There was no question in his mind that he loved and absolutely adored this woman, but he knew that he was a f**kup when it came to relationships and he couldn't stomach the idea that she would be yet another woman that he'd hurt. He knew ending this after the day and night they spent was risky, but it was still the preferable choice to setting her up for an even bigger disappointment.

He wanted to try for her, but he was scared shitless. What if he f**ked up and she never spoke to him again? Worse, what if they went for the long term and he f**ked up only to have her draw away from him. He would never survive losing her. It didn't matter that having her in his arms would put him out of his misery, he just couldn't risk having her leave him.

Joe groaned as she buried her face in her pillow. "I have to get up in a few hours."

"Get some sleep," he said, pressing a kiss to the back of her head.

"Only if you manage to keep that damn thing leashed," she said and he didn't need to ask what she was talking about.

Even though he'd just made love to her for the.........Well, he wasn't sure how many times they'd made love. All he knew was that his body wanted more even though the damn thing should have fallen off by now. As discretely as he could he pulled his h*ps back, wincing when the damn thing just had to go and caress Joe's backside as he moved away.

Joe let out a long suffering sigh before turning in his arms and hooking her leg over his hip. "Fine. You may have your dirty little way with me," she said, sounding put out.

"You're very generous," he said, gripping her hip as he slid home.

She nodded solemnly as she arched her back to take him deeper. "Very generous."

Chapter 22

"I'll see you Sunday night, Joe. We'll talk then," Eric said as she did her best to hide her stunned reaction to the news he'd laid at her feet only moments before.

He wasn't coming with her. For the first time since she could remember, she was doing something completely on her own and he wasn't bugging the hell out of her to tag along. It actually made her a little nervous, not to do something on her own, she was fine with that, but that he didn't insist on coming with her.

Just to test the waters she mentioned that the hotel and school were on a large lake known for its insanely large bass and trout. He didn't even bat an eye as he wished her a safe drive. At first she thought he was dying. Eric never passed up an opportunity to fish, never. Then she realized that he was giving her space so that they could both think over a few things. Of course him explaining that probably saved him from being bitch slapped for pissing her off.

"I think we both need time to figure out what we want and where we should go from here," he explained as he took a step back, already putting distance between them, she noted. "A few days and nights apart will do us both some good."

She didn't need to ask to know that he hoped she would change her mind on this. He didn't want to go forward with this, but he was giving her a chance to make that decision. Last night had been a way to work things out of his system, nothing more. He didn't want to risk losing them by going forward. She understood that even as she inwardly cursed him for being a coward.

What happened between them scared the hell out of her too, but she was willing to take a chance. After waking up in his arms this morning and making love again how could she not? She loved him and she knew that he loved her, but he didn't know how to make this work and she sure as hell wasn't going to push him into it.

If he didn't love her enough to risk everything then she didn't want him. She wanted a man who loved her and would do anything for her, not someone too scared to do anything about it. She'd keep him in her life, because she knew that she couldn't live without him, but she'd move on. One day she'd find a man who thought she was worth the risk.

Maybe she should have a little fling over the weekend and work him out of her system. Even as the idea floated through her mind her body screamed in protest. It didn't want anyone but Eric touching her and that was going to be a problem considering the fact that he seemed to be done with her.

"Have a nice weekend, Eric," she said, not even bothering to get a hug from the man. She climbed into her car and drove off without a look back. If he wanted her he was going to have to make the first move because she was done.

*********

"Are you going to keep checking your phone or watch the game?" Nathan asked as he grabbed another beer.

Eric didn't bother answering the man as he sent him a glare. He put his phone back on top of the pizza box where he could keep an eye on it and grab it if it rang. Then of course he snatched the beer out of Nathan's hand and took a nice long sip just to aggravate the man for pissing him off.

Nathan let out a snort of disgust as he grabbed another beer. "I don't know how Joe puts up with you."

He didn't know either and that was part of the problem. He loved her so damn much and he didn't have shit to offer her. Well, that wasn't true he could be her best friend, but he wanted more, a hell of a lot more, but couldn't allow himself to go for it.

The last twenty-four hours was going to have to be enough to last the rest of his life because he knew he couldn't touch her again. After this weekend Joe would know that too. He knew she realized that he was pulling away and he hoped like hell she thought about the reasons behind it.

They were great together, could talk about anything and everything or nothing at all and he didn't want to lose that. They'd lose everything if they tried to make this work, because sooner or later he'd f**k up big time and she'd stop talking to him the way she did and soon they'd realize they'd made a mistake, but by then it would be too late.

"Why the hell are you here?" Nathan demanded, thankfully drawing him out of his rather depressing thoughts.

"I live here," he said, frowning and wondering if maybe his brother had had one too many beers already.

"I didn't mean here," Nathan said, chuckling. "I meant, why are you here while Joe is in New Hampshire?"

"Because I'm not taking a class," he answered quickly, hoping is brother would just let it go.

He should have known better.

"So? That usually wouldn't stop you. Why didn't you go with her? Is she still pissed at you?"

Eric did his best not to cringe at the question. Was she still pissed at him? No. But he'd be willing to bet that by the end of the weekend he wouldn't be her favorite person. It was hard to miss the hurt expression on her face when he told her that he wouldn't be going with her or calling her. The accusing glare that quickly followed had turned his stomach.

She probably thought he'd used her and she'd be right. He knew he couldn't have a lifetime with her so he greedily took a night with her. When she got back she'd be pissed, but he knew she'd get over it and in time they'd go back to the way things were and last night would just be another fond memory, he told himself even as he crushed the can in his hand.

"Everything's fine," he said, tossing the crushed can into the small wastebasket by the couch.

"If you say so," Nathan said with a shrug.

"I do."

"Then you'll be happy to know that Joe just responded to that text message you made me send her."

"What did she say?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

Nathan sent him an amused look as he said, "That she arrived safely. Hasn't checked into her hotel yet because she had to go straight to the school. She said it's boring and that she hates you."

"What?" he demanded, reaching out and snagging Nathan's phone away from him. He found her message and scrolled down. "She didn't say that," he said, turning an accusing glare on his brother.

Nathan shrugged, taking back his phone. "It was insinuated."

"Bastard," he muttered, turning his attention back to the game. He had absolutely no idea who was playing or winning for that matter. All he could think about was Joe.

Last night she'd surpassed every one of his fantasies, well the fantasies they had time to play out. There were still thousands of fantasies that they hadn't had time for and never would. Besides the fact that he wouldn't allow himself to touch her again there was also the little issue of work.

He may have dropped the subject, for now, but he was still trying to figure out an approach that would get her the hell off the truck. Right now he was laying all his hopes that she'd enjoy the dispatcher class enough to go fulltime with it. If not he was going to have to figure out another way to get her off the truck. Maybe she'd meet some guy and get married and start having babies, he thought.

The idea of another man touching her turned his stomach and made him want to hit something. He didn't want anyone else touching her or giving her children, but one day that would happen. It would be the worst day of his life, but if she was happy that's all that mattered. He could pretend to be happy for her and act like he didn't want to kill the bastard.

As long as Joe was happy and safe he could do anything.

"You want to talk about it?" Nathan asked.

"Nope."

"It would probably help to talk about it," Nathan mused.

Eric turned his glare on his brother. "Oh? Really? Then I guess you'd like to get a few things off your chest."

The scowl Nathan sent his way was answer enough. He mumbled something before turning his attention back to the game. Good. He didn't want to talk about Joe anymore than Nathan wanted to talk about Caitlyn. As long as Nathan kept his ass close by so that he could manipulate the bastard into sending text messages to Joe for him then he didn't care if his brother was sulking or pissed. He had his own shit to deal with and didn't-

"She's not Joe," Nathan said softly, grabbing his attention in a big way.

"What?" he asked, frowning at his brother.

"I ended things with Caitlyn because she's not Joe," Nathan admitted.

"Oh, I see," Eric said slowly as his brain struggled to comprehend what Nathan said and when it did he found himself on top of Nathan and beating the shit out of him.

"Stop!" Nathan snapped, but he couldn't. He knew Nathan would be the better man for Joe and that he should just step back and wish him well, but jealousy was a bitch and currently had him beating the hell out of his brother.

The fight quickly turned into a wrestling match with Eric trying to get a few more shots at his brother while Nathan did his best to shove Eric off and get away.

"What the hell is your problem?" Nathan demanded as he shot an elbow to Eric's gut to get him off.

"You want Joe," Eric said, moving to throttle the bastard.

Nathan's horrified look gave him pause. "I don't want Joe!" he snapped, sounding disgusted and looking close to vomiting at the very idea.

"What the hell is wrong with Joe?" he demanded, pissed at that look of revulsion on Nathan's face.