.” Pressing open-mouthed kisses on my tingling skin, he made his way lower. I raised my hips, desperate for him to settle between my thighs. I felt his lips curve into a smile as he grabbed my h*ps tightly and pulled them back against the mattress.

“You’re so mean,” I panted as I struggled against his hold.

“You have no idea.” He dipped lower, his teeth grazing my inner thigh before he bit again, this time a little harder. I whimpered, struggling to raise my h*ps again, but he held me firmly in place as he kissed the mark he had left behind. His unshaved cheek brushed against my mound, sending a shiver through my body.

“God.” I turned my head to the side, my eyes closed tightly.

“Ella.” His voice was rough and low like when he sang, and I could have melted into a puddle from that alone. I looked down at him, and his blue eyes searched my face before he slowly lowered his mouth to me. His eyes never left mine as he pressed his tongue against my slit and slowly dragged it upward and over my clit. The stubble of his jaw against my bare flesh was overwhelming.

“You taste so f**king good.”

His hand left my hip, and he spread me open with his fingers. His mouth was back against me, forcefully. He growled as he devoured me with his mouth, and the vibrations nearly caused me to come undone. My hands were back in his hair, my back arched as I moved against his tongue. Suddenly he entered me with his fingers, groaning as he slid them rhythmically inside me.

“You’re f**king tight, Ella.” He shook his head before pressing his tongue against me again. I relaxed a little, my body moving against him on its own accord.

“I want you to watch me do this to you.” As our eyes met, his tongue ran painfully slow over my clit, and I whimpered. My eyes fell closed again, wanting to be lost in the moment. “You can’t beg me to f**k you and then pretend to be shy.”

I pushed up on my elbows, embarrassed. “I didn’t beg you.”

He grinned mischievously as he crawled up my body, forcing me back against the mattress. “Maybe I should make you. I’d love to see you on your knees.” He pulled down the front of his basketball shorts, gripping himself in his palm. “I don’t think you knew what you were asking for.” His length was impressive, and I didn’t know if I’d even be able to take all of him in my mouth, if that’s what he wanted. He hovered over me, on his elbow as he pressed his c**k against my clit. “Imagine how good it is going to feel when I slide inside you.” He lowered his weight fractionally as he pressed harder against me, his stomach muscles tight and offering me an incredible view between us.

Self-Control

Chapter 14—Rellik

Self-Control: The ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires, or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations

I wanted to f**k her so badly, but I was enjoying this too much. It wasn’t often a women challenged me, and I loved pushing her past her comfort zone.

I could understand her apprehension to look me in the eye. I couldn’t even tell you what most of the girls I had slept with looked like, but Ella’s emerald gaze was like a f**king dagger in my heart, and I liked the hurt. I wanted to feel it because at least with the pain, I knew I was alive, knew I was still able to feel something.

I slid the head of my c**k lower and positioned myself against her entrance. “I can’t promise I won’t hurt you.” I felt her thigh muscles tighten against me slightly, and I knew that as badly as I wanted to ravage her, I would need to keep some semblance of control over myself. She wasn’t like the groupies, and her slight frame would not help our situation.

I rocked against her slowly as I lowered my body against hers. My head slipped inside her. “You have to relax.” I lowered my mouth to hers, growing even harder as she tasted her own juices on my tongue. I pressed forward, desperate to come, but her body tensed, and I knew it was too much. “Relax, Ella. Relax.”

“I’m trying. It’s not like I do this all the time.”

“That makes two of us.” She laughed, and I raised myself up to look at her face.

“I’m f**king serious,” I said.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better. It’s none of my business.”

I pulled completely out of her, wincing as I did so, my dick still hard as rock. I pulled my shorts over me, the silky fabric against my head enough to make me cringe. Climbing off her, I sat on the edge of the bed.

“Ella, I do a lot of things I shouldn’t, but when I have my c**k inside you, I’m not going to lie just to get f**ked.” I was trying to bite back my anger. Her words wouldn’t have even affected me had she been someone else, but the truth was, I rarely had actual sex with any of the groupies, and I sure as f**k didn’t waste my time going down on them.

“I’m sorry.” She grabbed the blanket and pulled it over herself as she sat up behind me.

I rested my elbows on my knees as I ran my hand over my hair, wishing my c**k would take a backseat to my actual feelings. “Don’t be. We shouldn’t have been doing this. You’d be sorry tomorrow had I not stopped.” I pushed from the bed and began pacing the floor. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she crawled farther toward the headboard and lay on her back, the cover down to her waist.

“I guess I’ll just have to take care of myself.”

I shook my head in disbelief as she slid her hand under the cover, her lips parting slightly as she kept her eyes locked on mine.

“Are you trying to f**king kill me?” I asked, my hand sliding in my shorts as I gripped myself tightly. Her ni**les pebbled, and she slid her free hand over one of her br**sts, squeezing it as her back arched.

“You are so sexy,” I whispered as I began to stroke myself, my thumb sliding over my head, still wet from her juices. My words gave her confidence, and the cover slipped a little lower, still hiding her pu**y from my view.

“Come back to bed,” she whimpered as her hand moved faster. I began to stroke at her pace but didn’t move closer.

“I’d f**king hurt you, Ella. I can’t control myself right now.”

She groaned, and it took all my self-control not to hold her down and slam myself inside her. “I’d let you.”

“Fuck.” I slid my hand down over my balls as they drew closer to my body, desperate for release. I pushed my shorts lower so she could see what she was doing to me. I wasn’t shy by any means. “I want to see how you’re touching yourself while thinking of me.”

Kicking the cover lower, I watched as her fingertips pressed against her clit, her back arching with every rub. I pushed my shorts to the floor and walked to the end of the bed. She began to pull her legs together, and I grabbed her ankle, shaking my head as I began to stroke faster.

“I want to watch you come.”

“Please,” she whimpered.

“What do you need, sweetheart?”

“Please come back to bed and f**k me.”

“If you’re going to beg.” I couldn’t help the little dig as I climbed between her legs, pausing to run my tongue over her wet fingers as they slid over herself before I settled over her. My dick pressed against her hand as my mouth found hers, kissing her hard.

Damp fingers wrapped around the head of my cock, guiding me lower as I pressed against her entrance. I rocked my h*ps slowly, but our kiss was anything but cautious, and it was a struggle to keep myself under control.

Nails dug into the flesh of my back as she pulled me against her, and I entered her, painfully slow.

She whimpered against my lips but didn’t loosen her hold on me. I slid my fingers into her hair, unable to breath. I was killing myself, but I couldn’t stop. It was a slow-motion car crash that I had no way of surviving. I would take her down with me, and she would willingly go. Something broken inside of both of us fit together, the jagged pieces piercing into the armor we wore against the world.

“Are you okay?” Whispering into her hair, I slowed my movements slightly.

“I’m not going to break.”

“Am I hurting you?”

“It’s a good hurt.”

She was a flame, I was gasoline, and together we burned—an inferno so hot, it would consume us both.

Our bodies moved together, demanding and greedy, as we both struggled to fill some void inside of us. This line should have never been crossed, but over the hours it had become blurred, past and present infused as one. Her breathing grew ragged as my fingers tightened in her hair. The faint sound of counting whispered in my ear. I stopped, pulling back to look at her.

“Why are you counting?” I rubbed the pad of my thumb over her eyebrow, and her expression relaxed.

“I didn’t realize I was. It’s just something I do sometimes when I’m…” Her eyes searched as if she were looking for the answer written on the wall.

“Scared?”

“Overwhelmed.” She swallowed hard, and I nodded fractionally, understanding exactly where she was coming from. Our bodies began to move again, slower as the gravity of the situation seemed to literally hold us down. I didn’t know what it was she had been through, but I could tell it rivaled my own experiences.

Her legs wrapped around my waist, allowing me to go deeper. Her lips were against my ear as her breathing hitched, her body tightening around me. I kept pace as she began to whimper in my ear, her body shaking as she came completely undone, and I followed.

Chaotic

Chapter 15—Ella

Chaotic: In a state of complete confusion and disorder

I lay beside Rellik, wide-awake, my mind unable to shut down after such a chaotic day. I rolled to my side, away from him, and my eyes landed on the black duffel bag on top of the corner desk.

I held my breath as I listened to his slow and steady breathing. My curiosity getting the best of me, I slowly sat up and pressed a foot to the floor. I froze, waiting for any movement from his side, but he was out cold. I placed my other foot on the floor and slowly stood, my eyes dancing over the bag. I wanted to read more of his lyrics, to see what made him the way he was.

Grabbing the zipper, I slowly began to pull it open, but the sound was deafening in the quiet space, and Rellik stirred, rolling away from me. I sighed, closing my eyes and whispering a silent prayer before slowly closing it back up. I ran my hand through my knotted hair before laughing and making my way into the bathroom. I turned on the light, momentarily blinded by the fluorescents. When I was able to focus on the mirror, I cringed at just how horrible I looked. I combed my fingers through my hair, desperate to make myself look a little less of a mess. As I took a step back to examine myself, I stepped on something and nearly lost my balance.