Me: Well, COME ON. Let’s get real here. You won’t even be here the entire year.

RexG: Says you’re a junior. You won’t be here long either.

Me: But I’m here NOW.

RexG: So am I.

Me: Is this an athlete thing? Are you all just douchebags who sleep around?

RexG: I don’t know, is that how Abe Davis acts?

Me: No.

RexG: Wanna throw some sweats on tomorrow and meet me for coffee?

Me: How early?

RexG: Whatever works for you.

Me: How tired do you want me to look?

RexG: How will you look at 9?

Me: Horrible.

RexG: LOL

Me: Why the hell are we even talking about this, I DON’T WANT TO MEET YOU.

RexG: That’s fine.

Me: Stop doing that.

RexG: What am I doing wrong? I’m agreeing with you.

Me: I REFUSE to fall for your jedi-mind tricks.

RexG: Listen, I don’t know what I did or what I said, but you’re kind of scary.

Me: WHY DOES EVERY GUY KEEP SAYING THAT?

RexG: Because you yell a lot. Guys don’t like that.

RexG: And you keep putting words in my mouth and making assumptions.

Me: Thanks, I got it.

RexG: And that part in your profile about “no shave november” and always being hangry? Also scary and confusing.

Me: I am who I am.

RexG: Hairy, hungry, and scary?

Me: Yes?

RexG: I don’t know what to tell you Bianca.

Me: Um, about that...Bianca isn’t my name.

RexG: Okayyyyy…What is it then?

Me: Hannah.

RexG: That’s pretty, why did you use a different name? Didn’t want any creepers messaging you?

Me: I just like the name. It sounds sexy.

RexG: Little liar, aren’t you?

Me: NO! Just about that one thing…The rest is all me. I’m just—I can’t help it if I’m awkward and I say stupid shit and I make inappropriate comments at inappropriate times.

RexG: You know—I could help you with that.

Me: Help me with what?

RexG: Help you date. While I’m here. I can teach you some shit, like how to talk to dudes and shit.

Me: This isn’t a trick to try and sleep with me?

RexG: Nope. Twenty-six chicks have swiped on me in the time we’ve been talking. I’ll be fine.

RexG: Do you want my help or not?

RexG: Hello? You still there?

Me: I’m thinking…

RexG: Don’t think too long, I might change my mind.

Me: Fine.

RexG: Great.

Me: Okay.

RexG: LOL here’s my number. Message me when you get the courage.

It takes me two days.

1

Rex

That girl Hannah finally got the balls to message me.

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I didn’t think she’d have to balls to actually do it. Just figured she ran her mouth off a lot and wouldn’t get in touch.

To be honest, I’m not sure I wanted her to. For all her honesty, Hannah seems like kind of…

Judgy.

I don’t use that term lightly, despite the fact that I’m a giant asshole on most occasions, my mother did teach me some manners. Not a lot—but some. Enough to prevent me from getting slapped by women, but not so much I don’t get punched in the face every so often by guys.

I take my niece’s hand as she toddles along beside me. We’re at the mall because I need a new shirt for an upcoming coaching staff meeting, but I’m actually babysitting, too. Lilly is technically not my niece, but her mom Annabelle is one of my breast friends—I chuckle at my joke, bending at the waist to point to the chocolate store to Lilly as we pass by.

“Do you want a chocolate strawberry?” I ask her, poking the glass with the tip of my finger. “Yummy.”

She nods, little curls bobbing, drool dripping a little out the corner of her rosebud shaped mouth.

I scoop her up as we walk inside; she’s no heavier than a puppy, but I make a show of what a big girl she is when I lift her—she loves when I do that. Then I order a cone of chocolate dipped berries and while we wait, Lilly’s curious hands grab at all the shit they have at the cash wrap, knocking over a display of jelly beans.

I grab, too, restacking them and move a few steps back so she’s out of reach. The girl behind the counter is taking fucking forever to grab my strawberries when all she has to do is reach into the refrigerator and grab a pre-made paper wrapped cone of them.

When she finally manages to do her job, Lilly claps.

“Don’t they look good?” I ask her. “Nom, nom, nom!” I’d blow on her stomach if we weren’t in a store. Her adorably pudgy cheeks are sucked in as she anticipates the treats.

“Yummy Guncle Rex!” she enthuses. “Put me down now!”

So demanding. Lilly may be a demanding little shit, but I’m a sucker for her demands and she knows it.

I put her down.

Taking her hand, I lead Lilly out of the chocolate shop. We stop at a bench and I sit while she waits patiently. Huffs. Shuffles on her tiny feet, little nostrils flaring when she gets a glance inside the paper cone.

“You’re being a really good girl, Lilly Pad.”

Lilly bounces on the balls of her feet.

I settle in so she can eat her snack in peace, locating one near a giant makeup store.

My phone dings with a text notification and after I set Lilly up with her berries, using the bench as a table, I tap open my phone. Note a message from an unknown number and blink at it a few times before opening it.

Unknown number: Here I am. Did you miss me?

Me: Who is this?