He regarded me, one arm behind his head, with an expression as if he couldn’t make sense of me. I pushed up and straddled his thigh, delirious with the way he admired my body. His strong hairy thigh pressed up to my still sensitive center, and I ground myself against him, biting my lip at the sensation.

Cassio shook his head slowly, disbelievingly, but the look in his eyes spurred me on. I curled my fingers around his base, feeling him fill with blood under my touch.

Cassio didn’t want to relinquish control, but I wanted him to, wanted to see him give it up and hand it over to me, at least for a moment. I bent down and took his tip into my mouth. He hissed through his teeth and cupped the back of my head, his fingers raking through my hair. As with everything else, I’d done my research on this matter. The internet offered endless possibilities for the curious mind. I hollowed my cheeks as I sucked him lightly, trying to accommodate his girth in my mouth as my hand worked his base. It was still more fumbling than practiced moves, but it got the desired results. Cassio panted, his hips shifting, his fingers flexing against my scalp. I cast my eyes up, finding him watching, his expression gloriously unguarded. Yes.

Something shifted. His fingers tightened in my hair, not tugging but close to it, as he guided my head down. His hips thrust up. He was taking his control back. I yielded to his pumps, taking as much of him as he demanded, his hand firm on my head. He didn’t go deep, never once hitting my throat, perfectly controlled. At every upward thrust, I ground myself against his thigh, seeking my own satisfaction. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t feel self-conscious. There wasn’t room for it. I was too aroused, too drunk on Cassio’s hungry expression. “Enough,” he growled. He grabbed my hips and hoisted me on top of him. I didn’t have time to get my bearings before he pulled me down onto his length.

If I’d thought sitting on top of Cassio would allow me control, I’d been sorely mistaken. Cassio played me like a master controlled his puppet. His hands clamping down on my hips, he held me fast as he slammed into me from below, forcing me to take whatever he gave. Every thrust hit deeper than before, nudging a point I hadn’t known existed. I gave up my fight for control, surrendered to Cassio’s demands. Today he’d get this. There was still tomorrow.

I lay awake long after Giulia had fallen asleep, curled up on her side, facing me. This time she’d accepted it quietly when I’d pulled back after sex to sleep. I could still feel her warmth, smell her sweet scent, sense her closeness, and briefly, I considered pulling her toward me. Instead I stared up into the dark. Giulia had surprised me again today, in more regards than one. She was stubborn and kind. She stood up for herself without being bitchy.

And the sex… that had caught me completely off guard. I’d expected her to avoid the physical aspect of our marriage as long as possible until I eventually approached her because my desire couldn’t be suppressed anymore. I didn’t want to cheat, and I wouldn’t. The clusterfuck with Gaia… it had ruined everything. I didn’t want something like that to happen again and it wouldn’t.

I would not allow it.

I didn’t know Giulia, and she didn’t know me, but in bed, we worked well together. When she’d finally come for the first time, it was the sweetest triumph I could imagine.

Eating her sweet pussy was wonderful and rewarding in its own way. Gaia hadn’t wanted me to do it to her, so I hadn’t. Giulia was the first woman I’d gone down on in almost ten years, and I promised myself to eat her every goddamn night if she let me. In the short time of our marriage, I already felt younger. These last few months I’d felt old beyond my age, exhausted and wary. This exhilaration of the beginning would fade though. It was an illusion I couldn’t entertain.

As if to remind me of that irrefutable fact, Simona’s cry blared through the baby monitor, destroying any hope of falling asleep soon.

Giulia stirred beside me, a soft groan slipping out of those sweet lips. I turned the lights on and sat up. Another sleepless night.

Giulia blinked against the brightness, obviously disoriented. “What’s going on?”

“Simona wants the bottle.”

Giulia nodded slowly and slipped out of bed. I stood as well.

“You can sleep. I can handle it. I know you have to work tomorrow.”

I paused, watching as she slipped out of our bedroom. After a moment, I followed. Giulia didn’t have experience with children as had become apparent last night. I wasn’t sure she could handle Simona. Especially at night, my daughter was demanding and her cries absolutely nerve-racking. Had Giulia the necessary calm to handle her?

I didn’t think she’d ever hurt my children, she didn’t seem the type, but she was young. Feeling overwhelmed could be dangerous.

Simona’s cries didn’t stop, but they lessened in intensity. I hovered in the doorway to her room, stunned by what I saw. Giulia had bought a sort of baby sling that allowed her to carry Simona against her chest and was currently trying to close it in her back. It was obviously the first time she tried to do it. I walked toward her and helped her. I’d never seen such a thing, so it took us a couple of tries to close it.

“Thank you,” Giulia said. “I bought this today. The saleslady told me that it helps calm babies, so I thought I’d give it a try. It allows the child to feel connected to their mother…” She trailed off.

Simona peered up at me, her head resting against Giulia’s chest.

“Let’s get you something to eat, all right?” Giulia said softly and stroked Simona’s head. Then she smiled at me. “You can go back to sleep. My hands are free to prepare the bottle. See?” She raised her hands.

I nodded slowly. Giulia pressed her palm against Simona’s butt and headed into the corridor, all the while talking quietly to my daughter whose cries became less frequent. I kept following them downstairs. The dog trotted after us into the kitchen and sat down beside Giulia when she began preparing the bottle. She swayed gently from side to side, humming, which seemed to have a calming effect on Simona, even if she still whined occasionally.

Giulia threw a glance over her shoulder at me. “You don’t trust me to handle it yet, right?” She didn’t sound angry, only resigned.

“It’s not a matter of trust.” But it was. I’d never been very trusting, and now my capacity for it was almost completely exploited.

Giulia’s smile was sad. “It’s okay. They are your whole world. You want to protect them.” She tested the temperature of the milk then opened one strap of the sling so she could give the bottle to Simona who latched onto it at once. “I’m going to do my best to take care of them.”

I believed her.

Together, we walked back upstairs. I noticed the open door to Gaia’s old bedroom. Giulia followed my gaze. “Simona and I are fine, really.”

I headed to the bedroom. As expected, Daniele lay curled up on the covers of the bed in a new pajama set with Superman signs all over it. My heart felt heavy seeing his small form. Whenever I looked at this bed, all I saw was blood, but he sought comfort here. I picked him up. He snuggled against my warmth, and I held him tighter. I wished he’d allow this closeness when he was awake too, like he used to do in the past. I took him to bed before I went to Simona’s nursery once more. Giulia sat in the rocking chair and fed Simona.