Susannah wanted to weep.

CHAPTER 18

At nine Chrissie still wasn’t back, and Susannah was growing increasingly worried. She phoned home, but Joe and Brian hadn’t returned from their fishing trip yet. Not that Joe would’ve been able to do anything even if he had been there. The longer she paced and fretted, the more irritated she became. This date of Chrissie’s was supposed to be an afternoon outing.

Still, Chrissie was almost an adult and Susannah had no choice but to allow her to make her own decisions. Nevertheless, Susannah had a bad feeling about this.

At nine-thirty, she phoned Carolyn. It wasn’t only Chrissie on her mind. The letter she’d discovered in her father’s filing cabinet that afternoon continued to bother her. She needed a friend, someone who’d listen and sympathize.

Carolyn answered before the second ring.

“Are you busy?” Susannah asked.

“Not particularly, why?”

“Want to meet at He’s Not Here? I need to talk.”

“Sure.”

Susannah was grateful for a friend willing to meet her at a moment’s notice. As soon as she hung up the phone, she grabbed her purse and car keys. If Chrissie returned while she was out, fine. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to let her daughter worry about her for a change.

The parking lot outside the tavern was almost empty. Susannah chose a booth and ordered a Diet Coke while she waited for Carolyn, who showed up a few minutes later. She slid into the seat across from Susannah.

“What’s up?” she asked, getting directly to the point.

Susannah pulled the letter out of her purse, and in as few words as possible, told her what it was about. Then she added, “I went to Mom to see if she knew anything.”

“Did she?”

Susannah sighed. “Well, if she ever did, she’s forgotten it now.” More and more Susannah realized that her mother had slipped into a fantasy world and had trouble identifying what was real and what wasn’t.

“Do you honestly think your mother would tell you even if she did know?”

Susannah couldn’t be sure and made a dismissive gesture. “She promised to ask my father the next time he visits.”

Carolyn gave her a worried look. “Oh, dear.”

“Oh, yes.” She rested her chin on her hand. “I said that was a good idea and that I’d be eager to hear what Dad had to tell her. What else could I say? Sometimes, it’s like my own mother is a stranger to me.”

Carolyn nodded and ordered a glass of merlot when the waitress swung by. “I imagine there are days when Vivian’s a stranger to herself.”

Susannah suspected that was true. Her mother didn’t understand what had changed or why. At least some of the time, she recognized that her husband of nearly sixty years was dead, but at other times—because she needed him, because it comforted her—she brought him back to life.

“I can’t begin to tell you how frustrating and painful it is to learn that my father would do something like this,” Susannah cried, brandishing the letter. Her voice shook with emotion; she felt betrayed and sad and wronged all at once. “I didn’t think he could hurt me anymore after he died, but…he did.”

“So what are you going to do about it?” Carolyn asked.

“Do? What can I do? That was over thirty years ago. It isn’t like I can turn back the clock.”

“True, but…”

Susannah’s eyes widened as the possibilities came to her. In her excitement she half rose from her sitting position. “I could find Jake,” she whispered. She’d been toying with the idea for weeks and hadn’t acted on it because…because she was afraid. Now she saw that she had the perfect justification, a real reason to seek him out.

Carolyn didn’t immediately endorse the idea. “You’re married,” her friend reminded her. “Jake probably is, too. Are you sure this is a box you want to open?”

Susannah recalled the ancient Greek story about Pandora and her box of troubles—as Carolyn had no doubt meant her to. “I don’t know….”

“Why is it so important to find Jake?” Carolyn asked next. “Think about it, Susannah.”

“Because we were both betrayed by our parents,” she said. “His father sold him out and my father offered Mr. Presley the one thing he couldn’t refuse. Can you imagine how much money five thousand dollars would’ve been to a man like Allan Presley?” It hurt to know, to have proof, that every bad thought she’d ever had about her father had turned out to be true. He was cunning, devious, heartless. “That wasn’t the only large check he wrote, either,” she blurted out.

“What do you mean?”

Susannah slouched down in the booth. She hadn’t intended to say anything, but now that she had, she felt relieved. “As I was going over Dad’s bank statements, I found that he’d withdrawn several large sums of money through the years. All the checks were made out to cash, so there’s no way of tracing what he did with the money.”

“Investments?” Carolyn suggested.

“If so, I didn’t find any evidence of it.”

“What about vacations?”

Susannah shook her head. “My parents rarely traveled.” In fact, she didn’t think her mother had flown more than a couple of times in her entire life. That driving trip to California was probably the only long vacation they’d ever taken.

Carolyn was very quiet. “There might be another reason.”

“What?” Susannah had been angry and upset with her father all day. His reasons for withdrawing so much money and doing it in such secrecy were incomprehensible to her. Susannah knew that, until recently, her mother had hardly ever written a check. She had no knowledge of managing finances or how her husband spent their money. She hadn’t considered it her sphere of duty; it was his, while she handled household routines and entertaining.

Carolyn hesitated, and when she spoke her voice was low. “I mentioned that my father asked to talk to me before I moved back to Colville, didn’t I?”

“You said he wanted you to take over the business.”

“He did, but there was another reason. An equally important one.” She straightened, avoiding Susannah’s eyes. “You might have guessed that my parents’ marriage wasn’t a good one.”

Susannah had wondered about it. She made a noncommittal sound, encouraging Carolyn to continue.

“Mom never adjusted to life in Colville. She hated it here and felt trapped, but almost everyone she loved had been killed in the war. My dad couldn’t leave her. He wouldn’t do that, so he made the best of it until…until I left home and then, well, he fell in love with someone else.”

“Your father had an affair?”

Carolyn nodded. “Lily was his secretary for twenty years and his lover, too.”

Susannah couldn’t imagine why her friend would be telling her something so painful and so private. Unless…“You think my father…had a mistress?”

“I don’t know, but it might explain where the money was going.”

“Thousands upon thousands of dollars,” Susannah whispered, shocked as she considered the possibility.

“Dad genuinely loved Lily,” Carolyn said. “When he knew he was dying, he called me home. He wanted me to look after her when he was gone.”

Susannah was appalled. “I can’t believe he’d ask that of you.”

“It wasn’t easy for me, but I did it because I loved my father. I’m fairly certain Mom never knew. Or if she did find out, she never let on.”

“What happened to Lily?”

Uncharacteristic tears clouded her friend’s eyes. “She died last year. When I got to know her, I loved her, too. She was more of a mother to me than my own. I buried her next to my father. It was what he would’ve wanted.”

“And your mother?”

“She’s on his other side.”

The idea of her father having another woman was inconceivable to Susannah. But then, she was quickly learning that she really didn’t know him. Not once had she suspected that he’d paid off Jake’s father. Just thinking about it made the anger race through her again.

“I’m going to find Jake,” she insisted. “I refuse to let my father get away with this. I don’t care if he had a mistress. I don’t want to know. But I do care about finding Jake. I’m going to put his name in the computer and see what comes up.” There had to be Web sites that let you search for missing people.

“What about Joe?” Carolyn asked.

For a moment, she’d conveniently pushed all thought of her husband and his likely reaction from her mind. It was easy to do, easy to pretend he wouldn’t disapprove. He was in Seattle and she was here in Colville, and they had never seemed so far apart.

“He’ll understand,” Susannah said. Then, she added, “I won’t tell Joe, not unless I actually find Jake.” Why upset him for no reason?

“Do you want my opinion?” Carolyn asked.

Susannah contemplated the question. She was interested in what her friend had to say, and at the same time she feared that Carolyn would tell her to drop this before she got in too deep. That would be good advice; unfortunately it wasn’t what Susannah wanted to hear.

“You’re going to tell me to let go of this.” Susannah wished she could. But she had to talk to Jake, if for no other reason than to apologize for her family’s mistreatment of him.

“Not necessarily. What I want you to remember,” Carolyn said, leaning back and sipping her wine, “is that time in France.”

“You think I can forget? That year everything changed for me.”

“I recall how you waited and waited for a letter from Jake. For weeks on end you defended him, made excuses for why he didn’t write and then after a while you didn’t talk about him anymore. It seemed like you no longer cared.”

“Of course I still cared, but I had other things to think about!”

Carolyn agreed with a nod. “Doug.”

“I’d lost my brother and not hearing from Jake didn’t seem important after that—but I did ask about him when I got home. With no success, and now we know why.”

Carolyn grew quiet again, then shook her head briskly, as if to chase unhappy memories away. “We’re both reacting to the discussion we had with Sandy, Yvette and Lisa the other night.”

“Both?” Susannah raised her eyebrows.

“I…I decided to extend my flower beds at the house.” Her friend blushed as she said it.

“And you requested that landscaping guy,” Susannah finished.

Carolyn gazed down at her wine. “He’s going to stop by tomorrow afternoon to give me an estimate. I know I’m being obvious, but Susannah, I can’t stop thinking about him. It all started with that silly conversation and now I’m wondering where it’ll end—for you and for me.”

Susannah wondered, too. “All I know is that Jake’s been on my mind for weeks, even before I learned what my dad had done. I’m determined to find him, only…only…”