I’m the only person I know who’s never had a boyfriend either. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that. Even my little sister, as busy as she is, has had a couple of them.

Twenty-something girlfriends. Hmm. What was your longest relationship? I’m trying to do the math in my head and you would’ve had to have at least 3 a year for a while.

I was thinking about going to visit my dad sometime next year. April maybe. Have you lived in California?

-Ruby

P.S. I swear on my life I came out of her almost 24 years ago. Accept it.

From: [email protected]

Date: December 4, 2008 2:39 p.m.

To: [email protected]

Subject: Never (Getting Over It)

Ruby,

Your brother’s comment about officers made me laugh. Take our word for it. It’s true. It takes a certain kind of person to want to be an officer. If you ever meet one, you’ll understand.

I bet your sister will be like your mom, picking up guys half her age later on. If you do or don’t look like your mom, I’m sure you have nothing to worry about. I got a question: did your brothers’ friends ever hit on her?

…how did you know that was the book we had?

Your face paint reason I get. It’s like you’re stepping into a role… nothing wrong with that. :] Whatever makes you happy. For some reason, I have a hard time imagining you being shy, but I’ll take your word for it.

I know you’re right about my ex, but it still doesn’t sit right with me. I keep telling myself that it doesn’t matter what she did, but it doesn’t change anything. Did I waste years of my life? That’s what bothers me the most, I guess. No, I don’t want to get back together with her. We’re done.

You’re not an idiot. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I hope you know that. You’re a nice girl. You never said anything to him though? What finally made you give up after so long? You’re not lame or stupid. I’m just… surprised… shocked. You had to feel some kinda way to put your life on hold like that.

I’m sure you weren’t missing out on the love of your life or anything like that by not having a couple boyfriends. Sounds like your life has been pretty good if you ask me.

The longest I was ever with someone was that ex.

I’ve never lived in California, but I’ve been to visit a few times.

-A

P.S. I don’t know if I’ll ever believe you.

From: [email protected]

Date: December 5, 2008 1:13 a.m.

To: [email protected]

Subject: My Name is Ruby and I’m an Idiot

Aaron,

Well, my sister won’t be picking up guys half her age. She’s gay. Her last girlfriend she had for a few years, but she wants kids and the girlfriend didn’t. I hadn’t really liked her in the first place. She wasn’t good enough for Anatalia (my sister). Having a little sister, I’m sure you’d feel the same way about her having a boyfriend.

My oldest brother’s friends were always hitting on and checking out my mom. It was really weird and uncomfortable and more weird. I remember them always calling her a MILF and stuff behind my brother’s back. My other brother, the one in the marines, is gay and so were half his friends, so it wasn’t as bad with them. They were all busy drooling over my oldest brother. :)

Ha! I know you had that book because my brother, Jonathan (the marine) did too. I told you I read everything. Sometimes he’d let me watch from a distance while he tried something. Sometimes I even got to suggest things he could try.

Yeah, I’m only shy when I’m half naked and people are paying a lot of attention to me. I’ve had enough people pay too much attention to me for a lifetime. I’m over it. It makes me uncomfortable. Usually I dress like an eighty-year-old (those are my little sister’s words) but it’s fun to put on a costume, even if it’s a little more provocative than I’m used to. It’s fun to pretend to be something I’m not without expectations or judgments. Like during Halloween when women wear really sexy costumes but it’s totally okay because it’s Halloween, you know where I’m coming from?

You had to have learned something from the time you guys were together. It couldn’t have been a total waste of time. Make a list if it makes you feel better. Everything happens for a reason, remember? :)

I told you… everyone knew I liked him. It wasn’t a secret. He knew. I made it pretty obvious sometimes. One time more than any other, but… the next day he made it seem like nothing had happened. I’m embarrassed just thinking about the things I used to say and do to him for attention, especially when I was younger. I got more discreet when I was older, but… ugh. I don’t deal with rejection well, and that’s how him not liking me seemed like back then. I know that makes me sound like a coward, but why lie to myself? Months ago, he finally started dating someone regularly. He brought her to my mom’s birthday and it looked serious. My heart broke a little (a lot) and I cried that night and for a few nights afterward—about thirty nights if you want to know the truth—but I’m glad it happened. I needed to move on with my life. He’d always dated people, but it never seemed serious back then.