Sliding my hands through his hair, I pull his mouth to mine as he positions himself between my legs and slowly begins to push himself inside me.

I wince at the shock of pain, and he pulls away from my lips to whisper apologetic words and professions of love against my mouth. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love you."

He pauses his movements and holds himself steady above me. I lean up and kiss him again, needing the connection of his lips against mine to calm my nerves.

"It's okay. I'm okay," I tell him quietly as I command my body to relax and remind myself that it won't hurt for long. "Please, I'm okay. Keep going."

The pained look and worry on his face about hurting me melts my nerves, and I tighten my legs around his waist and pull him deeper into me until he pushes past the barrier and I can let out the breath I'd been holding.

The burning discomfort quickly eases as we move against each other, and Zander keeps reminding me how much he loves me, over and over. He touches and kisses me everywhere he can reach, and it's not long before the pleasure of being with him like this erases the pain and I can enjoy what is happening. He moves his hand between us, and with feather-light touches, he ignites a fire inside of me that has me clutching tightly onto his hair and throwing my head back on the pillow while he kisses my neck. Nothing has ever felt this amazing; nothing compares to feeling Zander touch me and move inside of me. I never expected my first time to be like this. I never expected to feel anything other than relief to get it out of the way. I never want this to end, and I'm shocked to feel my release slowly creeping up on me as he moves his body and his hand torturously slow against me.

"Zander, Zander…"

I chant his name over and over as my toes curl and pleasure shoots through every inch of my body. I don't even recognize the sounds that are coming out of my mouth as I push my h*ps frantically against his to prolong everything I'm feeling. He swallows my cries with his lips as he begins moving faster and harder, and I wrap my arms tightly around his shoulders to keep him as close to me as possible. He's strong and solid, warm and gentle, and I want to stay wrapped around him forever.

He tells me he loves me over and over through his own release, and I hold on to him as securely as I can, never wanting to let him go or have this moment end.

Zander finally collapses on top of me, and I smile happily feeling all of his weight and the racing of his heart against my chest. After a few minutes, he rolls off of me, leaning over the side of the bed to dispose of the condom in the trashcan. He quickly slides back next to me and wraps his arms around my waist, turning me to my side and pulling my back against his chest. Reaching down, he pulls the covers up over both of us and then snuggles against me, smothering my cheek, my neck, and my shoulder with tiny kisses until I giggle when he gets to a ticklish spot.

"I love you, Addison," he whispers against my ear before resting his head on the pillow behind me.

Closing my eyes, I slide my fingers through his hand resting on my waist and pull his arm tighter around me, drifting off to sleep faster than I have in a long time.

Chapter Fifteen

"I know you used to be a completely different person, Addison. It's hard to find that person again when so many heavy things keep getting piled on top of your shoulders," Dr. Thompson tells me as she holds her coffee cup close to her mouth and then blows gently on the hot liquid. This week's cup had little blue snowflakes on it with the words "Let it Snow" painted in silver and blue. I glance out the window at the bright sunshine and wonder why she's using a winter mug when it's almost eighty degrees out.

"You had friends and you had fun and you were carefree. Excuse my language, but it's time to shit or get off the pot, as they say," Dr. Thompson tells me with a smile.

I'm momentarily stunned by her choice of phrases. My mom used to say that to me and my father all the time, and even though I'm used to Dr. Thompson's bluntness by now, this one comes out of left field.

"You're doing good and you're forming healthy relationships. Keep that momentum going, Addison. Be a good friend; be the wonderful, thoughtful person you always used to be and that I know you still can be. The more you do it, the easier it will be to get your old self back."

Walking through the hospital halls, I can't help but smile. Even though I'm worried about Meg, and I'm nervous to see her, all I can think about is Zander and our night last night. When I woke up this morning, I was still wrapped in his arms and it was very difficult to force myself to get out of bed. All I wanted to do was stay in bed with him snuggled under the covers and forget about the outside world, but I can't do that right now. When I checked my phone, I had a text from Meg saying she could have visitors and three missed calls from my dad. Right now, I only have the strength to deal with one crisis at a time, so my dad will have to wait.

"Knock, knock," I announce as I stick my head into the open doorway of Meg's room. She's sitting up in bed, flipping through the channels on the television, and gives me a big smile as I enter the room.

"It's about time you got here. The cable channels in this hospital suck ass."

I laugh as I pull the extra chair in the room closer to the bed and take a seat while she powers off the television.

"Sooooo, what's new?" I ask with a smile, taking a page from Zander's book and trying to lighten the situation a little. I want Meg to feel comfortable talking to me. I want her to know that I'm her friend and I'm here for her. It's time to change how I act around people, and I want to start with her.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Just a little depression and suicide attempt to brighten everyone's day," she says with an uncomfortable chuckle.

The silence hangs in the air between us as Meg pulls at the frayed edges of the blanket that covers her legs.

"What happened, Meg?" I ask her softly.

She lets out a huge sigh and leans back against the pillows, her face turning up toward the ceiling as she contemplates her words.

"Two years ago I was in college. I was going to school for elementary education. I still lived at home and commuted back and forth to classes," she explains quietly, her eyes still trained on the ceiling tiles. "One night things got a little out of hand at a party, and I had way too much to drink. My parents always said I could call them any time I got myself into trouble, so I called them to pick me up since all of my friends were just as wasted as I was, if not more. On the way back home, my dad was lecturing me about drinking, and I said something sarcastic. He turned around to look at me, and the next thing I knew, everything around us exploded. He went left of center and we hit a truck head on. They were killed instantly. I walked away with a sprained wrist and a cut on my head. I had two little injuries, and they had their lives taken away. My extended family wanted nothing to do with me after that. I was already the black sheep because I was a little wild, but this just proved to everyone what a bad seed I was. I killed my parents…two years ago yesterday."

Meg finally turns her face toward me, and all I can think about doing is wrapping her in my arms and telling her everything will be okay.

So I do.

Getting up out of my chair, I perch myself on the edge of her hospital bed.

"Move over," I command as I swing my legs up on top of the blankets.

"Are we going to cuddle? Ooooh, can we spoon?" she asks with a laugh as she scoots over on the bed.

"Shhhhh, don't ruin the moment," I tell her as I wrap one arm around her shoulder and pull her next to me. She rests her head on my shoulder and we sit together quietly on her hospital bed for a long time.

"I'm so sorry for what happened to your parents. It's not your fault. And your family are a bunch of jackasses," I say angrily, breaking the silence.

Meg lets out a little laugh and wraps her arm around my waist.

"Can I give you their phone numbers so you can call them and tell them that?"

We laugh together, but I hope she knows that I would do exactly that and more for her. I would drive to each of their houses and tell them off if it would make things better for her.

"I'm sorry. I was a jerk to you," I whisper.

"You weren't a jerk. You had your own crap to deal with. And it's not like I offered up this information about myself. You didn't know."

"But I should have known. I never used to be such a crappy friend. I used to be the person everyone went to with their problems…" I trail off.

"So what happened? I know your dad kind of sucks. Or at least he used to. He seems pretty cool to me, but I don't know him that well aside from working with him the last few weeks," Meg says with a shrug.

I don't even hesitate to tell her my story. I owe her an explanation so she understands that I used to be a better person and that I'm trying to get that back, little by little.

I tell her about losing my mom, but I don't go into too many details. It doesn't seem right to focus too much on my problems when she's the one in the hospital, but I still want her to understand. She had an inkling about my dad from bits and pieces of conversations she overheard in the last year, but she never wanted to pry so she never came right out and asked.

After I unload on her, Meg and I talk more about her parents, and she promises me that she will talk to me whenever she is feeling guilty or depressed. No more pills, no more drowning in sorrow alone. We are both going to be better friends to each other and I feel hopeful that both of our futures look brighter.

Meg asks about Zander, and I can't hide the blush from my cheeks or the smile from my face. She knows just from the look on my face what happened last night and lets out an ear-piercing scream that causes several nurses to come running. After we finish convincing them that everything is fine and burst into a fit of giggles when they leave, I hesitate to ask for advice. Even though I don't want to burden Meg with my problems, she insists that I do. She needs something else to focus on aside from her own problems, and I guess she's right. I realize that sitting here in the hospital, talking to her for over an hour, that even though I'm dredging up old memories and problems and talking about current ones, the feeling of dread that usually pools in my stomach isn't there. I'm comfortable talking to Meg, and it feels very good to have another girl to talk to. I love Zander and I know I can talk to him about anything, but there's just something different about having a girlfriend to confide in.

"I told him I love him," I tell her sheepishly.

"Oh, holy shit, this is serious. More serious than giving up your V-card."

I smack her on the arm and tell her to keep her voice down when a nurse walks by and looks in on us.

"Are we moving too fast? It's too fast, isn't it? I feel like everyone is looking at us like we're crazy. And my dad isn't too fond of him. God knows why," I complain with a roll of my eyes.

"I hate when people say that to someone else. 'Oh my, they got married too soon,' or 'But they haven't even known each other that long.' What business is it of theirs to judge your relationship? Only the two of you know what's right or what's wrong. I know for a fact that you wouldn't have had sex with someone if you didn't trust them completely. And I've seen the way he looks at you and the way he takes care of you; his eyes follow you everywhere making sure you're okay. No one can tell you whether you're moving too fast or too slow. You're moving at exactly the right speed for the two of you and that's all that matters."

When Meg finishes up, I stare at her in shock, surprised by her insight.

"How the hell did you get so smart?"

She shrugs and gives me a cocky smile. "It's easy fixing other people's problems. It's my own that can suck it."

We talk for a few more minutes, and when I'm confident that she's going to be okay, I promise to call her later that evening and step out of the room so she can get some rest before she meets with one of her shrinks.

Digging through my purse to try and locate my cell phone to text Zander, I don't pay attention to where I'm going and run right into someone's chest.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" I exclaim, looking up at a blond guy in hospital scrubs with a stethoscope around his neck.

"It's okay. I'm good," he says with an easy smile.

"Addison? Excuse me, Addison Snow?"

I turn when one of Meg's nurses jogs up to me with my cell phone in her hand.

"You left this in Meg's room. She told me to try and catch you before you left," she says, handing the phone over.

I thank her and she quickly walks away to go back to work.

"You're name is Addison Snow? I thought you looked familiar."

I look back at the guy I ran into, surprised that he's still standing next to me.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

He reaches up with both of his hands and fiddles with the stethoscope around his neck. "You probably don't remember me. You were pretty out of it the last time I saw you. You look good though. I'm glad you're doing so well. Zander said you were doing alright, but it's nice to see it first-hand."

I stare at him in confusion, not really sure what he's talking about or when he would have seen me last. But since he knows Zander, I'm assuming he must be a friend of his or one of his co-workers. I can't help but smile knowing that he talks about me to his friends.

"Do you work with Zander or something?"

He shakes his head at me, continuing to tug the ends of his stethoscope back and forth around his neck. "No, he works down in Radiology, but we met in college. I'm an intern in the Emergency Room, which is how I met you."