Ravage Page 18
I didn’t want to believe my brother could be capable of the things he did to her. I didn’t think he could be so sick and fucking twisted. Sash can hide a lot of things behind the walls she’s put up, but the tears that fell down her cheeks don’t lie. The way her fucking body trembled in my arms couldn’t be faked or forced. As much as I don’t want to believe that the boy I raised is a fucking rapist, I know he did it. Everything in my gut is telling me he’s guilty, that he laid his hands on her. I can see the truth in her eyes. I don’t know how I missed it before. I recognise the newly formed demons in hers, because they match the ones in mine. I never wanted my girl to have any monsters in her life, and I led this monster to her front door. I’ll never forgive myself.
Uncertainty clings to her as she peers up at me, searching for direction on where we go next. I’m not sure of that either. How can she look at me and not see his fucking face?
One thing I am sure of is Sin will die for this.
Blood or not, he took something that can’t be given back, and he took it without remorse. He lied, covered it up and then ran like the coward he is. Sasha’s spirit is broken, she’s no longer the carefree version I remember, something he’ll pay for. Every tear he made her shed, all the pain he caused her that day will be taken out of his flesh a piece at a time. It won’t be a mercy killing. I won’t put a bullet in his brain. I’ll take him to hell and bring him back again. He’ll plead for me to end him. He’ll cry for leniency, and I won’t give it.
Holding her in my arms again felt like coming home. I was able to push my own pain down, forget the shit I’ve seen and done over the years and stand in front of her, feeling whole for the first time in a long time. I was able to breathe again. She soothes the beast that rages inside me, quietening my mind in a way I haven’t had since I last held her.
As soon as I touched her, I was certain of one thing: I’m not letting her go again.
Sasha is mine, and I’m going to make her mine again no matter what it takes. I’ll do what I should have done three years ago—I’ll fight for her.
Forgiveness is not something I deserve, but it’s something I’m going to earn. I don’t know how I can make it up to her, but I’ll find a way. Killing my brother is the first step to recovery. Knowing he can never hurt her again will go some way to calming the anger that burns in my veins.
I peer down at the woman who was once my everything, wondering if she can become that again, if she’ll let me make her that again. Things have changed and I don’t know if we can slip back into the roles we held, but I want to. I spent three years angry at the wrong person, three years hating a woman who went through hell. That makes my anger at my brother grow. He caused that. His deception made me lose sight of the truth I always knew deep down—Sasha wouldn’t have left me without a reason, and now I know that reason.
Part of me wants to pick up where we left off, but I know that can’t happen. Trust has to be rebuilt, bridges that were once burnt need to be reconstructed. Can we fix this? I don’t know, but I sure as fuck want to try.
Judging from her reactions, I think she does too. I don’t miss how her breath hitches when she meets my gaze, or the rapid rise and fall of her chest. Eyes full of uncertainty scan my face, waiting for my next move, and I hate that I’ve made her unsure. I don’t want her fear. I never want that, not from her.
But behind the fear is something else, something I recognise instantly. A burning desire that matches my own.
She still wants me. It might be lust, but I’ll make her fall in love with me again. I let her walk away three years ago. I won’t make that same mistake. Sasha is my girl, my everything.
I tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear before cupping her face and drawing her forehead to mine. The need to touch her snaps through my fingers, making me twitchy.
“I’ll make this right,” I pledge again, my voice raw. I mean every word of it.
But her head shakes as she blows out a shuddering breath. “You can’t fix this.”
She speaks the words so softly, I can barely hear her. They tear a hole in my chest that makes it difficult to draw in air. In my life, I’ve been captured, tortured, but nothing has ever felt as painful as those words falling from her lips.
I don’t say anything else. I dip my head, bringing my mouth inches from hers, our breaths mixing.
I want to kiss her and let all my emotions bleed through that one gesture, but she pulls away and I let her go, even though it goes against every instinct to allow it.
Our fingers slip through each other’s like sand in an hourglass, and I watch as she moves to the bed, running her fingers through her daughter’s hair—a daughter that could be mine.
I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of being a father, but every time I think about Lily-May being mine a surge of protectiveness scorches through me. My need to keep them both safe is on hyperdrive right now. Nothing and no one will touch them. They’re mine.
With that thought, I shift my gaze to Lily-May. Daughter or niece, it doesn’t matter to me. Lily-May is still blood and she’s mine, just like her mother.
My anger flares as I think of Sin touching Sasha, defiling her.
As if sensing the path my thoughts have taken, Sasha says, “What happened is in the past. It needs to stay there.”
I watch her gentleness with Lily-May as she strokes a finger over her chubby toddler cheek. I don’t want to cut through the moment, but I shake my head.
“Wrong. You think I’m just going to roll over and let him get away with it?” I take a deep breath and try to curb all my anger for when it’s needed. “This won’t be buried until he is.” This isn’t in the past for me. It’s very much our present right now, and it’s consuming my every thought. “Sin isn’t going to get away with what he did. He touched…” I break off, the words sticking in my throat. I still can’t say it. “He hurt you. That can’t go unpunished.”
“He did all those things, but he did it to me, Rav. He’s still your brother, the one you raised, looked after. Can you really end him? Stand in front of him and put a bullet in him? Nox should never have said anything.”
I bend at the waist, so I’m at her eye level. “He stopped being family the moment he took what didn’t belong to him! The moment he hurt you he knew his pathetic life was over, so yes, I can end him. I’m going to bleed him for what he’s done.” I grind my jaw together, speaking deathly low. “You should have told me, not Nox.”
She lifts her chin and I see some of that hardness in her gaze as those walls I brought down a moment ago shoot back up.
“You wouldn’t have been ready to hear it, and you not believing me would have killed me more than what that bastard did to me.”
A new anger pumps through me. How can she think I would take his side? Did she not see how fucking pussy whipped I was over her back then? She walked on water for me. I fucking loved her.
I still love her, if I’m being honest.
That never changed. Even when I was pissed at her and hating her, I loved her deep down. I don’t believe in fate or any of that shit, but I know she’s the only woman for me. She’s the only woman who could open my heart, the only one I could love.